anxiety and marriage

[jewels]

Hello,

The past couple of months have been awful for me. Be it anxiety or increased anxiety from PMS. I am irritable and hard to live with.  :(I have little tolerance for most things and am very easily overwhelmed.
My husband distances himself when I am like this - and I can't say that I blame him but it also makes me feel alone and emotionally abandoned.
I tried speaking with him about my anxiety and mood swings the other day and while he is sympathetic he says its all "mental" and I should be able to stop it!
Huh? Does he think I choose to be this way!?
I tried to explain the physical symptoms etc and well basically he doesn't get it.
He even asked me the other night if our relationship was over!!! (after 18 yrs and 3 kids?!)
He said that he distances himself from me in response to MY moods. I don't think thats fair.
I HAVE told him before that we need to spend time together etc etc....and he says for me to let him know when.
I am so frustrated.
I am trying to address this mood stuff medically. I am having a physical on Monday, I went to my Dr for help with my PMS and she put me on the "PILL" (birth control) and I went off due to MY anxiety about the risk factors. I am going to ask for a referral to a psych. and perhaps re-consider anti anxiety meds...
Right now I have a pounding headache, my muscles hurt, and I am so pissy I hate myself.

How do you get your spouses to GET IT!?

Jewels

[basm101]

hi there,

You are not alone. I am not married, but live with my boyfriend. He is very patient at putting up with my anxiety, so I am lucky. But he still doesnt really understand it. It is good to post on here and use the chatroom so that you can talk to other people who understand your anxiety.

I hope that your doc's appointment works out well. Best of luck and let us know how it goes

[anxiousinfla]

I had my husband read some "easy" information on anxiety (stuff I downloaded or pamphlets from the Doctor's office). Helped tremendously. Also, suggest he go to an appointment with you, be it to the Doctor's of a therapist (preferably a therapist).
If people can't "see" that we are in pain, it's very hard for them to understand. If you were a diabetic taking insulin daily, he would "see". SO, help him and keep posting. If he never gets it, that's okay too. That's why this forum is here.

Good Luck!!!!

Kim

[bcrazy]

That's exactly what I did. I had my husband read some "easy to understand" literature about anxiety. He somewhat gets it now but when I was on Paxil and never wanted to have sex, he didn't understand it then. It definitely takes a toll on relationships..which in return makes our anxiety worse. Hang in there. Let him read some of our posts. Sometimes if they know that there are actually people out there just like you, he'll see it better. This is something you could get through so much better if you had his support! Have you tried the whole talk therapy with someone? I'd try that before going back on meds!

[theunrealme]

I dont know about you, but before I was diagnosed with GAD last March 2006, I was very independant, in control of my world and confident. In the past year my husband has seen me at, I hope, is my worst ever. He is very supportive and pays for all my psych bills without question, my acupuncture as well.........but it's hard on him. Since, now I'm extremely needy and want him around all the time. He likes it, but he had to adjust to the "new" me, since this is not what either of us signed up for initially when we got married years ago, but he keeps pulling for me every day with a positive attitude. Some days, he just doesnt and he acts like an 0104, but he's entitled to a couple of pms days too.    Here's a scenario......we're at IKEA and I'm starting to get really anxious, hr goes up a little bit and I'm starting to feel that foggy feeling and the "get me out of here right now" mode, I just deep breath, my husband looks at me and says, "are u ok, do you need some air, do y ou want to leave?,".............We had to work to get to that point, for in the beginning of all of my stuff, he was like, "cowboy up, your fine" and I wasnt fine at all.
It sounds like your husband might be in a little denial. Just give him time. Try reading more on this website, you'll get some answers and suggestions. MOst importantly, please be kind to yourself, dont hate yourself and dont even say it to yourself since you'll start believing it. Give yourself some time each day and do something loving for yourself. More positive stuff going in and get rid of any negative self talk.................Your not alone:)     dianna

[NightOwl]

I had my husband read some "easy" information on anxiety (stuff I downloaded or pamphlets from the Doctor's office). Helped tremendously. Also, suggest he go to an appointment with you, be it to the Doctor's of a therapist (preferably a therapist).
If people can't "see" that we are in pain, it's very hard for them to understand. If you were a diabetic taking insulin daily, he would "see". SO, help him and keep posting. If he never gets it, that's okay too. That's why this forum is here.

Good Luck!!!!

Kim

And then some people (like my parents) still would never consider it as big of a deal as something else either.  It's like so many people say to just "get over it".  Even other anxiety sufferers on one site basically are rude to the others and tlel them they don't feel sorry for people who "aren't trying".