Thoughts and anxiety

[MrBBB]

I think the thing that bothers me the most about my anxiety is that often times I feel that I am needlessly bringing it on myself. It is almost as if there is some part of me that doesn't want me to be happy or normal. I feel like I am on some kind of self destructive mission sometimes. When I do get out of this state of mind, which I always do at some point in the day, I feel just fine and happy again. I don't know why, but it is sometimes hard to come to terms with the fact that my illness is making me feel this way.

[lost_in_translation]

I totally relate to this. Especially when stepping back and seeing the real problems and horrors that lots of people in the world deal with. Famine, war, abuse...

I am thankfully not affected by these directly. I have a place to live, people who care about me, and a fantastic therapist. I still feel anxious all the time. I still feel ill equipped to deal with my life. But when I have moments of clarity I often say to myself "what's the big friggin' deal?"

I think that this is where brain chemistry comes in. Our brains tell us lies. We don't have to believe them, but we have to work really hard to learn not to. Even meds can't help me with this. They help me survive, but I am trying to learn to talk back to my anxiety and say "quit it! I have s*** I need to do and you are not welcome right now!"

[tigerpaw]

Anxiety is a slippery slope.  What I would suggest is trying to identify the "thoughts" that bring you down.

Anxiety has triggers, some more obvious than others.

Bad thought patterns can really drag you down.

[MrBBB]

I am fully functioning at least, and that I have to be thankful for. I can tell that I am gradually starting to feel better overall, with the help of therapy and med's. I guess I just have to realize that I will have better days than others, and slipping backwards occassionally is normal.

[tigerpaw]

I have suffered HA many years, with meds too, and yes I can say that there are times where I slip back for several days and then bounce back.  Maybe guys have that time of the month too, lol!!!

[djomlacar]

I have suffered HA many years, with meds too, and yes I can say that there are times where I slip back for several days and then bounce back.  Maybe guys have that time of the month too, lol!!!

Yeap,it's one of those days LOL

Seriously now,MrBBB,I often had this thought that "I'm doing something to myself" and that is actually my fault I'm having anxiety.
However,I did a little research and found out some things that I,of course,knew,but wasn't aware of. I believe that problem you are referring to is called "inner talk". I learned some exceptional ways to deal with it in a book called "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman.Hopefully you will find something interesting in it.

[MrBBB]

Thanks for the tip djomlacar, I will check it out.

[GreenThumb]

Another way I have of looking at anxiety when I'm feeling sorry for myself is that millions of people have chronic diseases - diabetes, cancer, lupus, heart disease, AIDS, the list goes on. Anxiety just happens to be my disease. When I start feeling like "why me?" I sometimes have to stop myself and think that all of these other people didn't ask to have their diseases, why am I any different? I'm human and this is the card that I have been dealt in life due to a number of various reasons and now I just need to learn how to live WITH it instead of fighting it or wishing I didn't have it. I think that's the only way I'm ever going to get over this beast! 

[eagles03]

Do you guys think about your anxiety all the time? Obviously the anxiety lingers with you through out the day, or if there is something you're anxious about. But do you think about the fact that you have anxiety all the time? I wake up in the morning, and I don't feel like I have anything to be anxious about, but my first thought it, "how's that anxiety doing this morning".

[MrBBB]

It sure makes it more difficult to feel sorry for yourself when you think about all the people in this world that are much worse off than we are. At least this is something we can break free from with enough commitment and persistence.

[GreenThumb]

Right there with you! I feel like my "having anxiety" is this dark cloud that follows me around every day. Sometimes I'm lucky to get involved enough in something and I'll forget about it, but the first thing that comes to my mind when things calm down again is "how am I feeling?, am I anxious?, what isn't right about me at this moment?"

Maddening!

[eagles03]

Right there with you! I feel like my "having anxiety" is this dark cloud that follows me around every day. Sometimes I'm lucky to get involved enough in something and I'll forget about it, but the first thing that comes to my mind when things calm down again is "how am I feeling?, am I anxious?, what isn't right about me at this moment?"

Maddening!

How long have you felt like that for? I'm kind of wondering if there will be a day when I will wake up and think about what I have to do that day rather than thinking about my anxiety. I'd rather think about something that make me anxious than think about the anxiety itself. Ever since I was told I have anxiety two months ago I've had that dark cloud you speak of.

I feel like after learning what anxiety is, that I may have actually had it for a while, but when I didn't know what it was, I didn't think about it it all the time. I can handle the anxiety, I just hate thinking about it all the time like I do now.

[djomlacar]

Right there with you! I feel like my "having anxiety" is this dark cloud that follows me around every day. Sometimes I'm lucky to get involved enough in something and I'll forget about it, but the first thing that comes to my mind when things calm down again is "how am I feeling?, am I anxious?, what isn't right about me at this moment?"

Maddening!

How long have you felt like that for? I'm kind of wondering if there will be a day when I will wake up and think about what I have to do that day rather than thinking about my anxiety. I'd rather think about something that make me anxious than think about the anxiety itself. Ever since I was told I have anxiety two months ago I've had that dark cloud you speak of.

I feel like after learning what anxiety is, that I may have actually had it for a while, but when I didn't know what it was, I didn't think about it it all the time. I can handle the anxiety, I just hate thinking about it all the time like I do now.

In my early days of anxiety,I also had a lot of thoughts about anxiety,especially since I didn't know it was anxiety back then.Everyday I thought if that was the last day of anxiety,almost praying it will go away.
However,time is sometimes a power healer, so after a few years I developed a way not to think about anxiety itself,cause I have learned in a hard way it is the most fatal thing to do.
I guess,in time,you will find a way not to think about anxiety,and the dark cloud will vanish in the thin air

[GreenThumb]

I would say I've had full-blown GAD for 2.5 years now, and I've felt this "dark cloud" for probably about the past 1.5 years. Ever since I nailed down my therapist and actually forced her to give me a diagnosis, I've incorporated anxiety disorder into my everyday thoughts. I think that's probably why so many therapists resist putting a "label" on someone's problems. The thing that I have been working on, now that I'm starting to feel better, is not thinking that "I AM my anxiety". Yes, it's a part of who I am, but it doesn't have to define me; it's only a small part of my person.

I've been feeling better because I finally caved and started taking an SSRI - Zoloft. I can't say I'm 100%, but it's getting me to a calmer, happier place where I'm more able to apply the things I've been learning in therapy. Before I was just such an anxious mess that I couldn't really think about "changing the way I think". I was in pure survival mode.

I find that the more "good days" that I have in a row, the more I'm able to think less about my anxiety. And then of course, the less I think about the anxiety, the more good days I tend to have, lol. Anxiety is all about compounding - good thoughts compound on themselves, and bad thoughts also compound on themselves. The trick is to get on a good streak and to keep it going so your mind and body have a chance to heal. 

[MrBBB]

Greenthumb: you are in saying that anxiety is only a small part of us and we shouldn't let it define who we are. It doesn't make us any less intelligent, weaker, or any other negative label we can put on ourselves. Anxiety is a part of every persons life, but some just experience it more than others. Anxiety can be a good thing if this energy is harnessed correctly..losing the fear of it is the hardest part. 

[abeja_reina_1989]

I completely understand. Try to eat right, drink a lot of water and think positively. A nap never hurts either

[mom12735]

I call it "grinding"

My therapist calls it "dwelling."

"It" is anxiety, and I think of it often.

I've found there's no way not to think of your anxiety. NO WAY.

So when anxious thoughts descend on me I try to accept those thoughts.

I'm not always successful, but I've gotten better over time.

I've drawn strength from the Claire Weekes book "Hope and Help for Your Nerves"

I frequently refer to her sentence from Chapter 6 --- "The power of adrenaline-releasing nerves is limited"

Just remember it can't get worse, unless you let it.

Good luck.



 

[MrBBB]

Hi mom -

That Claire Weekes book has helped me quite a bit too. When I get the fear of having some kind of breakdown, I remember that part of the book where she talks about our bodies having limited supplies of adrenaline, and that we are not machines that can just keep going until we explode.

[mom12735]

I don't want hijack this thread, but I wanted to add one more thought.

I'm having a poor day today, as least as compared to the previous seven. The reason? I've got anxiety on my mind.

I'm thinking about "it" more today.

I don't like it, and I don't think I've completely lost my fear of it. But when it's big on my mind, I do everything I can to accept it. Not easy, but it's the only way.

And these are the days when I keep the Weekes book close.