Reading your post reminded me of something i went through at about 15 ( in no way am I trying to parallel you to a child by the way). For several months i avoided my room altogether, choosing instead to sleep on the living room couch; primary reason being that i wanted to make sure if my heart gave out at night, there was a greater chance that one of my family members would detect something and call an ambulance. In any case, as i lied there at night i would occassionally hear a dog's bark, just audible, coming from outside. Instantly i knew this was significant indeed, the infamous sixth sense of animals; Death himself was roaming outside of my home, waiting to collect me. As negligent to rationale it may seem, i had convinced myself that just so long as i stayed inside my home, Death would be unable to enter and thus denied my soul. Suffice it to say, once the sun went down, i was in doors at all times and all costs. *This perverse sense of comfort i had been awarded did not last, for i soon realized that great though my fear was for walking through the front door at night, greater still was the fear i had for my bedroom. At times i could not help but imagine some figure standing in my bedroom door way, it's appearance as lacking in detail as my thoughts were, trying vainly to familiarize themselves with this new onset of hideous dread. It seemed as though i would never enter my bedroom again, until one night it dawned on me what this creature was; an agent, if you will, sent my Death, to keep me from entering my room, for only there could true protection be found. I specifically recall flopping my sheets over my shoulder and rushing into my room and onto my bed, which had not been slept in for nearly 4 months. That night, i slept soundly for what seemed to be the first time in my life. *Unfortunately, that night did not last, and soon thereafter i began barricading my door each night with everything from chairs to petrified wood blocks. You see, i was now possessed. The night i had returned to my bedroom, i had not passed some dark agent of Death keeping me away from protection, No, i had passed a benelovent force which was keeping me from danger. Now sharing it with some demonic spirit, who could really say that as i slept this demon would not use my unconscious body to his own ends?
1. Perhaps he would kill me, leaving my lifeless body, in apparent 0119, dead upon the floor.
-Because of this, i locked away all of my guns,knives,pens, and pencils in other parts of the house.
2.Perhaps he would kill my family.
-Because of this, i set up several "movie traps" in the 15 foot walk from the bed to the door, not to mention i began wrapping myself in complex patterns and rhythms with no less than 11 sheets each night.
****As most people on this site can I'm sure, I can go on forever with examples of my "insanity" and it's episodes over the years. I chose this one however because i think it was a perfect example of how we can allow our imagination as you put it, to become our reality; spawning out perpetually in all directions. Although it goes against my pride, i sometimes think that perhaps i do not have some absurd level of genious too large to be contained by one human brain ( thus the reason of it all), but that i am instead, simply bored.
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Topic: Can't Figure Out This Fear Of An Entity (Read 571 times)
April 02, 2007, 01:00:27 PM