Need encouragement for starting to date..

[gsxr60097]

Well its been about 5 yrs since I have dated and I have never had sex.  I am 29yrs old.  Just wanted to get this in the open right now.  My symptoms of anxiety manifest in my stomach like IBS and it keeps me from doing just about everything.  I am tired of it am doing things outside the norm to see if I can handle it.  Needless to say my confidence it very low.  Anyway I met a girl and we shared some intimate moments (not sex) the first night we met.  Now I have to follow up on another date and here is where the hard part comes in.  Just looking for some encouraging words from some of the members male and female.  I just hope she understands if something happens.  i have had others drop me like a bad habit after witnessing a panic attack.  This is so hard...

[gloomy]

Have you mentioned anything about your anxiety to her?  When you witness someone else having a panic attack it is distressing, especially when you dont really understand what is happening to them or how you can help.  I would definately tell her about this and reassure her that if you do suffer with a panic attack its nothing for her to be afraid about.

Congratulations and well done for finally getting out there and not allowing the anxiety and related problems to rule you any longer.  It is a difficult new situation for you but you can and will get through it hopefully by enjoying yourself.  I hope everything is enjoyable and positive for you and i look forward to your next post on how things are going.

[ladyK]

I understand all about IBS and issues surrounding dealing with this anxiety symptom.  I have had IBS for EVER, and I still  am learning how to cope with it.  I presume you've been told what food/drink can trigger an IBS bout?  It's a long list I know, but if you eliminate the food/drink that bother your IBS you will find you get much fewer attacks.  Staying "Regular" helps too, if you know what I mean...a little extra fiber and drink lots of water.  That helps move things along.  Once you can get the IBS under a certain amount of control you may feel a little more confident especially if you have "gas" issues.  I do, it's hard to go anywhere as I'm afraid I'll get all gassy and well that's just not a very good social thing!  I say go out an enjoy yourself...have fun!

take care, ladyK

[basm101]

Well, it sounds like things are going well for you with this girl. If she really genuinely likes you then a panic attack wont put her off.
Take her for a date somewhere you are comfortable with - for example, I wouldnt go to a restaurant for a first date as they are the
most likely places for me to panic.

Maybe you should explain to her that you sometimes get panic attacks, then if one happens she wont be shocked. Also, just by
confiding in her about it should lower your stress levels and make an attack a bit less likely.

Anyway, it is fully possible to have a relationship despite IBS + anxiety - so enjoy.

[conquerer]

almost everyone i know has had at least one panic attack at one point in their life; or they know someone who has/had them so don't be surprised if she totally understands where your coming from. on the other hand, she could not understand anything about them - i have run in to those before as well, my boyfriend is one of them. if she is an understanding, open-minded, and sympathetic lady then it won't matter to her...in fact i would think it was kinda cute and sweet :) especially being someone that knows about them personally. one thing is for sure, with GAD or panic, agoraphobia, hypochondria, etc. you will definitely weed out the people that you don't need in your life and realize the people that you do. if she is someone that you should have in your life then she will be one that is understanding about it. good luck!

[gsxr60097]

Well, here is the scenario.  I tried to schedule a date for Sat and I knwo she has been busy with job change etc but it is Friday night and no word.  So I guess tomorrow is off and boy am I relieved.  I havent been able to eat anything for the past few days and cannot sleep at all.  I am starting to think I am just not cut out for this.  It has been 12 hard years and it seems to be getting worse.  I am trying the best I can with different therapy but it is just not manageable.  I am to the point where even if I find a patient person that would give me a chance it still won't work.  That is how bad it is.
The thing about my IBS symptoms is that it is not certain foods that can causean episode it is if there is anything in my GI tract at all.  Even water.  The main contributor is the anxiety.  I am desperate for something to ease the pain.

[basm101]

Are you on meds for your anxiety ? Or having therapy ? I do understand how miserable it is when IBS and anxiety
are linked together and make each other worse.

If you are suffering badly it is worth trying some meds. I am on prozac for my anxiety (which has improved a lot, I can
live my life again, yay  and it also seemed to sort my IBS out - or at least help - I still suffer from time to time, but it isnt as
bad as it was.

It might be for the best that you dont have that date right now and can concentrate on getting better.

[gsxr60097]

Thanks Basm,  I think you are correct.  i am trying to do this without meds.  I use klonopin to relax me if needed but AD have very little effect adn I have been on alot of them.  I am now trying a nuerotherapy center to see what that offers.  I have accepted the fact that dating is not for me right now, the same with a relationship.  Hopefully someday.

[conquerer]

gsxr,

i understand that you don't feel ready, but how will you ever know if you're ready if you don't put yourself out there? i mean obviously you did somehow, since you did get the opportunity of a date...something you did worked! also, don't forget to put yourself in their shoes. you are not the only one who gets nervous over such things as a date. this girl, for all you know, could be going crazy with anxiety (or nervousness) over the date as well. stranger things have happened ;). the coolest thing you could do (to me) would be to admit that you are nervous about it...i guarantee you will hear the ever-girly "awwwwww" reaction from her, and she will let her guards down a bit too. just a suggestion. but if you are making yourself sick about it, then there is nothing wrong with giving yourself a little more time :)
maybe right now is just really a time when you need to focus on bettering yourself, so that you can be good for someone else.

we're here for ya buddy.
erin

[gsxr60097]

Its been 12 years since my last relationship and I feel like I was just one of those people to be born to not get hitched.  There are people like that but I just want to be able to have a shot.  Thanks for all of the feedback I really take it to heart.  I am trying and that is all I can do.

Bernie

[lt33]

Hi Bernie,

Experience is overrated, just don't give up on what you want that life will give it to you when you least expect it. We go down when things turn out badly, but one never knows about tomorrow. Love hapens if we believe in it. It may sound corny, but I do think so. Wish you luck.