Hello, my name's Stephanie and I'm fifteen years of age. I have a long line of issues with my mental health, and I've kept most of it bottled up to myself. The first thing I was ever diagnosed with was OCD and I was about in the sixth grade. It never really bothered me, I just received some teasing from ignorant classmates. During the course of the sixth grade I became depressed, I lost all of the bright shining self confidence I once had. From about eleven to almost fourteen I developed depression and (now that I look back) anxiety disorder symptoms. I picked up the nasty habit of smoking during this time, because it helped me calm down; my lungs are now thanking me for that half-a-pack a day. I also started to mutilate myself, mostly burning myself and stabbing the fleshier parts of me, I was never really into silting my wrists though. My parents never noticed, so I kept my depression to myself. After an attempted 0119, that to this day I've never told anyone about, I had a revelation that life is short and I should live rather than regret lost time... or die. I made it through this and had a few happy months before my GAD showed more and more symptoms.
A few months before I turned fifteen I was a fairly happy, arrogant person which was a contrast to my former lacking of self-confidence and depression. Unfortunately, GAD is genetic and my dad, his mom, his mom's mom, my mother's grandma, and her uncle all have it so I was over due to find out about mine. I was in class when I started worrying and stressing about a friend who had a vain collapse due to her herion addiction and I started sweating, feeling rapid heart beat, severe nausea, etc. All the normal symptoms of an anxiety attack. Then I fainted, it was one of the scariest moment in my life to wake up to my teacher check my pulse, asking if I could hear him. After that missed school for about a week and a half, because I was having anxiety attacks for that entire week. For the most part I was back to normal, I just cut out caffeine and erased crack from my 'Drugs to do list'. I would occasionally have an attack and I did have another major one that caused me to faint a few months after my first, but at least I could still live most of my life. There was a lot of support from my family members with GADs and I had most of my teachers tell me about the time they had anxiety attacks and rushed to the ER. Best of all I had a friend with a GAD (not as severe as some, but none the less).
The reason I'm here is the panic disorder I've developed. I had my first panic attack in chemistry and the feelings were smothering, disconnecting, and made me feel insane and on the verge of death. I began to dread chemistry and science classes in general. All the support I once had, no longer wanted or was able to provide sympathy. When I quit smoking the combination of tobacco withdrawl and panic attacks were almost too much. I have them ever day now, multiple times a day. I can't function and don't want to leave my room, especially my bad where I lose this terrible reality and dream. I went on vacation and had panic attacks the entire time. I feel my depression coming back. I just sit, cry, and have panic attacks. My parents smoke too much pot and won't get their lazy asses up to go get me health insurance or even look for a therapist's office close by. My dad uses his GAD as an excuse, which I would understand if he didn't tell me to suck up palpations and the feeling that I'm going to die. My mom just get frustrated and pissy whenever I come crying to her after a panic attack. I just want to feel some support until I get my own car and some gambling money together for some help. Even then will my panic disorder ever go away or will it just become less severe and less frequent?
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Topic: Finally trying out a support forum :] (Read 174 times)
August 02, 2006, 03:37:03 AM