Is anyone willing to shar their experience with me?

[andy]

My namie is Andrea and I am almost 20. I have suffered from anxiety since I was about 14 or 15. I currently have it under control and feel comfortable talking about it, so I chose anxiety as a topic for a paper I am writing for school. I decided it would be good for me to learn more about the disorder and about other people that have experienced it. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their experience with anxiety and the effects it has had on their lives and families etc. It would be anonymous and a great help. Thank you all so  much!!

[apple]

I have suffered off and on with my anxiety since I was about 15, I am now 31. My family on both my Mom and Bio father's sides have struggled with different levels of anxiety.  On my bio father's side many have dealt with anxiety with alcohol.  A couple of them even committed 0119.  On my Mom's side, most have dealt with it alone and in denial.  One great Aunt was put in a mental institute and given shock treatments.  Another Aunt couldn't bare it and took her out and brought her to her doctor to find out she had a chemical imbalance and treated her properly, unfortunately the effects of the shock treatments left her with serious problems they couldn't help.

I believe  anxiety is caused by 3 different things. 
1.  Another health issue where anxiety is one of the symptoms.
2.  A chemical imbalance in the brain.
3.  Growing up with a family where anxiety is not dealt with, and the behavior is learned   and practiced while growing up.

I suffer from the 2nd and 3rd.  I grew up with a manic Mother who could not control her anxiety and a Sister with ADHD and anxiety.  If I look back my problems started when I hit puberty.  Getting help for this is difficult because this has not been accepted as a true medical condition in the past, and people do not talk about it out of fear. (Fear of losing the children they have, people do say" Just pick yourself up and go"  "Get a Grip" etc...)


Where medications are concerned, there is no way for any doctor to perscribe you the right medication for you, you have to try many different kinds and doses to find what is right for you.  Unfortunately  this also means waiting up to a month for the medication to reach its full level potential and suffering many different side effects, some that are unbearable, and some that may cause further scattering of your chemicals, leaving you gripping more troubles than you started with.

That happened to me recently...My psychiatrist gave me one medication that gave me constipation so bad it caused other health issues, then I was put on another kind in the same category and it wrecked me.  I was relaxed for sure, so much that my legs shook just trying to stand up, I was unable to keep myself awake for longer than 4 hours at a time. When I went off this drug, I the got feelings of unrealistic rage and depression so severe I wanted my family to not have to deal with me.  My family doctor then put me on another drug in the same category (because it did help the anxiety, it was the side effects that were out of control) he also put me on an anti-psychotic To deal with the depression and rage.  He said the changes to my medication screwed up my chemicals worse and this would help bring them back together quicker. He understood I have 2 children at home to take care of, and this month I have not been able to take care of them on my own.

I was medication free for 1 year then I decided to quit smoking!!! Look where that got me?! and I'm smoking again anyways.  was the 6 months nicotine free worth it?  Definitely not!!

I am on the road to recovery again!! I have been seeing a behavior therapist for 3 months now and I am doing well, I no longer stress over the little things. (will I dent the truck, how the dishwasher is loaded, do I have everything I need for the trip to the city, is everybody watching me and what do they think of me)

I do want to add that medications may work for you very well until a hormonal change happens, such as having a baby, or a hysterectomy.  Bingo...I have had 2 children and a hysterectomy.  What has worked for me in the past no longer works now.

In the medications and therapy section of this forum you can find my medication chart that puts some medications that work on different parts of the brain into groups.  This can be very helpful in finding a medication that is right for you.  If something works but the side effects are unbearable, you can choose a medication in the same category.  If a medication does not work at all, you can choose something in a different category.  The doctors do not tell you what part of the brain the medication is working on that he/she is perscribing you.

As far as my family goes, for many years they did not understand my condition and at times made it worse with their actions towards me and my "EXCUSE" for my problems. Now they have accepted it. 

My husband and my children deal with a lot with me.  I am brutally honest about my "fight" with anxiety.  They do not have to wonder what they did wrong because I tell them when it is me that didn't react properly.  They deal with my sleeping issues and other side effects because we discuss everything to the kids before I try a new drug.  They are 10 and 5 years old, and they understand more about mommy's condition than most people ever will.

My fear is that I will have to watch my girls hit puberty and then suffer with anxiety as well.  I pray they don't.  I pray I will have the answers for them if they do.

If there is anything in particular you wish to ask please do.  If people could understand a true anxiety disorder it may very well help one sufferer.

[andy]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It was interesting to me because it all hits so close to home. Its good to hear stories from other people. Thanks again!