Relapse :(

[sojealous]

A few years ago I suffered a very sudden and unexpected breakdown triggered by a bout of illness (I had several UTIs in quick succession).  It caused me to suffer what I considered to be health anxiety for a period of about a year, the symptoms being a constant feeling of needing to go to the toilet (much like the symptoms of a UTI) causing me to become irritable, paranoid, and convinced that I was ill yet again despite doctors telling me I was fine.  I never approached anyone for psychiatric help on the matter and only spoke about it in little detail with my mum.  However, I somehow managed to phase out my problems and for the last 2 years I have been as close to "normal" as possible.  I still felt some symptoms of the suspected anxiety from time to time, but never to the degree that I did during that first year.  I felt as though things were really looking up - I applied to university, got a part-time job, learnt to drive; things I couldn't do when I was ill.  My progress has suddenly seemed to stop and I'm finding myself spiraling back into the position I was in before.  This has happened so suddenly with no trigger or anything like that.  I'm having that same feeling of needing to go to the toilet constantly (the main sign) and I'm extremely irritable, frantic, feeling absolutely distraught that this is happening to me again.  It seems a lot more intense this time though, and suicidal thoughts have entered my mind frequently because I feel like I just cannot go through this again.  I'm almost 20 years old and I feel like mental illness is robbing me of the best years of my life.  The reason I posted this in this section rather than the anxiety section is that I'm worried it might be a deeper rooted and more complicated problem.  In other words, I'm worried that the anxiety is a symptom of something bigger.  The way that it appears without warning or a trigger completely baffles me.  I'm scared to open up to my family about what is happening to me because despite them being extremely supportive, I somehow feel judged and I feel like a burden.  I know I should tell them and then seek medical help but I'm just so scared.  This forum really helped me last time and I know that many of you will understand what I'm going through better than family or doctors ever could.  I just really need some guidance right now