Why can't we all take our own advice?

[2anxious]

Hi everyone!  You know, I have only been reading/posting on this board for a few weeks but one thing has really jumped out at me.  One of us (myself included for sure) will post something about symptoms and tests (with normal results) but will still be scared that something is wrong with us.  But then in the next second we will respond to someone else's very similar post and assure them that they are fine. And I feel we truly believe that they are fine.  I guess what I am getting at is if we could all take our own advice, this whole problem would go away.  But I guess that is the very nature of anxiety itself.  We can listen to other people's stories and respond rationally and assure them they are fine, but we just can't believe it about ourselves!  Talk about frustrating!!!!!   I know one of the most difficult things for me is to accept that "organically" nothing is wrong with me when I feel this badly.  It seems like that is one of the biggest problems for everybody.  But let's face it, obviously it is very true.  It is no coincidence that we all have these physical symptoms and have all been tested with normal results, but we continue to feel horrible and have more symptoms.  I have been trying to look at it like this, Anxiety=symptoms which in turn raises anxiety, which in turn increases symptoms.  I feel like if only my physical symptoms would go away I wouldn't feel anxious anymore, but actually in order for my physical symptoms to go away my anxiety has to go first!!!!  YIKES!!!!  What a vicious cycle!  Anyway, sorry for rambling on and on!  I guess I just needed to vent!  I am searching for a way to break this cycle!!!

[Anxious]

Hi 2Anxious!

I completely understand where you are coming from. I can rationally look at other people's symptoms and know that they are magnifying their own dilemma, and that stress or fear is driving a lot of their symptoms. However, when I examine my own symptoms, even after a doctor has reassured me, I believe that they have surely missed something, or are not looking into the right tests for me. I think that a lot of this is driven by the media and the internet. Also, where I am the weather is cold and dreary and I cannot get outside and enjoy myself as I would usually in the summer months.

[dizziegirl3]

Anxious - i was just thinking the same thing last nite while i was reading everyone elses problems and reassuring them i have felt this way and am fine. but yet i have this headache that i can't shake and i have read i think almost every post written about headaches on this forum but i still cannot convince myself i am fine. i guess what gets me is everyone can go to the dr and get mri's and catscans but for me the thought just scares me to death. i am afraid of actually getting the test done and then getting the results. why do i need some test to tell me i am fine when i know that i am donig this to myself??? i made a list of symtoms i have felt for the past year and i have gotten through all of them. ahhhhhhhhhh i just wish i knew how to convince myself i am fine like i can convince others!

[jenny649]

I have noticed that too. If only we could be rational about ourselves in the same way we can be rational about other people.

[Kate1982]

I totally agree.  It is so masochistic that we worry ourselves sick and think we are dying but can turn around and look and someone else with a similar problem and reassure them.  We just can't reassure ourselves

[ladyK]

I wondered about that myself.  Why is that we can think rationally when talking about someones elses symptoms but lose that rationality with our own.  Very strange.

[cheryjeff]

I can tell you why. We are all helpers and that is the role we function in. We can see in others what we cannot see in ourselves. It is easier to look at their glass as half full and your glass as half empty. We want others to do good. So we do what others do to us. They encourage us. So if we cant help ourselves we are helping someone else. Nothing wrong with it...if we can help one person then we are successful. So keep on giving others the wonderful advice.

[retrogurl88]

Maybe because it's easier to look at other people, then it is to look inside ourselves.

[oldman]

Actually, I'm here because I have conquered my anxiety problems.

For years I would hop around from on chronic disease to the next, always CERTAIN that I was dying of something, or that some crippling life-changing disorder was taking over my body.

I've had cancer a bunch times, I got herpes every time I kissed some new, I've had DVT in both legs and an arm.  Once, a guinea pig bit me through my latex gloves and I had rabies for a week.  Once a year I get tested for HIV and for the next 4 days I have full-blown AIDS.

Then finally, I hit bottom:

My girlfriend and I had split up, so I was already quite depressed (depression and anxiety go hand-in-hand of course).  Anyone, one day my arm starts to feel numb... then a day later a couple of my fingers also feel numb, and the skin on my arm starts to burn.

At first I assume I've pinched a nerve in my neck or shoulder or something- no big deal.  But then, the worst thing in the world happened-  I DEVELOPED A TREMOR.  Holy cr@p, that was scary- one day I'm talking on the phone, and all of a sudden my hand starts shaking so badly i can't hold the receive still.

I FLIPPED OUT.  I jump on google and do some emergency research...  Everybody here knows what I found, right?  MS.  I was sure I had MS.  I mean a tremor?!  That HAS to be serious, right?

Anyway, I became so anxious I couldn't THINK about anything other than my health- I couldn't sleep at all, and every day my symptoms got worse.  The tremor spread to my other hand, then my arms and eventually my legs!   During the day I would be hit with fatigue so suddenly and heavily that I thought for sure that there was something desperately wrong with me.  Then there was nausea and dizziness, and an overwhelming sense of dread.

My doctor said it was just stress, but I couldn't believe that my body could be producing all those elaborate symptoms, it just seemed impossible.

I went to the best Neurologist in New York, and he very patiently listened to all my symptoms, then did some very basic in-office tests.

He assured me that every single one of my symptoms could be explained by anxiety, and that there was nothing neurologically wrong with me.

That was enough to let me get a good night's sleep.  The anxiety cycle was broken, but it had been over a week of living in a nightmare.

It occured to me then and there that my problem- the only problem that was RUINING my life, was anxiety.

I realized that the only way to stop it, was to quit worrying about my health altogether.  Just quit cold turkey.

For people like you and me, there is no in between- either we aren't worrying about our health or we are worrying WAAAAAAY too much.

I decided not to worry at all.  It's been two years, and I've never been happier, or healthier.

If I get a bump, a blemish, a twitch, an ache, a spot, a pain, a tremor, or anything else, I just ignore it.  I can't stop the initial reaction of "Oh my god! What is that?!  IS THAT CANCER?  IS IT MS?  IS IT DVT?!  IS IT HERPES?!"- but then I take a deep breath, and I remember that my ANXIETY can REALLY and ACTUALLY ruin my life, whereas these imagined diseases never actually turn out to exist.  So I refuse to indulge my mind when it wants to think about my new symptoms.  It's still a battle.  Every new symptom is a new battle, but I'm winning.

And I'm just like you.

 

[marc]

I agree with you. If we could only heed our own advice. It can be a struggle everyday.

[wannabfree]

It's great hearing from those who have actually gotten to where we all want to be, and that is free from HA!!! That's so cool!

I am happy that someone brought this up, because I wonder this all the time. We really need to learn to treat ourselves the way we treat others and the way we would want to be treated. We are worth being kind to ourselves. One thing I have noticed is that having HA enables me to not move forward, out of the fear and discomfort of being a somewhat different person, maybe even a stronger person than I ever was before. And that tends to scare me, the happiness I could experience just has scared me a little. We are definitely people who like to help others, as we all help each other numerous times daily right here. It would be great if we could apply some of that to our own lives.

[Beth]

This is a great thread!

I think most of us have an inclination to help other people, and when we're trying to help someone else who needs us, we can forget about our own worries -- which is good. Several years ago, a friend asked me to take a class with her to "cure us" of our fear of flying. We both had major anxiety about being on a plane, so it made sense to go together.

Anyway, at the end of the class, we were put on a "practice" flight that took off in one city and then landed in another about 45 minutes away. It was sort of like the "graduation" exam for the class. Once we were on the plane, I saw that my friend was beyond terrified. She looked as scared as I had ever been on a plane. Right away, I started talking to her, joking around and trying to convince her that it would be fine. Pretty soon, the flight was over, and I realized I hadn't been nervous -- all because I was trying to help someone else!

Now, like you said, if only we could help ourselves in this same way ... that would be perfect!

[wrdsilly]

oldman,  very helpful post.  I might add if you are going to do that, have your regular tests and doctors' physicals, say once a year or whatever, and then say, well if I'm still dying in March when I see Dr. Smith, I'll bring it up to him. 

wrdsilly

[reece]

all of these post make alot of sense. I appreciate what oldman said, although i think that quitting is alot easier said than done of course.

i think i'm AFRAID to stop worrying. how sick is that?  what if i stop worrying and I miss something serious and it's too late?
of course, when i write this down it seems irrational, but in my mind it's not. I think this stems from a real event in my life.
*****WARNING-  I am going to talk now about having a real disease.....if you can't handle that or it will make your HA worse stop now*****************seriously - the next paragraph may cause you anxiety!!**************







  Back in Feb of 2002 i felt a lump in my breast. it was only 12 months since I'd stopped breastfeeding so i attributed it to that.
i let it go.  but it kept being there. i discussed it with my sister's who said it was probably a cyst because they had them. i didn't even worry about it.  after a few months, i just couldn't ignore it anymore. i finally made an appt with my dr.  the day i was supposed to go, i actually had to cancel for some reason that i can't remember now.  this is how UN-worried i was about this lump.   then a couple of weeks later i got the flu or something that made me go see my dr. while i was there i mentioned the lump. he felt it and set me up for a mammo/ultrasound at 7am the next morning. that's the day i was told i had breast cancer.

so you see? I didn't worry about it and it WAS cancer. Maybe if I worry, then either I won't miss something or maybe it won't be anything bad :) is it possible that my subconscience is doing that?  I'm not doing it on purpose.

reece

[wrdsilly]

I agree reece..when I had Lyme disease I got to the doctor with my flu like symptoms etc. and without a care in the world....I dealt with it, I am fine.  But we almost pinpoint our specific disease phobia and worry it into a frenzy, and google for a diagnosis.  My phobia is breast cancer (but your story is an inspiration), as I've mentioned, so I worry for weeks before my mammogram and am like a crazy person when waiitng for the results.  However, statistically, I should be more worried about heart disease, for example, but it never crosses my mind, even thaugh that does run in the family.  I feel like you reece, if I don't worry and rehearse worst case scenarious I am somehow letting my guard down. Yet I also fear if I think about it too much it will happen.   SO weird all this magical thinking.

wrdsilly

[reece]

wrdsilly - yes, i too worry that i'm creating some self-fulfilling prophecy by worrying about it too much. So, you can't win. can you? don't worry enough and you get the dreaded disease - worry to much, you get the dreaded disease. UGH.

I just remembered another situation similar to my breast cancer one. This one may actually be the BIGGER reason i freak over anything to do with my son.
last year my son had a mole on his butt. he's only 6.  i thought it was a weird color but let it go. about 6 months later i happen to see it again and it was larger.  i took him to the dermatologist. i admit i was a little nervous about it but i can't remember being freaky over it. i just took him to the dr.  the dr told me that she didn't think it was anything. but she removed it.
a week later they called to say it was atypical and he would have to have the rest of the mole removed. because of where it was, he would have to have general athesthesia and outpatient surgery.  thankfully it all went well and they removed it.
but now, that leaves me with this feeling. what if i hadn't been on top of it? what if I had just let it go again? would that little mole have become something else?  so, now i'm on high alert. i stay that way.

reece
i

[CrazyWoman]

I understand what your saying reece.......but we still shouldn't be freaking out over something that hasn't happened yet.  I know we shouldn't, but we still do.........

so tell me something..was this lump that you found..was it sore?  How in the world do people find these?  I have fibrocystic breasts, so it's hard to figure out what's what in there. ":)  Sorry, TMI

[reece]

hey crazy!
you are right. just because it's been something before doesn't mean it will be again. but that's not how we think.

the lump i found was not sore. it didn't hurt. it was hard and very noticeably something different than the other lumpy things we all have in our breasts 

reece

[CrazyWoman]

Sometimes my breasts are sore, which with this fibrocystic thing they said that is completely normal.  I am constantly checking them though, which probably makes it worse.  Sometimes one will get sore and the other won't, so of course, that scares me.  You didn't have any other problems than the lump?

[reece]

hi. no i didn't have any soreness or anything.  the only sign of bc was the huge hard lump.
my sister has fibrocystic breasts and hers are sore alot too.

do you go for annual mammo's?  how old are you?

if you are going for mammograms regularly then you will be fine. that's the good news. it takes a long time for those little cells to form a lump. so your mammo would catch it at the calcification stage which is a good prognosis of 99% cure rate

reece

[CrazyWoman]

Actually, I just turned 30, so they haven't done a mammo on me.  The dr. checks me yearly at my appointments, and if he doesn't feel anything, he doesn't send me for one.  I also check myself very frequently! hahaha

[wakeyshakey]

I FLIPPED OUT.  I jump on google and do some emergency research...  Everybody here knows what I found, right?  MS.  I was sure I had MS.  I mean a tremor?!  That HAS to be serious, right?

Anyway, I became so anxious I couldn't THINK about anything other than my health- I couldn't sleep at all, and every day my symptoms got worse.  The tremor spread to my other hand, then my arms and eventually my legs!   During the day I would be hit with fatigue so suddenly and heavily that I thought for sure that there was something desperately wrong with me.  Then there was nausea and dizziness, and an overwhelming sense of dread.

My doctor said it was just stress, but I couldn't believe that my body could be producing all those elaborate symptoms, it just seemed impossible.

This is waaaay too weird! This is exactly how my tremor started.  I was talking on the phone one day (for quite a while) and all of a sudden my hand started shaking like crazy! The more I worried about it, and the more stress I was under, the worse it got until it was eventually a whole body tremor at times.  My family doctor assured me it was from ongoing stress/anxiety and would clear up when my anxiety did.  Of course, I had to google instead of listening to my doctor and I have diagnosed myself with so much since then.  Finally my doc sent me to a neurologist to ease my mind of a serious disease. However, he asked me no questions, barely looked me over and said I had essential tremor.  When I read about this, it didn't match my symptoms very well at all.  and my symptoms were very sudden, not gradual as essential tremor tends to be.  So of course I let my anxiety get out of control because I thought I had essential tremor, a benign, but gradually progressive disorder.  My family doctor does not agree and says it WILL go away.  I am trying to listen to him and not the neurologist.  Some days it is barely there anymore and others it is back, but not near as bad as when I was worrying about it 24/7.  How is yours???

[oldman]

I was also diagnosed with Essential Tremor!

I still have it... very minimally- although, when I get anxious and tired it gets worse.  It also seems to be affecting my mouth a little- its VERY strange-  I only ever notice it when I'm eating warm foods- for some reason the sensation of warm soup in my mouth causes my lips to go weak and trembly.  After the first time it happened, I didn't even care.  It doesn't happen all the time, other than being a weird sensation, no harm has come of it yet.  I'm not spitting soup on myself, I mean.

Ess. Tremor doesn't necessarily get worse with time, and their have been cases of complete remission.  As time goes on the tremors in my hands seem to get better and better.

The odd thing was that I had a MAJOR anxiety attack today, for the first time in ages, and my thumb where it all started was shaking as violently as it had the first day.  Its amazing what anxiety can do.

[wakeyshakey]

So do you think it's really Essential Tremor, or anxiety?  I just have a hard time believing it's essential tremor because I had NO symptoms of it until one morning I woke up (very stressful, anxious morning) and bam, it was there.
Like you, mine seem to be getting so, so much better.  They are completely gone from my legs, but still in my hands/arms if I am using them A LOT or get nervous.  Funny you mention the mouth thing. I am just the opposite....if it is really, really cold out my mouth/chin will quiver a bit....but doesn't everyone's somewhat??....I overanalyze so bad since I've had anxiety!  When I wake up in the morning my jaw does this little quiver real quick and then it quits.

I guess I'm just confused because my family dr. says stress and the neuroligist (whom I didn't care for at all) looks at me for 3 minutes and says essential tremor without considering my stress/anxiety or even acting like it was relevant. 

Do you thumbs and hands actually hurt from it? If I've had a day where they shook pretty bad my thumbs and fingers will ache really bad.

[oldman]

Anxiety or ET? I think its both. I honestly try not to think about it.  I let my doctors worry about.