how do I know if it's GAD or a phobia, or just excessive worrying?

[sc293]

Hello all.   I just found this forum tonight while searching the internet about excessive worrying.  I've read through a lot of the posts and am trying to figure out if I have GAD or maybe just a phobia about my loved ones dying.  (I checked out the phobias forum too).

Anyways, I'm 39 and have been a worrier for as long as I can remember.  My Mom died when I was 10, but I can remember worrying about things before then.  After she died (complications from an kidney disease) I spent my teenage years convinced my Dad was in a car accident and/or dead if he was a few minutes late for anything   I still worry about him now, but I'm 1000 miles away so the distance helps with that.

I've been together with my fiancee for 12 years and we have a very close relationship.  We hang out with other people sometimes, but spend most of our time together (and enjoy being together - not all couples enjoy spending a lot of time together but we do  ).  Anyways he has to travel sometimes for business and whenever he goes anywhere I'm scared to death that he won't make it back alive.  I don't have too much anxiety about other things, only about him getting hurt or dying.  He's much more logical and calm about things so as long as we're together I'm okay.  But when he's on a trip - I tend to panic.  He's flying to Mexico tonight and I've been worried about it since I found out he was going a week ago.  I couldn't sleep last  night, I'm shaking as I type this and he hasn't even gotten on his 4 hour flight to Mexico.  (It's been delayed 2.5 hours so he and one of his co-workers are getting in around midnight now.)  I know logically that flying in safe, but I'll be spending the whole 4 hours on one of those flight tracking websites monitoring the progress of his flight.  Then when he does land, I'll be worried about the drive to the hotel in the dark, in  a foreign country, when they're late, tired, etc....

I've gotten more spiritual as I've gotten older (to try and make sense of things), and I even talked to a lady who volunteers at the airport chapel.  She confessed that she doesn't like to fly either and is a worrier herself.   After that I decided to start searching the internet again.  Anyways, thanks for listening/reading this, and does anyone have any thoughts/ideas/suggestions about this?

thanks,
C

[ladyK]

Hi sc293

I'm a little older than you, 47 yrs,  but I worry sometimes myself about my husband.  I'm happy to meet another couple who get along very well...there's nothing I like better than to spend my time with my hubby.  It would be nice to be filthy rich then we'd spend all of our time together.  Like you, being with him helps me alot too.  I worry that he'll get killed a car accident all the time.  He works for himself and drives around the city all day long.  We haven't spent much time apart in the last 7 years which I like.
I worry about my health too.  Heart attacks, strokes and cancer are top of the list.  I don't always obsess but it's there in the back of my mind.

I think I worry about this so much because I'm finally very happy in my life, this is a second marriage for me and I reconnected with my first love, and I'm scared that I'm going to lose it all.  Either I lose him and miss him forever...god just thinking about that makes me tear up!...and if I die I'll miss being with him and my kids and granddaughter.

I've only just recently come to learn that I may have GAD and depression but I'm pretty mild so no panic attacks.  I think I have a handle on it sometimes but other days are tougher.

Hope this helps even to know you're not alone.

Take Care, ladyK

[sc293]

Hi ladyK, thanks for replying.  It's nice to know that I'm not alone.   I know what exactly what you mean about wanting to be rich so that we don't have to work, and we can spend all of our time together.   Other than business trips, we've spent almost all of the last 12 years together.  When J is out of town for even one night I worry about him, plus I miss him so much which adds to the worry.  I've gotten a little better with him driving around town  (I have to confess that I'm always checking out online traffic reports on the internet.  As long as I know that there haven't been any accidents anywhere, then I don't worry about him.)

Now that you mention it, I always have worried a little about my health.   When I first get a headache I have to re-assure myslef that it's probably not a tumor.  I had some panic attacks a couple of years ago, but I assumed that it was related to stopping birth control pills.  There have been some times when I've felt on the verge of a panic attack, but I've managed to avoid them for the most part recently.

How do you handle all this?  Is there anything that you do that makes things better, or do you just try to ride it out?

thanks,
SC

[ladyK]

hi back:

Well I do try not to dwell, that makes things way harder.  I've talked to friends until I think they don't want to talk to me anymore lol.  Finding my way here has really helped.  It gives you a place to talk it out and reassure yourself or have another reassure you.  Health anxiety can be a hard thing...I say I don't suffer from it but I think about my health so not sure about that. I have always been a pretty rational person but even that fails once in a while and you give in, but mostly I just try to stay busy.  I really don't want my hubby to worry about me.  I don't have severe anxiety buts it there and it's been there for many years.

I go to the chat room often, it helps relieve some tension.  We don't always discuss our problems but tell jokes, talk about aspects of our lives, purge the evil bits if we can...it's helped me alot.

Hope to see you there! ladyK