Sex cumpulsions

[AzureBlu]

I have been struggling with a kind of addiction to sex. It has already damaged two of my relationships (one with a man i love dearly) and I am struggling to find ways i can begin to face this problem. Are there things i can do right now to help me get on the right track? I am scared.

[anxious song_m]

i am currently suffering from sexual addiction.  I have been obcessed with porn and amassed a large quantity of it.  I have been collecting it and I don't even know why.  It's just a compulsion now.  I HATE the way I am seeing women now, as sex objects.  I don't know if I can give advice...but I hate the way I am and I am going to change.  Sex addiction will drain the life right out of you, but i fully believe that you can get through it.

[Gobius]

I have teetered on the edge of what I could call "sex addiction" as well as porn. What really made me change my focus was really a focus on separating real from fantasy. I had to look back and realize that I was just playing with myself while others had the real fun. I then focussed all that energy on the one I was with and talked to her openly about my kinks. This opened up a lot of better things.

I also was with a girl whom I thought was too obbsessed with sex, as I believe OP is referring to. My gal was super aggressive and wanted it all the time. This is not a bad thing but I told her that that was fun for a while but I get worn out and I want some breaks. I think a couple (2-3 ) a week would be perfect. I told her, imagine how much better that would be, having to hold back and when it does happen (in this case 1 day later) it would be twice as good.

However, you are speaking in first person and you can hear what I had said to her. However, for your own mind I think you should just figure out if it is just hormones or something a little deeper, an underlying insecurity. Either way is fine, but knowing what it is can help you know why you think you have an addiction and how to fix it.

I don't know if any of this helps, but this is just input from someone that had to deal with strong urges dealing with sex and porn.

[Lanie]

Although I don't have a sex addiction, I do have some sexual dysfunction issues stemming from my childhood that I have been trying to work on lately. I do watch porn from time to time but I have been trying to quit all together as I feel it doesn't make me happy and it doesn't fix the issues I have deep inside of me. I also believe most porn degrades women and helps to fuel violence againt women, doing more harm than good by promoting the idea that women are submissive sex objects...I hope that doesn't sound too preachy It's just for me, porn (after watching it) makes me feel helpless, ashamed, guilty, and that I am becoming like what happened to me as a child. This makes me feel sick and unhappy on the inside. I want to have a relatively normal view on sex, and I know porn doesn't fit into that equation.

Azure: I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My best advice would to see a therapist who specializes in sex addiction. This sounds like something that may require professional help and therapy. I think it would do you a lot of good, both personally and for your relationships.

Anxious: I would suggest the same advice to you. It's never too late to work on your addiction and you can beat it. The first step is admitting you have a problem and the second step is wanting to get help. I think it's important when you said "I am seeing women now as sex objects" in that you know that you need help (and that you know this sort of thinking is wrong). Sex addiction will only keep you having real, wonderful, and healthy relationships with women and having a fulfilling life overall.

Gobius: I'm glad you were able to overcome your problem and embrace its alternative and solution. I'm also glad you were able to build a stronger and healthier relationship with your partner.

Good luck everyone 

[AzureBlu]

I seem to have gotten a better hold of things. I have been seeking sex less and less and the sex i do have tends to be more meaningful. I have been seeing a boy and more times that not no sex occurs and i am just happy to be with him and wake up to see him first thing. Recently we are fighting (another post) but I am glad i am not as driven for sex. I am not going to lie there are moments i don't care who I 0100 but I am working hard to deal with them and have only acted on those feels twice. My boy is SO important to me I hope it works out.

[mrindyguy05]

I actually just posted a thread on this a few minutes ago and was pleased to see that there was some discussion going on about this topic. I like to think of myself as a good person, but the one thing I do really hate about myself is my addiction to sex. See, I guess I kinda found fun in the thrill of the chase for the longest time, and situations more than I did the actual act itself. The problem was, once I would get into a relationship it was like the thrill was gone because I got what I wanted, and while I would start developing real feelings for a person, I would still have that urge to want to chase for a thrill. I am with somebody now who I deeply care about and really want to get a handle on my problem so that I can have a real future with her. I seem to have a fascination with massage parlors for whatever reason, and they are quite accessible around here so that doesn't really help my problem. I can be out driving and pass a nearby parlor and the urge just takes over and it's like I have to stop in. I guess I would just like to hear if anyone else is dealing with some of these issues, how they are coping with them and tips for trying to abstain from this type of behavior. Thanks!

[HealingJourney]

i am currently suffering from sexual addiction.  I have been obcessed with porn and amassed a large quantity of it.  I have been collecting it and I don't even know why.  It's just a compulsion now.  I HATE the way I am seeing women now, as sex objects.  I don't know if I can give advice...but I hate the way I am and I am going to change.  Sex addiction will drain the life right out of you, but i fully believe that you can get through it.

Please see my post above on this.

Sex addiction like all addictions are an attempt to fill a hole in our souls and psyches. Sex for most men and some testosterone women is mainline dopamine - the chemical that drives addictions.

You need to stop the behavior and get in touch with the painful feelings it is covering up. This is also how we recover from early trauma that causes anxiety. When we engage an addiction to cover primary anxiety we then have secondary problems like guilt and low self esteem that are rocket fuel for anxiety and depression.

Read through this book and see if anything fits: http://members.wizzards.net/~mlworden/turb/contents.htm

You are not a bad person for having a 'Nasty' sex addiction. You just discovered the best way for you to boost dopamine to cover you pain