think im an emotional masochist

[surfmonkey]

All my life I've known emotional pain. I know what depression is. I know how to feel happy some days. I feel I've been there and done that with every subject. I hate when people pitty me. I think I actually may like to be depressed. I think I'm so use to being hurt and forced into pain that I've grown to like it. I don't want to be this way! I want to wake up every single day happier than I was the day before but when I feel I get a little to happy I dislike the feeling so much I force a bad memory to my thought and sulk until the happiness dries up. I'm not liking this conclusion today