Bipolar Disorder?

[rkf3921]

Hi,

To begin with, I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Beginning in November of last year, I began having these weird mood swings unlike anything (and I dealt with depression and anxiety in high school) unlike anything that I have ever experienced before. I would feel uneasy, unhappy, anxious about everything, and it would gradually build up over a few days until I would break down crying and crying because i was so scared and hopeless about what was going on with me and hated the panic i would experience over everything. It begins in an overly thoughtful mood, then I guess I focus too much on the future and other things that trouble me and have troubled me in the past. I think about how hard life is to live and how much of a struggle the rest of my life will be even though, on days when I feel better, I don't feel that way at all. It's all racing thoughts I can't quit that go round and round in my head of all the things I dislike, am scared of, the hopelessness I feel....and then the deep, piercing sadness over that. Then, on top of it all, I start to panic even more about what could be wrong with me and how uneasy and frightened and sad I feel. I used to be able to regulate my anxiety and depression when I was younger, but now, it's an impossible task. One of my worst fears is severe mental illness, and every day I worry that I'm going to lose my best comfort--my internal sanity. I become immobilized in these thoughts and even feel completely depersonalized, like time stops and I'm stuck in my racing thoughts until I start crying and crying and can't stop for awhile. I'll also avoid certain people and like to be alone at home (being in the public during these times is the most trying thing ever). It's the hardest thing I've every had to go through. I've been taking citalopram (20 mg) since March, and, about a month ago, began taking abilify since I still would have these mood swings. They just come and go randomly, hand in hand, no matter what's going on in my life. The sadness part lasts a few days (although I usually feel a bit better during the morning/day), then I'll be fine for a little while. That's why I'm wondering if I might be bipolar. The one thing is, that I don't really have manic phases. There are, however, times when I'm in a very good mood, kind of hyper, very friendly, self-confident...but I'm not impulsive or any other severe feature of a manic episode. I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist soon, but does anyone who is more familiar with bipolar disorder think that there might be reason to believe that I could have it?

[Kallie]

It is best you talk to your Dr about it, Bipolar isn't a very easy thing to diagnose.

Form what you describe, it almsot sounds more like depression, just do to the lack of manic phases, it could just be your citalopram isn's a high enought dose. Lol but I am not a Dr. by any means.

People often associate manic with being happy, it is partially that, many people feel a euphoric high, but manic isn't always a happy state. When I have my manic episodes I am like a hyper, irritable, crazy b****. It's like a state of excitable anger for me almost, this is when the impulsiveness comes into play as well. That is a large characteristic of the manic episodes. These episodes are supposed to last from a week or two at a time as well.

It's important to not focus on finding a name for what we have, but to focus on getting help. Even my Dr. cannot 100% say I have Bipolar Disorder, just because it has such a wide array of signs. She tries to encourage me to understand that having the label doesn't make it better, it's seeking out for help and working on yourself. I like to say I have Kallie Type 2 :)

[tigerpaw]

Sorry I didn't see this earlier.

I take seroquel for my bipolar disorder and it really helps!

[vatoloco]

I'm type 2 as well. Its not easy dealing with this, especially for the people around us! No matter what you have its good for you to seek help from your doctor and ur friends. If you think its bipolar then ask your doctor and hold nothing back open up to your doctor and tell them everything.

[popeye]

i am  bi polar last 2 years.dr  will tell you  what you have,but iwas  excessivly manic.not eating not sleeping.i really was not  depressed,everybody  is  ddifferent. i am  on  lithium. no more mood swings.

[eduk8or]

Not everyone has mania in the classic sense of feeling good/impulsive/ etc as Kallie said.  Some people experience hypomania, which is a milder version of mania and not as "out of control".  Hypomania can also be felt as irritabilty or excitable anger.  If you feel like you are having mood swings, it would be a good idea to just track your moods everyday for a  week  so that when you see a psychiatrist, you can show them what you are talking about.  You can find printable versions on-line.  The most important thing to remember is that bipolar is treatable and you can live a full life even if you have it.

[KristinMC828]

i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I in april of 09 when i had a horrible manic episode. i hadn't slept in almost a week and was having delusions.
i'm on lithium and abilify and they seem to work wonders for me.
bipolar disorder is different for everyone, just talk to your doctor about it and maybe they will be able to re-evalutate you

[lindahurt]

I'm bipolar and it sounds like you very well make have a form of it.