eating disorder relapse

[surfmonkey]

As a teen I struggled with my weight. Self image was never good enough. My best friend and I had an ongoing competition to see who could be skinnier,even though we never actually declared that to each other. I was a calorie counter, practicing bulimic,and I would chew and spit out my food. (Sorry for the gorey detail there) I came across a post on a site about someone counting calories. It reminded me of the comfort I found in excessive workouts, dehydration, and food games. I know the dangers of eating disorders. I gave it up a few years ago to better myself. When I saw an old friend at the store she said "wow! Your so thin!" I was never really to big to begin with. When people started to notice I stopped.  I can't wait until my first therapist visit. This sucks. I just wanna be thin I only weigh 135. Isn't that thin enough surfmonkey? Nope. Guess not.

[Pazuzu]

How tall are you? Watching what you eat and counting calories is fine along with exercise and that can keep you at a current weight or help you lose weight. Maybe staying at a current weight and finding something else to do that fills in that desire to have control over something would help you out. I've had a few friends with eating disorders and they all talked about it mostly being the desire to have control over something in your life possibly because everything else seems so out of your control. Reducing stressors in your life may help some. I don't know what you have to deal with on a daily basis or what any long term problems may be that may stress you out but perhaps tackling one small thing at a time will help give you a sense of accomplishment and then focus on doing another thing as long as its one thing at a time. Also when you work out, maybe you could change your workouts like jogging one day, swimming another and going for a hike or walk another day to change it up and make you feel like you're less in a rut. I don't know if any of this helped but that's what some of my friends said that they did along with therapy. I hope it helps you out. Keep your chin up. You've already taken the first step by seeking help which can really be the hardest part sometimes.

[surfmonkey]

Thanks you for your support!! I have the need to be thin. And as well to be attractive. Its a total self esteem issue. I'm 5'5 so my weight is ok but I just want to be thinner. I believe that therapy will help

[Fletch]

I wish you all the luck and therapy will help