so...I'm new.....

[Kataisha]

hi. I am new here. have been anxious all my life. But have only started therapy in the past 5 years or so, and only meds in the past year and a half-ish.
My diagnosis is Recurrent Depression. But its a little more complex, with the anxiety dissociation and hyper-vigilance, PTSD traits, being the most troublesome things for me to manage. yep, and the panic attacks.

I was born premature by 2 months, weighing 2lbs 13oz. I was bullied all through junior and secondary school. My father was emotionally abusive (he suffered from undiagnosed and untreated paranoia and anxiety and anger difficulties himself.) and I also suffered emotional neglect as a consequence of my dysfunctional family environment.

I started out my working life teaching primary school children, totally not the best place for a withdrawn and anxious and low self esteem person....I suffered a lot teaching, including supply (sustitute) teaching in London. (I live in the UK.)

So, yes, I gave up teaching after 12 years....I had wanted to get out sooner, but...

I am a library assistant in a public library now. I work 30 hours a week, and have somehow managed with only taking a minimum sick leave.....even when I was in my deepest depression....but, as I've said, its the anxiety that troubles me the most.
I'm on efexor and mirtazapine (remeron). Am in the process of tapering off efexor.....uh, yeah, don't go there right now....and will be continuing just on the remeron. I also have propranolol to take when I need it.

hi.

K.

[apple]

Is it not amazing the strength you have had to suffer for so long and still hold down a job, live a life... and still you are committed to fixing yourself?

I too grew up in a home that was angry, hurtful, neglectful, I've suffered manic depression as a teenager, panic disorder and Bio polar like symptoms as a young lady... and now I'm down to just anxiety...the final battle.

Think of what you've been through...what you've accomplished in spite of it...and pride yourself that you are still fighting for you!!!

You can conquer...keep fighting...come here when you feel weak...and come here when your powerful.

Best of luck

Apple

[Kataisha]

Hi Apple.  :)

I know....its amazing....I could easily have landed in psych hospital several times...but my therapist and I work to do our best to stop that happening as it wouldn't be the best thing for me.

I am touched by your message. Thank you.

K.

P.S. Is it usually this quiet here?

[apple]

Some days its pretty quiet, but if everyone gives up then thats why its quiet...other times its pretty busy.  Also you can send personal messages as well that others don't see, and you can start chatting via emails that not one sees either.

give this place a chance, it can surprise you...after all its not easy to commit when you suffer from anxiety and fear of not being accepted, even tho its not so here. (in the head)

Apple

[Kataisha]

yep, I'm one of those who fear not being accepted.... defintely that's me.....