Questioning reality

[Queezus]

I've developed a strange fear lately that's been driving me crazy. I recently started thinking about what if my whole world was just in my imagination and I was living in a world similar to the matrix. I keep thinking about if other people aren't conscious and are just figments of my imagination, and I'm all alone and I'm the only conscious being. Basically, I've been scared about existence and thinking about if my world even really exists. It's kind of been driving me crazy, I feel like I can't believe anything is real around me anymore. And whenever I think about infinity or the universe or false reality, I start to panic. I've been seeing a therapist, but she just tells me it's anxiety. I've been getting a lot of panic attacks and freak outs from thinking about this.. I just recently started lexapro 10mg and so far I've gotten slightly worse when it comes to thinking about that, but slightly fewer panic attacks. I know this fear sounds really illogical and selfish, but I just can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me crazy. I've heard others I asked about calling it derealization, depersonalization, or existential anxiety. Any help please?

[eduk8or]

I have had spurts of this, but not everyday for long periods of time.  This has happened when my anxiety has been really high.  Usually it would just hit me out of the blue, but mine was "what if my kids/life are just a figment of my imagination and I am really sitting in a comatose state in a psychiatrict hospital?"  It would usually put me in to panic mode cuz I would think I was totally losing it.  Not fun!  So, I do know where you are coming from!

[Queezus]

Well, that's good to know I'm not the only one who thinks this.

It's gotten really bad though.. I'm basically obsessing over these thoughts and it's all I can think about. I haven't been having panic attacks much anymore, but the thoughts are still very persistent. I'm guessing that's the lexapro starting to take effect. I'm just hoping my obsession with this thought doesn't drive me crazy.

[Conspiracy Bird]

I have thoughts in that direction occasionally, but not as intensly as you do. Sounds like obsessive thoughts and anxiety to me.

[eduk8or]

Try not to give these kinds of thoughts any more weight than you would any other thought.  The more attention you pay to them, the more important they will seem to your brain and the more they will continue to be bothersome.  Try to think of a thought you've had recently that you didn't pay that much attention to.  How/why did that thought slip through without being noticed much?  You have to do the same with these types of thoughts.  They are intrusive, anxious thoughts is all.  Just say "it's my anxiety acting up again" and let the thought go...

[Princein]

Oh I get the same thing all the time and used to get it when I abused cough syrup a hell of a lot. There's actually a whole philosophical tradition based around it as well as several responses to why it would be implausible.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism

Hope that helps. 

[Elrino]

I kind of have the same problem. Except when I will be recollecting with family or friends, I will question if the event actually happened. I have a hard time differentiating reality with dreams and thoughts. It really bothers me a lot because I will be in the middle of talking about something and then I will interrupt myself and say "...I think that happened..." and people give me weird looks. I wish I could help differentiate that kind of stuff. I know this isn't totally related or the same as your fear, but I thought of this when I read your story.

[danny1993]

This thought alone triggered ALL my anxiety problems I was fine until 1 day I thought is the world real now im lay here typing with a quickened heartbeat just reminding me of the time i first thought this ! Lmao and try to do things go out with friends and maybe exercise since ive done this reality has hit me in the face again but i do get the occasinal drop down from reality but try not to worry about it to much and remember a thought is a thought! thats all its is theres no ned to overthink it!

:D Hope you feel better soon i know how Terrifying the feeling you get from this thought is :D

[vincent1890vangogh]

I have also experienced similar things...

[opheliagirl]

OMG yes!  This is a major cause of anxiety for me.  I fear that the world is not real and neither am I...combined with the numbness I feel...the distance to my body and to the world around me...this has caused the majority of my panic attacks.  I commiserate!!

[cforan]

Me too... it's called depersonalization/derealization... it's a strange symptom of many anxiety disorders and depression.

http://www.panic-anxiety.com/depersonalization-derealization/

[markidee]

The Truman Show was based on this. The Stranger, Nausea--even the little prince--suggest this fear.

I think many people are "functional solipsists"--the world is (name)-centric, not heliocentric. I have been so horrified of this thought, it's put me into movies, while watching the move (most recently, Inception).

I have to guard what I watch and see (and avoid alcohol or any non-prescribed drugs), or life can become this horror film.

Part of my "derealization," involves sudden fits of terror at people's expressions, inanimate objects, etc, are symptoms of severe anxiety. This knowledge--and knowing that I could "drink away this irrationality" (w/out drinking)--seems to help.

[eduk8or]

Mark,

I hear you loud and clear.  I too feel like I have to censor what I watch because my mind can just take things to such bad places sometimes. When my anxiety was really high, I was obsessed with the "Truman Show".  In classic anxiety style, I kept questioning my reality and wondering if I was on a show like this and of course the "what ifs" were ruthless.  I haven't watched the movie "Inception" yet for this very reason, although I've heard it's good.  Mostly I stick to comedies or mindless romance movies, but thrillers or anything with a psychological twist are off limits.  Sad.

[We Are Ok]

I realize (no pun intended) that this is a very old thread, however I have been thinking VERY similar to what Queezus described. For example if you were feeling this way you would be sitting here questioning if I am real or just a creation of some "imagination" or chemicals in the universe basically. I have been depressed for a few years, diagnosed with depressive disorder NOS and am very socially anxious, though not diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I also have occasional spells of anxiety. A few days ago I woke up with what I suppose was my first panic attack, tingling and numbness in the arms and mouth, and my hands felt extremely weird when I touched things, like sliding my hand across my shorts felt like my hand was "lagging" sort of like when in water, the sensations themselves were definitely more horrific than the emotions that caused them. Ever since then I was worried about having more panic attacks, which I have been waking up every morning with the numb/tingling, slightly less intense though. But about 3 days ago I started questioning everything, from the ground up. The questioning if I am the only consciousness has made my anxiety worse and made me feel very detached and alone. I've questioned reality and life in itself, everything including physical feelings and sensations, to emotions and tastes and sounds. All in all a "maybe this isn't real" feeling would probably make anyone feel depressed. It's seeming to get a little less intense, I have bouts where I start convincing myself that it's definitely not true and I'm ok, but then later the same day I'll go back to feeling totally dreadful, I currently am having trouble eating from it and actually threw up from forcing myself to eat. It's like I start thinking about it, and it's a hard concept to think about(which explains why not many people do) and once I think so far I hit that one spot where everything feels fake and I start to feel very anxious and dreadful. Also having trouble getting to sleep, and having vivid and strange dreams, not quite nightmares. Assuming I am real and all of you are real, our minds are very very powerful, but nobody can truly know the answers to these questions, it really seems like if it is indeed in my(or our) heads, that it's something I will just have to give time to move on or forget about. I am currently going to the doctor August 2nd for a physical in which my therapist that I'm no longer going to told me I could ask about medications for my depression. However I am thinking about seeing if I can get to the doctor sooner, as I am sure an anti-anxiety medication would help me get out of this rut, or at least help me eat/sleep better until I do.