Eating Disorder

[Noahs Mom]

So.....  I've been doing good with dealing with the root of my anxiety.  I've come to the point where I'm in the middle of unraveling everything and slowly getting to a place of normalcy. 

And now I have to deal with a big dark secret that I've held oh so tightly for a long time.  I have an eating disorder.  I've only very recently said that outloud to myself, much less anyone else. 
I've decided to get treatment for it.  I've looked into several treatment centers, and narrowed it down to 2.  It's all coming down to what my insurance will cover at this point.  I'm nervous about it... I haven't told my husband yet.  I feel like he's going to think that I'm just stupid and he's going to get mad because this will require time off work and I won't receive pay for 3 weeks.  (after that, my short term disability benefits kick in at 80% of my normal pay)

I have a feeling that this is going to be a "make it or break it" moment for my already fragile marriage.  I think I let him contribute to my eating disorder... I think our relationship is part of the problem that has been making things worse.  Don't get me wrong -- he's an AMAZING man and I love him dearly, we've just been through so much in such a short amount of time and he's still learning how to deal with things... I'm not bashing him or blaming him.  It's the way I react, not him.

Wish me luck as I work up the courage to tell him... and pray he is understanding.

This is just one more thing I need to work through with my Anxiety.... This, too, shall pass, right?  So scared to actually get treated for it...  Anyone else gone through and overcome an eating disorder?

[Kallie]

I am glad you decided to get help.

Three years ago I lost my best friend because she was anorexic. The tole her lifestyle and not eating took on her heart, eventually took her life. She was only 25 and died of a heart attack because of this.

For years her family had been in disbelief that it was happening, and her friends only knew how to do so much. She was a nurse as well, and knew the danger she was putting herself in. Oddly enough, in highschool, at age 16, we lost another girl to the same reason, she knew the consequences.

Being scared is normal, especially for something like this. You have already admitted it to yourself, which means you are ready for help. I told this same story to a friend with a cousin who was anorexic, and it was what pushed her to realize she needed help.

There are people in your life who love you and need you. Right now you need yourself, and need to fix you, so that those people can have you back. Your husband married you, he will at some point understand, he loves you.

[Conspiracy Bird]

It's a great that you've decided to get help. Eating disorders are terrible, and admiting to yourself that you have one is the first step to recovery. Good luck!

[Noahs Mom]

Thank you guys for your encouraging words...  I did tell my husband, and he was ... shockingly supportive.  He doesn't know how to help, and I wouldn't expect him to since I really don't know how to help myself.  Unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover Eating Disorders (yet) so I've started the process of educating them until they get sick of hearing from me so they'll cover treatment )  Basically, i have to prove why it is a medical diagnosis and not purely one of behavioral health.

I haven't really told anyone else, and don't think that the people in my "off line life" really need to know at this point.  I feel like this is my fight and my chance to fight for myself.  And win. I think God gives us certain challenges to strengthen us, and if He didn't love me so much, He wouldn't care to strengthen me as much as he has the last 4 years.  I feel like this time I can actually beat this and get on a road to recovery...

[Kallie]

I am glad you told him and it went well!!

You can beat this.  You have the right attitude to help yourself. We will all be here to support you.

Is there possibly help groups that meet in your area that have drop in sessions that you could go to? Maybe being with other people suffering might help and usually these group meetings are free. You sound like you have a strong connection with God as well, maybe there are some church groups that could help you get the resources you need.

Good luck, you can win this!

[Noahs Mom]

There are several daily online meetings, but I live in an area where eating disorders just aren't talked about.  Especially mine.  There is one group that meets once a month that might be helpful, but other than that, it's hard to even find a dietician or therapist that will work with an eating disorder.  But, the power to change is with in myself and my faith... I suppose it's just gonna have to take determination and strength... kinda like getting through anxiety. 

[surfmonkey]

Well hello friend :) eating disorder hmm? Boy that's a toughy! Been there what kind if its not to out of place to ask? I'm really sorry there is so much trouble for getting you what you need. Being scared doesn't help either I'm sure. My eating disorder was one of "edons" meaning it was an eating disorder not really specified in exact. I carried it for years. I won't go into detail here but I want you to know that you can do this! The area you live in shouldn't make you less apt to treatment. If they don't belong behind the door you close and lock at night then they shouldn't matter in this case. It was hard to defeat but I asked myself "who I am trying to please? Myself?" Is hurting yourself pleasing you? Do not give up this fight! I can say I proudly eat what I want when I want! Its hard some days but most days I choose to accept that I'm beautiful. Your weight will shed when your soul passes on boobear! Don't let it control you! Its not even a being! If you wanna message me I'd be glad to compare notes :)