Need some help in my situation.

[gsxr60097]

i have had a panic disorder since as long as I can know.  The main thing that holds me back is the physical part.  My stomach feels like it gets turned inside out and I usually need to use the restroom.  I am 29 now and have never had a real relationship.  i am lucky if I make it through an hour lunch with people from work.  I hate it I tell you.  All it does is take.  Anyway, I think a girl at work may be interested and she is 27 with an 8 yr old and is in a relationship now.  She would basically be leaving a normal relationship and be going into one with a person in very bad shape.  I have been a mess since all this happened (more so than usual) I just have no clue what to do.  I just don't know how this will end up especially since I quit meds a few weeks ago.  Although,  I am good at hiding all of the pain.  No one ever suspects.  I just don't know what to do.  I just want to move on in life.

[anxiousinfla]

You are in the right place and we know that this demon just takes and takes.

You didn't say why you went off the meds or if you were better then?

If you need meds to function, so be it. It is NOT a weakness.

As far as the relationship, IMO, two bad things: #1: She'll be jumping from the frying pan, into the fire. Going right from one relationship to another is not healthy. You need down time. And how do you know she has a "normal" relationship?
#2: I have always been told by Docs, books, people, etc...that while in the throws of a bad time, if you are not in a current relationship, DO NOT enter into one until you are stable. Usually not a good idea.

You have to make the decisions. They are always tough ones, but you can do it. And take care of yourself, FIRST!!

[lt33]

Hi Gsx,

I imagine how hard that situation is on you.

I think Anxiousinfla is completely right about jumping from one relationship to another, and that you'de be getting yourself into troubles by doing it.
It would be very hard for things to work in that situation, even if she wants to get out of her present relationship it will probably take her some time to do that, people sometimes go back, break-up, go back, untill there's nothing more to go back to, and if you're already feeling down, being part of this would drag you down even more.
Be positive about that, if there's really something going on between you and her, chances will get better with time, not worse.

I think I understand you about being in a bad shape, maybe this is what you should think of for now, to get well again, to get the balance back, it seems that your self image is a bit low (I'm about your age, it seems to be the first age crisis, the 30's...).

This is something you can change, allthough it's not easy, you can start dealing with what makes you feel bad and holding you down, solve it or cope with the unsolveable, and get the good shape back. The pain you're used to hide, maybe work place wouldn't be the better one for you to show your feelings, but it would do you good to talk about it with someone, maybe do psycotherapy.
I feel I started changing things when i began doing psycotherapy and facing the past, by letting that pain go, everyday a little bit. Things will continue to hurt you deeply for some time, but at a certain moment you'll probably reach a point where the worse is gone, and that you just have to hang on for things to get better.
Maybe this sounds like the sort of  positive thinking one gets in "self-help" books, the kind we don't believe when we're down, but the hopelessness feeling is the worse trick depression plays on you, so, think about the good things. The bad things in your way, the strength you use to handle the pain is enough for you to sort them out.

I hope you'll get better soon. The support I got here helped me, I hope it will help you as well.

lenny

[gsxr60097]

I am seeing a shrink at the moment and it does help.  I went off the meds because they were making me sleep so much I was dreading weekends because I would sleep till 1 or 2PM and fell really guilty.  I guess I should keep taking the antidepressants though.  I have been thinking positively but cannot help thinking how much I have lost in every aspect of my life and how lonely it is.
As far as the new relationship you guys are right.  If it was meant to be it will be and I will do my best to make it happen if I have an opportunity.  And yes there does need to be a break in a relationship before starting a new one.
I am also living by a new philosophy of getting my single life to be great because until then how can a relationship be good.
Approaching my 30 yr mark is not helping.  Along with my hairloss I feel really unattractive.  I am trying to stay positive though.  I just have really low self esteem.

[lt33]

Good that you're seeing the shrink, and the new philosophy is great!
The age thing wasn't good for my self esteem neither, I imagine it's something we'll overcome and think of as positive soon. If all turns out well in 10 years we'll be whining that we're 40!
The sleeping side-effects are supposed not to last long, but if that's the worse you got, maybe it's worth it, it really depends on how you feel.
Do post, PM me if you want to. Often I read people's posts and it's as if it was me, there's common ground here and sharing it helps.