Growing up with anxiety part 2

[benji]

I had just finished kindergarten and in a couple of months I was to start primary school. This event was the trigger for my anxiety. Unfortunately this high level of anxiety was a constant companion through all of my childhood. You see my mother was and still is a worrier, her habit was to worry about anything and most things, and in the same way genetic information is passed from a parent to a child, I had inherited this emotional pattern of worry.
Hello beautiful people, here is the second part of my story. There is a third part I'll put that up in a couple days. ;-)


I was also born with an extreme level of sensitivity, this combined with the pattern of worry; created high levels of anxiety in my childhood.

The first day of school I was anxious about leaving my mother, at school I was anxious about people not liking me, about being judged, I was anxious everything and most things.

When I was 8 years old, I joined the boy-scouts, on our 3rd excursion we went to the beach, while the scout leaders were occupied with watching the other kids near the water I was bullied by a couple of the bigger boys, the impact on me was devastating. I never went back to scouts, as I was scared of being bullied again.

That night after I got home from the beach, as I lay in bed, I was unable sleep. My mind kept obsessing over what had happened and how disempowered I felt. My self-worth and my self-esteem took a very low dive and for the first time in my young life I began to experience depression.

[djomlacar]

I totally know what you are talking about. This is,I believe,similar to everyone's story here. We inherited emotional pattern, or anxiety predestination. We,like all the other people, had stress in childhood, but because of genes, we weren't able to deal with it, and therefore developed a disorder. When stress is high, and defense is weak, trigger can be even the smallest thing.

[MrBBB]

Hi benji -

My childhood was very similar, I was always anxious as far back as I can remember. I think that I inherited this trait from my mother.. and it didn't help that my father had a very hot tempter (he drank a lot back then), which I am sure contributed to more anxiety and fear.

[benji]

hey mrbb, my dad was the same drank a lot fearsome temper. We were fortunate he never hit us, but the potency of his temper was enough to unnerve me

[surfmonkey]

Don't you just love how we all got this trait from our mothers?! My mom still makes me afraid of the world! Its not easy when you were bullied :/ once a boy told my friend I was ugly and I was torn apart. Someone told her I looked like I was on drugs. I didn't even know him! My whole life I struggled with self esteem and now I've grown up and been referred to as a "fox" haha. But I know the damage people can do. I have no self esteem at all. Not a bit. I know how it aches

[radgirl79]

When stress is high, and defense is weak, trigger can be even the smallest thing.

I totally agree with that statement djomlacar! I get anxious over the silliest things. It's so frustrating!

[radgirl79]

Don't you just love how we all got this trait from our mothers?! My mom still makes me afraid of the world! Its not easy when you were bullied :/ once a boy told my friend I was ugly and I was torn apart. Someone told her I looked like I was on drugs. I didn't even know him! My whole life I struggled with self esteem and now I've grown up and been referred to as a "fox" haha. But I know the damage people can do. I have no self esteem at all. Not a bit. I know how it aches

I have 2 replies to this post:

1.) I know I got my anxiety partly from my mother too. I feel like she had it really bad right before she passed away, and that's why she turned to the bottle at the end of every day to relieve it.

2.) My fiancee tells me all the time how beautiful and smart I am....but i never know how to take the compliment. He gets frustrated with me sometimes, because I down myself so much. I try to smile and just say "thank you," but in my head I'm telling myself that he's crazy.

[surfmonkey]

Sorry to hear about your mom that's terrible. When I get compliments from my husband I do the say thing. Just smile and say thank you and then we don't have to explain our lack of self esteem

[crazygirl1]

omg...yes that's me to a T. Amazing huh? ...
My mother suffered from anxiety as well but I do not balme her for my anxiety. I simply wish that she had access to the help online at least that we have.
 I too had a horrible time starting school and being away from home. it was aweful for me...

[radgirl79]

Exactly surfmonkey! Through therapy I am learning to be more self-aware, and I'm also learning what caused my anxiety and what my triggers are. My therapist is having me make a "genogram" of my family. I had to Google it cause I'd never heard of it before. She had me go back 3 generations. It basically helps you to learn what  traits (anxiety, alcoholism, etc.) you share with other family members. It really showed me a lot of things I didn't think about....

[surfmonkey]

Its hard to be in school and away from family! You need to develop a comfort zone of some sort! I think that getting this anxiety from family sucks but we can fix it so hopefully our children won't get it! I wouldn't wish this low self esteem on my worst enemy. I had no clue what a genogram was until today :)