My anxiety is preventing me from having another relationship

[shygirl26]

Hi everyone. Well, almost a year and a half ago my boyfriend and I broke up. We were high school sweethearts and he was my first true love. My anxiety was a factor in our breakup, because I will be the first to admit I was difficult to put up with before I got treatment. But he has moved away and I know that we will never be together again. The problem is now, I am still having trouble with relationships. I am (as the name says) pretty shy, I will never be a girl who is comfortable with just going up to someone and asking them out. I know a lot of guys at school, but none that I am really interested in seeing. I feel like guys my age are immature, but I fear that my parents or society in general will look down upon me if I date someone in their later 20s, because they will think there is too much of an age difference.

I am a person who really craves to have 'someone special' in my life. I feel that I have moved on enough and am ready to start another relationship, but I can't stop the feeling of hesitation and worry that my anxiety will cause yet another breakup. I know a lot of other people have talked about their disorder's strain on their partner...I guess I'm just looking for a little advice or guidance. I am in a really low place right now and need some ideas :/

[Warbirdwf]

Hi- I feel your pain. I was on a date the night before my anxiety bout started a year ago. My anxiety was terrible for serveral days after. Then the med trials started and I was constantly feeling terrible from starting a new drug or stopping one. Needless to say, I didn't date for close to a year. My anxiety is much better now but I still have days with neck/shoulder muscle tension and anxiety. I told myself that I'm not going to let anxiety continue to disrupt my life. I've been dating again for close to a month. The first few dates we a bit rough and the anticipatory anxiety got pretty high. Once I was with them, I felt much better.

My opinion is to re-enter the dating arena. I'm doing it caustiously but I'm realizing my anxiety is with me whether I'm alone or dating someone. Don't worry about anxiety possibly causing you relationship issues. Cross that road when/if it comes. Who knows, if you meet a person you really like, it will take your mind off your anxiety!

[shygirl26]

Thanks for the reply  I'm going to try to get back into dating and see how things go. I'm only 20 and I hope it's not gonna be hard to get back into the swing of things. I just want to find someone nice who can accept me for who I am, anxiety and all!

[FloraDoraDolly]

I dropped out of the dating scene for many years, partly because of my anxiety problems and partly because of other issues. I regret this now, because by the time I was ready to get back in the game I was totally clueless. Everyone else was having serious relationships, getting married, having kids, etc. while I was basically still a clueless teenager. I wouldn't want that to happen to you, Shygirl. My advice is, if you can handle any kind of dating/relationship at all, go for it. Maybe you can start out with something casual. Or if you feel more comfortable with someone a little older, then don't worry about what other people think-- follow your own heart. But whatever you do, don't drop out of the dating game entirely. You're still young and there's a large pool of single people your age (and a little older) who are out there looking for that special someone.

Good luck!

[charlie1]

I agree with floradoradolly and everyone is generally better off in some sort of relationship, because they continue to learn about compromise, tolerance, forgiveness, flexibility, compassion, supportiveness, trust, intimacy, openess and other feelings that diminish when on your own for too long IMO. If too much time goes past, I reckon people get stuck and become more defensive and untrusting, leading to less likelihood of ever being in a relationship. I've been on my own for years and can't imagine ever being with anyone again, due to past hurts and anxiety nonsense.