I'm going to try working again but have panic attacks

[Pazuzu]

So I'm thinking of entering the work force again after not working for the past 6 years (I receive SSI for my disability which is Crohn's Disease). I've finished Grad school a year ago and my panic attacks and anxiety disorder began 2 1/2 years ago. It was hard making it through school and even driving places or being in stores. Now I have to try and get a job. Problem is, I had a really bad panic attack a few days ago where I drove to pick up my boyfriend because he was stranded at work (bus stopped running). I had my hand on the emergency break the whole time, drove well under the speed limit and had nervous ticks that took a while to stop after I got to my destination. The whole time I felt like I would pass out. I know a lot of people on here have mentioned that its impossible to pass out but one can also pass out from hyperventilating. I can control my breathing well enough but my vision does get black sometimes or I see stars as well. It's uncomfortable and mortifying. My boyfriend drove the rest of the way home once I got there and as soon as we walked into the house I burst into tears. I was absolutely terrified and was beyond relieved once I was in the house. I don't know if I was crying because I was so afraid or because it was finally over (some of the physical symptoms were still there but those do tend to take a while to go away). What I wonder is how on Earth I'm supposed to go back into the work force when the thought terrifies me and I'm afraid that I'll have an episode at work or during the interview even? What am I supposed to do if I get the job but can't handle it? Just accept it as a failed attempt and make myself look bad? I don't know what to do. I know I need therapy but this place is hiring people now. Should I wait until I have all of this under control first?

[Pazuzu]

I just sent in my application through email (as it said to) and now I get to play the waiting game. In all honesty I hope they lose my application and never contact me. Really I'd rather just not be terrified. 

[sixpack]

Hey Paz

you waiting of your panic to get itself under control all on its own is NEVER going to happen.  Oh if it were that easy but it isn't.  Your panic and anxiety will improve once you start challenging those fears.  It is scary as HELL, no doubt.  I think it is great that you've applied for a job.  Keep that up.  You will only fail at the job if you allow BEASTY (your fears and anxiety) to make your life decisions for you.  In order to get the anxiety under control you are going to have to make some big leaps of faith and challenge your fears--know that you are going to get the scary symptoms like seeing stars etc, but they will not hurt you.  Those are from your fear.    But the more you face them, the better you will get.  Take baby steps at first and build on them.  While you are looking for jobs, still get out in the world.  Drive around the block or to the store down the street.  You can do it.  You have to do it or your world will get smaller and smaller.

[Smoky Jo]

Hello           

Welcome.

That was some great advise by, " sixpack ", couldn't get a better response from a
therapist.

Try and go to work, once you start see if it is something you can handle, if you can't,
just resign. This doesn't make you a failure. If you feel like you want to wait till you
get yourself under control, then wait. You don't have to force yourself to do something
if your not ready. When the time is right, you'll know it.

I have anxiety also and I found by forcing myself to do something to overcome a certain
fear, sometimes just doesn't work. I realize that by doing it my way and when I was ready,
was the best formula.

Once again, welcome and have a good day

[markidee]

I just sent in my application through email (as it said to) and now I get to play the waiting game. In all honesty I hope they lose my application and never contact me. Really I'd rather just not be terrified. 

I just had my job on hold. I was at a mental illness clinic and my wife was in the hospital for appendicitis. I still get those jolts of anxiety in front of my students, but try to immediately change the subject, begin a new activity, or gulp a cup of water.

Part of my healing has been letting go of the "what ifs"--they do no good, only bad. You have people that love you, and SSI, etc. I used to try to "think my way out of panic," but that made the symptoms worse. I think your responses are normal. Try to divert your attention and take reasonable risks--perhaps driving is a trigger. How far do you have to drive? I know I get panic attacks when I go jogging or cycling far from home. I just stay close to a comfort zone, but always challenge it a little. Those attacks are devastating and give me an "emotional hangover."

Good luck with the new job. For me, it's an adventure and experience of deeper trust in my higher power.

Best,
m

[boundndetermined]

Just wanted to say that I was off all summer (work for a school) and I was really worried that going back would be awful since I had the panic attacks flare up in July. But I have been in therapy and on a daily med....back to work for 2 weeks now and it has been awesome!!!! :) Hang in there! Wishing you the best of luck!! :)

[Pazuzu]

NEW NEWS!

They got my resume and want me to have a phone interview with me, the first of three interviews. It's this Friday at 10:30am and that's the latest I could schedule it for. I have my first counseling appointment that same day at 9am. Perhaps my counselor will be able to pump me up enough to be able to handle the interview that I'll be having 30min after my counseling session. I'll be popping a Klonopin that day for sure. So far I have my foot in the door. Its all happening a bit fast for me and I hope I can handle it all.

[sixpack]

great Paz

don't hope just expect that it will go well and you will handle it.  REmember if you expect it to go well, you will get a much better outcome.

[boundndetermined]

Hooray!!!! :) I think it seems that things are all in line for you...counseling right before the interview, first interview by phone which will certainly relieve some pressure and prepare you for the next interview!! :) I love what Sixpack said...expect it will go well and you will handle it!! You can do this!! :)

[jane134]

Hey, that is great, Paz! Good luck to you and remember to THINK POSITIVE!

[Pazuzu]

Thanks guys I will! 

[Smoky Jo]

You'll do just fine---good luck

[Pazuzu]

I haven't even had the phone interview yet and I'm freaking out about it. I'm stressed out all day and night to the point of wanting to vomit or cry. I cried last night, just broke down really. Today my anxiety is really high as the interview is tomorrow and I'm having a really hard time studying for the interview so I'm not constantly fumbling over my words during the interview. I took a Klonopin about a half hour ago but it hasn't quite kicked in yet and I plan on taking one well before the interview tomorrow morning to help me relax. I'm worried about having a panic attack during the second or third interview where I won't be able to think or will run out of the room to the nearest bathroom to cry my eyes out cause I'm so overwhelmed. I know, one thing at a time but I also worry about starting work again even if the job is easy, its just out of my comfort zone and everything just feels like its all happening at once. I guess I'm just worried about making a scene. Anyone have any tips or pointers on how to stay calm?

[kite]

Some pointers on how to stay calm?  I have a few (and I have a second interview in 10 hours, too!  So I'm already practicing these!)

1. BREATHE.  Careful, slow, steady breaths.  Close your eyes if it will help.
2.  You know the likely questions you'll be asked in an interview.  Write your answers down and read read read.  Not to mention, since your first interview is over the phone, you can use it as a cheat-sheet!  They won't be able to see you!
3.  Personally, while I'm doing the breathing exercises right before the interview, I also tend to say a little prayer to ask for composure.
4.  Avoid excess caffeine if you can.  It just riles some people up and can make some people more anxious.  (I'm drinking peppermint tea right now.  It's good to calm the tummy, too!)

[Pazuzu]

Had the interview. Wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. She said that I did well and that the woman who normally decides who gets a second interview won't be back till Tuesday and she said I should be getting a call back that day or a day or two later to let me know if I can come in for the second interview, which is in person and is a half hour, but i used the full half hour on my phone interview anyway. I think I did well.

Thank you all for your replies. :D

[sixpack]

sounds execellent!!!