The only direction we flow is down...

[Langel75]

Well, I see that noone has posted in this for quite a while so I may be typing in vain but I'm really hoping someone understands....
I have always used drugs to cope with anxiety and depression and while it started out smokin pot all the time it eventually transformed to this and that. The end product being I will pretty much take any pill put in front of me in hopes that it will numb at least some of the pain and thoughts. I'm addicted to oxycontin and methadone. I snort oxy's daily and if I dont have them not only am I in a crappy place because I can no longer avoid thinking about reality but as the kicker I have horrible withdrawls leading to many more panic attacks and more severety in the depression that is already life threatening. I am getting more and more sick from taking them all the time, it's more and more visable to people with my skin losing color, circles around my eyes, and I've lost enough wieght that I'm bony and frail. I've lost controll of my life and I don't know what to do. any one relate???

[MrBBB]

I was a somewhat of a pro at self medicating, with a 20 year drinking career behind me. I finally stopped after realizing that this was only greatly adding to my anxiety. Even though I was able to drown out the pain temporarily, the anxiety and pain was always there again once I sobered up. With all the shame and guilt that comes with this behavior it made my anxiety almost unbearable at times. Like you, I was experiencing many panic attacks and was most likely experiencing some form of depression. I also became very thin and frail looking, so much so that my wife and friends seemed almost afraid of me. Being clean is really the only way to effectively cope with lifes problems, I found out the hard way that drowning them out does not make them go away, just puts them on hold temporarily.

Have you thought about attending some kind of support group such as NA?

[coreyt]

Hey man, thats just about how my life is going/went.  I used to do the same 0103 as you are, its a terrible downward spiral and cycle.  When I stopped doing all the drugs my depression was terrible and it still is.  Ive been on tons of different anti-depressants and it just seems like nothing works.  I would really suggest either trying to go to dextox or like a psych doctor.  They can give you suboxone or subutex so you don't withdrawl and it keeps you from getting high.  I know exactly what its like, opiates are crazy.  I hope you get through this.

[Langel75]

Thank you for your responses, it's been a while since I got on here cuz I had little faith that anyone would. I no more than 2 days after posting that decided it's enough and here we go. I had a good week of detoxing (I took suboxin the first 3 days in small amounts so I could still function to take care of the kids, thank god cuz I dunno I would have made it without them) I am now a little over three weeks sober.... I know this should be a big huray and I try and put it out there like that more often than not to try and convince myself I am happy with it, I know it can't continue forever but s***! I am soooooo much worse now than before other than I dont have the physical withdrawl from day to day, my anxiety has worsened and depression has worsened ten fold! Every one I have talked to said it's a couple weeks before you stop fiending and being oober down and I am probably being impatient here but it seems like there is no end in sight! Esspecially when the boyfriend is doing the same thing only not struggling, we we both using the same yet my withdrawls were soooo much worse than his, he was layed out for about 2 days, I had the week, and it just doesnt seem to bother him, he has our old connections hittin him up all the time to see if he wants to just have some not even pay for it and he says no and goes about his day... A: if any of them ever offered me free drugs no way would i say no and B: just the mention of the possibility will have me fiending for days.... why is it so different. I just don't understand, and I dont understand how feeling this way all the time is better than being on drugs and being happy at least sometimes......

[coreyt]

Hey Langel, how are you doing?  I hope you are trying to stay sober, I had the same problems especially with depression and anxiety.  It got so bad I had to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts and delusions.  I feel like the depression will never go away.  Keep staying away from your connections and be strong, it can only get better.  I hope to hear from you soon to know how things are going.

[Selah]

Maybe this post should be titles when your at the bottom there is only one way out UP!!! I know how you feel. I have abused drugs in my past and it was hell. Then I got sober and it was hell because I got anxiety and depression bad. I then went to support groups found counsoling to be very benificial. I was clean and doing great for over 10 years. THEN I perscription drugs found me I was given them for issues I really had. I did need them. I used them just like I was suppose to and it helped. Then somewhere along the line the depression got bad and I found out that a little more of this and that would numb me out. So I abused perscription drugs. Anxiety meds and pain meds. I would stop using for weeks at a time. Never really had a any tough withdrawls just more depression. I was a binge user. However I would bringe on so many I could of killed myself. Actually i should of died. I am now trying as hard as I can to do life with out controlled substances. If only I could of use them correctly. Sometimes I really need them an Now I can't take anything and seems like there is really nothing out there for people like me. I feel no help no hope. I am trying though...... I just hope I figure it out before I am to old....... Life isn't perfect but does everyday have to be some kind of battle?

[coreyt]

Selah, that sounds almost exactly what im going through.  I just relapsed recently because of depression and anxiety being so bad.  When i don't do any drugs I feel 10x more depressed and anxious than when im on them but they arent good for me so I'm trying soo hard to not use and Ive just been in a such a terrible place. I have to force myself just to get out of bed and I've been crying all the time and I just feel really empty inside, like a dark hole I can't escape.  I dunno what I'm gonna do.

[Selah]

Hang in there!!!! I went to my dr yesterday and was given some propranolol its actually blood pressure medication. But they use it for people who have stage fright. I take 20 mgs as needed. I have only taken 3 pills since I got it yesterday and so far so good. I mean its not a cure but it helps me to think better so I can talk myself down. Its takes some of edge off. Its not addicting. Funny thing is I normally do not have high blood pressure but yesterday my anxiety was kinda out there and I was 153/98 Um on the high side. So that will help that too. High blood pressure makes you feel just like anxiety too. Or at least I think its like it. You just feel funny in your chest like the fearful thing. I noticed it before. I do take welburtrin for my depression and so far its the only thing that helps. They use that allot for anyone who has had any type of addicted behaviors. People with addictive tendencys deplete their dopimine levels the happy chemical the body makes naturally. But when we are acting like addicts and using the dopimine is exalted and that is why we keep using cause it feels so good. But in all actually we wear it out. So welburtin and others like that is suppose to help. Now like prozac and lexapro and others they raise the seritonin levels. If any this makes sense. Please forgive spelling. Are you on any meds at all? Also therapy and with trying to learn to think differently is helpful. I over analyize an worry about things that may never happen. I always think the worst first. Learning to think differantly is a on going thing but if I really work at it, it proble helps the most, that and trying to learn to love myself just the way I am . NOT SO EASY..... LOL PM me anytime. looks like we are both in newbie land here. LOL

[crazygirl1]

I hope she's doing better by now.
I have to say-maybe some type of rehab would help. First things first-you have kids to take care of? Imagine their fear/insecurity when you're using-they know the difference. You also need to stay away from ANYone who uses if you want to kick this. Put your kids 1st, the rest will follow:) Hope alls well/better ((hugs))