Just feel like there is no help out there

[thinker247]

I feel like there is no help out there for someone in my situation. I am poor, uninsured and can certainly not afford good quality therapy on the money I am making now. Also, I am really afraid and reluctant to trust a therapist anymore. I have gone through some really tough and frustrating and discouraging ordeals with therapy and I just feel so hopeless about the future right now. I need a good therapist right now, badly, but I do not have the courage, energy and definitely not the money to see an experienced CBT therapist. I just got out of a group therapy thing after 9 sessions because I was throwing $75 per session that was just not helping me. I haven't been there in two weeks in a row and I haven't received so much as a phone call from that therapist. I am feeling really angry at my country right now (U.S). I have been left to fend for myself to pay for care I could only afford If I was making like 6 figures. How are people getting better from this? I have severe anxiety and am fighting with one of the strongest bouts of depression I have ever had. I am barely hanging on from day to day at a temp job that basically only requires administrative work (and I have a bachelors in Biology). I don't know how long I am going to be able to work before I lose it and either walk out or stop showing up or just quit. I feel forced by society to go to work and pretend like everything is OK when I feel like staying home so I don't have to suffocate in a pressuring environment like work. That's how work feels to me... It feels like I am holding my breath for eight and a half hours and sucking up whatever complaints, fears, frustrations, anger, hesitation I am feeling at the time. I am bottled up and restrained for eight hours, and I feel like I have sustained psychological (and maybe even physical) damage at the end of every work day. What do I do? I have two thick self help books sitting next to me that I have read halfway through,but that I can't seem to get anything useful out of. I am too tired and jaded to put my hopes and trust in yet another therapist. I can't tolerate any medication I have been prescribed in the past for my anxiety and depression other than the very rare dose of Klonopin, and even that makes me feel depressed after the good effects wear off. I feel like I have hit the four walls of an "anxiety room" and there is no way out. What do I do? Has anyone been where I am now and been able to get out? I don't want to see any responses about exercising and eating right as the cure to everything, please. If that was all it took, I would have figured it out by now. Please, someone give me a glimmer of hope. I am really stuck right now...

[Pug60647]

Do you live in a small town, or a city? Is there a real big county near you, or a larger city? I live in Cook County in Chicago, and like some other major cities, we have a County Hospital here. That hospital was able to refer me to MH clinics with sliding scale fees.

Depending on if your State has Federal funding for uninsured, yes UNINSURED patients, you might be able to pay as little as $10 or less per visit. I'm another broke person like you...always was working class, then I became unemployed due to symptoms. Well I only have to pay $7 per visit now, thanks to that Federal funding and sliding scale fees. Also, meds that might cost you $400 a bottle would cost you something like $20.

Call mental health clinics in your area and ask if they have a sliding scale program. You might be able to continue treatment.

...and if you don't like taking the Federal tax money, believe me I didn't either, but I got used to it, out of necessity. So long as the Feds have a program for the uninsured in your State, you should be able to get on a sliding scale program similar to what I described, since you've already been diagnosed.

If you have to switch clinics, request a full copy of your file before leaving the one you're at. I hope this helps.

[bryan3000]

Hey thinker,

I think you were on the right track with your therapy. But, if it wasn't working... you have to look elsewhere. I also detect a lot of resentment from your post, which I understand... because
I had horrible experiences with almost all doctors. I distrust them and that's not helpful. But, it DID lead me to taking things into my own hands.... and when I did that, I started to feel some relief.

By the way, exercise WAS a huge part of me gaining confidence, so it's no cure... but don't downplay its importance. Managing this thing is a percentages game. Meaning, 10% here, 10% there... etc.
But, the main breakthrough for you is going to be one of attitude and confidence. You CAN help yourself, and you can get better. We've all been where you are and we all may again. But, you really have to make peace with yourself and your condition, and try to start making  progress.

You sound angry, and I get it.... I really do. It's interfered with my work, too. I've been afraid of losing my job, too... and I LOVE my job... and it pays well!  Anxiety is an equal opportunity disorder.
It goes after happy people, sad people, rich, poor... doesn't matter.

I would suggest the following....

1. Do anything it takes to make some peace with yourself. If that means taking meds, short-term... do it to gain some temporary relief and clarity. (Avoid SSRI's, in my opinion.. but that's another story.)
Try to do it without meds, if possible. My peace... I mean, just try to accept your situation and not make yourself more upset. Meditation helps many with this. But, whatever it takes... try to give yourself
credit that you CAN do this, and that you deserve to do it. Going after anxiety with a frustrated, angry mind isn't going to be fruitful.

2. Read the book: Surviving Panic Disorder - Stuart Shipko - It's not a self-help book. It's an EASY read, and details this disorder better than anything I've seen. It also deals with medicine myths, such as benzos being "more dangerous than SSRI's" and other very important information. This book will help you understand anxiety from every angle, top to bottom.

3. After that, I recommend Claire Weeks "Pass Through Panic."  The audio book is 2 hours long, so it won't take too much of your time. But, really listen to and accept what she's saying.

(There may be other books people recommend... I just like those because they're quick reads, very effective and people with anxiety don't need long, droning books.)

4. Formulate your goals for improvement and set your plan in place.

You need acceptance and then to build confidence. Many of us look for outside help and honestly... it's very hard to find outside of someone to just write you a prescription.
Most people that I've spoken with who beat this have done it by their own hard work. It's just a matter of realizing that you're capable... accepting your condition, and then making
the commitment.  There's no magic way out of this thing... but at the same time, the solutions are not mystical, either. In fact, they're very simple. You just have to believe
in them and be willing to give yourself time and patience.

Best of luck to you. Keep us updated.

[Brosephski]

I can't offer any help as to your money situation... however, please read my post 'Gotta get this off my chest.'

Will post something more useful later