PTSD - I think I have it

[ladyK]

I think I have PTSD and depression.  I don't think any of this would have come to light for me if I hadn't developed a sensation of a lump in my throat.  I say sensation because 3 specialist have said everything looks normal and healthy.  Even had a doc look all the way down to my stomach and took a biopsy: normal.  The lump made it's presence know last Mar 2006 and has been a 24/7 thing.  Some days not as bad as others but most of the time it feels like when you get choked up at weddings/funerals that sort of thing and at other times it hurts or seems to move from one area to another.  Sometimes I think it flutters if I breathe in through my nose.  The weirdest thing is even after being told I'm fine I still think I should go back to make sure. 

I believe I may be suffering from depression and post traumatic because of the series of negative events during my life, I'm 47 and always thought I was pretty strong but I guess I've just had enough.  I cry at the drop of a hat, which only makes me more depressed cuz then I feel bad for the friend that had to listen to me bawling about the same old crap. lol

I have had IBS for years and was just diagnosed with acid reflux, that's what the docs think is the cause of the lump sensation.  I don't know but it's truly disturbing but maybe because it's what got me here...things happen for a reason.

I have a great marriage but his ex caused many years of grief for us: in and out of court as she lied, turning his 4 kids against him to get them away from me, one of their sons lived with us for over two years and through his mother intimidated me.  I finely had to tell my husband he had to go back to his mother's when I would shake and feel sick around him.  Very uncomfortable situation for the 2 plus years!

I lost a friend of 30 odd years when she denounced our friendship to live with my ex.  It felt like a death to me.  It's taken me 4 years to sort of come to grips with that. 

My childhood sucked like most kids during the 60's and 70's.  My parents divorced and my dad abandoned his 4 kids, remarried and adopted her 3 kids.  Nice guy, eh?  The divorce threw my mom into depression and left me at 12 to take care of my little bros so she could sleep all day.  I resented it then but understand much better now.  I've always thought my mother was manic-depressive.  I never thought I'd see myself like that..now not so sure.

Anyway thanks for letting me vent in the chatroom...sometimes not talking about my problems feels better...a pleasant distraction. I wish everyone an anxiety free day!

ladyK

[anxiousinfla]

I am sorry you are suffering as you are.
Try not to be so fast to diagnose yourself with PTSD...I have taken notice (my opinion), that many people are doing this and it will drive you crazy. As a diagnosed sufferer of PTSD (major traumatic episode), I can tell you that you would know if you had it as the occurrence is "abnormally and extremely traumatic.

The symptoms of depressive disorder alone can give you the symptoms you are describing. I am not minimizing your symtpms whatsoever. But they can be from depression which is just as bad as PTSD and can all be treated, in time.

I also am the eldest child of a depressive/alcoholic parent who left me to care for three siblings at the ago of 10 (yep, in the very early 70's), so I am not clueless as to where you are coming from.

If you have a therapist, please talk to them about your feelings. You have a lot of resentment and you may need to dump it (I only say that as I know those are/were my feelings). If you don't have a therapist, please look for one.

We all have stressors in our life...some of us much more than we should ever have to deal with. They say that God only gives us what we can handle, but I swear that God has a sick sense of humor and thinks I am 10 people.

Keep posting.....hang in there!!!

[ladyK]

Thanks for the reply. I guess I just want a name for the monster that's sitting on me!  I feel more depressed if I let it get to me so I try to just get by each day slowly.

The last time I was at the docs she mostly just advised me to live with it (the lump in my throat) and seem disinterested in trying to find out exactly what my problem was.  Not entirely her fault I tend to be very tight lipped at the doctors because it's hard to admit I've "lost it".

For years and years I've kept myself in check and didn't let anything get me down for too long but now it's not so easy.  I've started to feel anxious about my health although I don't have health anxiety just about the things that can happen to someone my age:  I have high B/P so stroke and heart attacks come to mind.  I'm plagued by menopause symptoms and have had chronic elbow pain for years.  All these things get me down but I'm most afraid of dying of cancer.  Especially in light of this lump in my throat even though all the tests are normal.

All is well today though...thanks for listening!

ladyK

[TooCuteRose]

hi...sry u have the lump in ur throat feeling...it's trully awful...and u feel as if noone seems to care or wants to even understand...i usually take a hot shower to get my mind off of my throat...or do other distracting things...
i would try to go see a psychologist/psychiatrist...sometimes...talking will help...
i hope this works itself out...

[cheryjeff]

I am sitting here reading your post and thinking that you are 47 and probably in perimenopause. It would explain a lot of what you are feeling. All of these things you described are not uncommon with your age. Not that you are old:-) Just at that point where these things are going to happen.
There are saliva tests that your Dr can take to see if you are actually in perimenopause.
I know when I see client and they are in mid to late 40's and they start talking about depression and anxiety I always want to rule out perimenopause before I diagnosis anything else.
Find a good endroconologist and see if this is what is going on in your life.
Good luck

[ladyK]

Well, I may be the right age for perimenopause but I had a hysterectomy almost 5 yrs ago so I am most certainly menopausal.  I take HRT for the hot flashes and mood swings, although except for the flashes I don't have any other symptoms.  My biggest problem at the moment seems to be the lump in my throat that makes me so depressed if I think about it.  I try to stay positive but sometimes I just feel sick and tired of feeling like this.  Most of the time lately I have been pretty good but there are days that I can feel the depression pulling at me.  I would feel much better if I didn't feel like something was stuck in my throat.  It scares me because I think I have throat cancer that the docs failed to diagnose.  Anyway I move along each day and hope that I feel better.  I started exercising again and that has helped alot.  I thank all of you for your replies. 

Thank you, ladyK

[itzmebob]

with mental disorders, we're prone to self diagnose.
sometimes good, sometimes worse.  We have little else to rely on.

for a number of years, I had a weird sensation along my forehead.
it seemed to come on with my anxiety.  That eventually went away.
later years I had loss of eye focus, with my anxiety. 
I think these things come and go.
not overnight, but over time.

BOB
 

[marinesniper]

yeah i get whats called brain fog from time to time i think its ptsd. i was in iraq for 11 months and it seems like every time someone says somethin about the war it turns right on like my brain does not wanna hear it