Anxiety about growing old

[cheweychips]

Okay, first, I thought this was Pure-O OCD but I think it's more of a Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  Anyway, they overlap so I'm going to post it here.

Lately, I've been having intrusive thoughts about growing old and dying. What makes this anxiety hard to get over with is the fact that they will happen eventually. I've had obsessions regarding irrational things before like touching something in a certain way to get rid of the thought (OCD). It's easy to get it off my mind because my brain could easily dismiss them as irrational/something that will not happen.

So how do you get rid of obsessing about something that will eventually happen? I'm still young. I'm just 23. What makes me more anxious is the fact that I am young and I'm already having these thoughts. What more if I get to my 60s?

When I didn't have my bout of anxiety, I've had thoughts about it but I could easily brush it off. But now I'm having a hard time. It's actually just at the back of my mind. I can do stuff. I'm not depressed. But it's there, like hanging and if I ruminate about it, I may have a panic attack. But I'm glad I am able to stop ruminating about it. Or maybe I'm ruminating but not too much. My problem is that it's not completely gone. This is not yet my 'normal' self so to speak.

Another thing to note is that every time I would feel 'normal', the anxiety gets triggered again. It's like an if-then program. IF you're happy or having happy thoughts THEN trigger unwanted thought. Which of course makes me anxious about being happy, which makes me anxious all the more. If you know what I mean. Also, every time I relinquish happy moments, all the more I get anxious because I can't seem to go back to that state.

When I look at most old people, they seem to be okay. I've seen middle-aged people, and they're okay. I've seen old intelligent people and they're ok (scientists/philosophers) and are not debilitated by excessive worrying about their age. Even Einstein was working on his desk when he passed away. I'm saying this because how come these people who are far intelligent than I am, who thinks through things more than I do, are not eaten up by worry? There must be something amiss.

And now when I think about it I am actually anxious about being anxious. My anxiety is triggered by my anxiety. It's circular reasoning but I can't get out of it. I'm anxious that if I reach old age, I might remember being anxious and then lose it. This thought then triggers my anxiety now, which, in turn, might trigger my future anxiety. It's a self-fulfilling, circular anxiety.

Has anybody experienced this? What did you do? What should I do?

[Rixx]

Free floating anxiety seeks a place to attach to - yours decided on age phobias. It always morphs and will change - I call it the fear of the day/year

[wilksdaman]

Like you said, its because it is something we have no control over. We will all eventually grow old and die. It just has to be accepted.
I'm freaking out about things I have no control over at the moment, seconds ticking by, the fact my heart beats all the time, feeling trapped in my mind. If i think about it too much, I can feel overwhelming panic coming. If I can just get my head around the fact that NOTHING will come of this irrational thinking, no matter how much panic I feel, I could be rid of this. Buts it damn hard! 

[Bama21]

I've experienced every single sensation of anxiety in your post, chewychips.  All of it.

I have also had the anxiety about growing old.  It's the concept of the inevitable.  The fact that it's completely out of our control.  That seems to be a common anxiety point:  Things that are out of our control.  That makes sense because when our anxiety levels are raised, something being totally out of our hands is the most threatening.  Things like that are easy for an anxious mind to lock onto.  When you weren't in an anxious state, you didn't care about things like that.  I certainly never got anxious about that stuff before I developed anxiety disorder.

I am currently in a good recovery period right now.  My biggest issue?  The fear of the setback.  If something triggers some anxiety (like you, my mind is always looking for something that will make me anxious), I automatically think "here we go".  I can relate to your idea of "getting anxious about being happy" because, when I am feeling normal, in the back of my mind I'm wondering when it's going to come crashing down.  The biggest driving force behind this for me is the fear that, if I do have a major setback, I won't be able to recover like I did the first time. 

Your last point is the driving force behind everything.  It always has been for me.  My one and only problem, really, is that I am afraid of the anxiety.  I have a FEAR of the fear.  I am constantly aware that I have a "problem" with anxiety.  As long as I have anxiety about the anxiety, the things in the first few paragraphs will always be on my mind.  Understanding anxiety has been a big help in eliminating the fear of anxiety, but it's still there.  Hopefully, one day, we will get to the point where anxiety is no longer something that we fear enough to think about it all the time. 

[Bama21]

Like you said, its because it is something we have no control over. We will all eventually grow old and die. It just has to be accepted.
I'm freaking out about things I have no control over at the moment, seconds ticking by, the fact my heart beats all the time, feeling trapped in my mind. If i think about it too much, I can feel overwhelming panic coming. If I can just get my head around the fact that NOTHING will come of this irrational thinking, no matter how much panic I feel, I could be rid of this. Buts it damn hard!

I've had all of those thoughts.  All of them.  Include the idea of having to constantly breathe!

[pipsquack]

Oh goodness same here! It just feels like you're life is too short. Those what-if's crawl into your head and you can't get them out.

I've just mentally started telling myself no. Like, I realize that I'm having an irrational thought and then I try my hardest to calm myself down.

[cheweychips]

I've experienced every single sensation of anxiety in your post, chewychips.  All of it.

I have also had the anxiety about growing old.  It's the concept of the inevitable.  The fact that it's completely out of our control.  That seems to be a common anxiety point:  Things that are out of our control.  That makes sense because when our anxiety levels are raised, something being totally out of our hands is the most threatening.  Things like that are easy for an anxious mind to lock onto.  When you weren't in an anxious state, you didn't care about things like that.  I certainly never got anxious about that stuff before I developed anxiety disorder.

I am currently in a good recovery period right now.  My biggest issue?  The fear of the setback.  If something triggers some anxiety (like you, my mind is always looking for something that will make me anxious), I automatically think "here we go".  I can relate to your idea of "getting anxious about being happy" because, when I am feeling normal, in the back of my mind I'm wondering when it's going to come crashing down.  The biggest driving force behind this for me is the fear that, if I do have a major setback, I won't be able to recover like I did the first time. 

Your last point is the driving force behind everything.  It always has been for me.  My one and only problem, really, is that I am afraid of the anxiety.  I have a FEAR of the fear.  I am constantly aware that I have a "problem" with anxiety.  As long as I have anxiety about the anxiety, the things in the first few paragraphs will always be on my mind.  Understanding anxiety has been a big help in eliminating the fear of anxiety, but it's still there.  Hopefully, one day, we will get to the point where anxiety is no longer something that we fear enough to think about it all the time.

Exactly. I don't have other anxiety now other than imagining myself old and having panic attacks. Like you, before I've had the anxiety, or before I "fed" it or gave into it, I could easily brush it off so easily. It would pop into my head and I could easily refocus and think of other things and go back to enjoying the moment and even enjoying what the future holds.

But now, since I gave into it, it sort of took control. Every time I am relieved, my mind would always pull me back into being anxious. Before, I could just 'stop' on the happy/positive thought and forget about it. Now my brain always 'stops' at the negative thought and forget the happy thought. It sort of like tells me that "I have to revert to thinking about this" constantly. I want my brain's default state to revert to 'normal'/happy automatically.

Also, another thing that makes it hard to leave the anxious thought is that to my brain, the fear is quite rational. Unlike say, the fear of harmless spiders or the number 13 (or something). But it's also quite irrational because my brain is always in a fast-forward mode (whereas it shouldn't be) and like I said, old people seem to be okay and most are living normal lives (gardening, exercising, etc.)

Like I said, my anxiety actually stems more from thinking that I might not be able to go back to my normal state again, which makes me more anxious. If I could only stop thinking that such is the case.

Could you tell me what methods are helping you? What can I tell myself to put a stop to it? Can you recommend any online consultations or something?

[Bama21]

I've experienced every single sensation of anxiety in your post, chewychips.  All of it.

I have also had the anxiety about growing old.  It's the concept of the inevitable.  The fact that it's completely out of our control.  That seems to be a common anxiety point:  Things that are out of our control.  That makes sense because when our anxiety levels are raised, something being totally out of our hands is the most threatening.  Things like that are easy for an anxious mind to lock onto.  When you weren't in an anxious state, you didn't care about things like that.  I certainly never got anxious about that stuff before I developed anxiety disorder.

I am currently in a good recovery period right now.  My biggest issue?  The fear of the setback.  If something triggers some anxiety (like you, my mind is always looking for something that will make me anxious), I automatically think "here we go".  I can relate to your idea of "getting anxious about being happy" because, when I am feeling normal, in the back of my mind I'm wondering when it's going to come crashing down.  The biggest driving force behind this for me is the fear that, if I do have a major setback, I won't be able to recover like I did the first time. 

Your last point is the driving force behind everything.  It always has been for me.  My one and only problem, really, is that I am afraid of the anxiety.  I have a FEAR of the fear.  I am constantly aware that I have a "problem" with anxiety.  As long as I have anxiety about the anxiety, the things in the first few paragraphs will always be on my mind.  Understanding anxiety has been a big help in eliminating the fear of anxiety, but it's still there.  Hopefully, one day, we will get to the point where anxiety is no longer something that we fear enough to think about it all the time.

Exactly. I don't have other anxiety now other than imagining myself old and having panic attacks. Like you, before I've had the anxiety, or before I "fed" it or gave into it, I could easily brush it off so easily. It would pop into my head and I could easily refocus and think of other things and go back to enjoying the moment and even enjoying what the future holds.

But now, since I gave into it, it sort of took control. Every time I am relieved, my mind would always pull me back into being anxious. Before, I could just 'stop' on the happy/positive thought and forget about it. Now my brain always 'stops' at the negative thought and forget the happy thought. It sort of like tells me that "I have to revert to thinking about this" constantly. I want my brain's default state to revert to 'normal'/happy automatically.

Also, another thing that makes it hard to leave the anxious thought is that to my brain, the fear is quite rational. Unlike say, the fear of harmless spiders or the number 13 (or something). But it's also quite irrational because my brain is always in a fast-forward mode (whereas it shouldn't be) and like I said, old people seem to be okay and most are living normal lives (gardening, exercising, etc.)

Like I said, my anxiety actually stems more from thinking that I might not be able to go back to my normal state again, which makes me more anxious. If I could only stop thinking that such is the case.

Could you tell me what methods are helping you? What can I tell myself to put a stop to it? Can you recommend any online consultations or something?

Good question.  Like I said, these are my current issues, so I have yet to overcome the hurdle.  I guess that what has helped me the most, overall, is the knowledge and acceptance that EVERY single fear outside of what I would deem a "normal" fear is sparked by this constant, heightened state of anxiety.  Since my mind is on high alert (well...maybe medium alert, now), fear of how life will be when I am old...irrational fears that I have about being stuck in a monotonous life...the sensation that I am just "hanging on" in my recovery and that any moment I could have a major setback and not know how to recover...all of this...is basically a lie that my anxiety is telling me.  I constantly remind myself that when I get older, I will deal with being old the same way I deal with being 35.  I do not have a monotonous life.  I have a great son and another one on the way, a good job, a great family support system, and my Faith.  I'm not REALLY just hanging on.  I have progressed through hard work and, if I have a setback, it's not possible for that setback to take me all the way to the beginning again.  I am armed with too much knowledge and too many tools for that to happen.  I just constantly remind myself that anxiety is an old annoyance that I have faced, overcome, and will continue to overcome.  In fact, the longer I deal with it, the easier it gets to overcome (my anxious mind wants me to believe, by the way, that anxiety is wearing me out and that I can't take much more...there is always a negative option with no good result when it comes to anxiety!).

[lisad27]

I think growing old is part of what made me go into panic mode a few months ago.  I had dealt with a bad cold/sinus infection on my birthday, which was in fact a big one for me because I turned 40 at the end of October, eek!  Anyway, I felt so bad when I was sick which brought up old health issues, plus turning the big 4-0, and having to deal with all this family holiday stuff right just sent me over the edge.  For some reason, 40 always seemed like it was so far off, and then all of a sudden, here i was with this big number label on me and there was nothing I could do to change it.  It just seemed like my own mortality was standing in front of me and it didn't help how I was feeling.  I am more at peace with it now and realize it is just a number, but boy,I'm hoping for a more calm and relaxing 41st BDay this year, that's for sure.

[jellylegs]

lisad27 Your post really grabbed my attention! When I see the the ages of those who post here I think I must be among the oldest. I am am 71 years young, a wife, mom, grandmother and great grandmother.  I have had anxiety all my life but I am still here enjoying life and my family.

I think we all have thoughts and anxiety about our mortality, it is only natural. For some of us those thoughts become obsessive and panicky but we cannot sustain them for long before they are pushed to the back for awhile.

As some famous person wrote, we only begin to live when we accept the inevitability of our own death. It is so easy to rob ourselves of today because we are worried about tomorrow.

Sure, we all grow old (if we're lucky!) but the quality of our life is up to us. Not to sound like a goody-two-shoes, but I find that involvement in my community and various groups that I belong to that perform services for others really helps me to find satisfaction and give meaning to my life.

I had a very dear, much younger friend, who died a couple of years ago. She knew her condition was terminal. She always said, "I am living my life to the fullest every day that I have." She did just that, never fell into self pity and continued to do as much good for others as long as she could. She was an inspiration to many.

I do know that when we are in the throes of a bad anxiety session it is hard to see the light and do the hard work to move forward but the results are worth it. I know, I've done it many times. In case you think I am saying all of this from a really good place right now, I'm not, I'm having anxiety issues now, but I know the essential truth about myself. I wil survive this.

I have the same fears you do but like my friend, I don't want to waste what I have left .  Life can be good.

We can't change the inevitable but a faith in a source of spirituality, whatever that means to you is a great help.  A friend once said, "God never wastes our pain," that is so true, our experience of pain can be put to use to make the world a better place.

Still young at heart!
Jellylegs

[lisad27]

lisad27 Your post really grabbed my attention! When I see the the ages of those who post here I think I must be among the oldest. I am am 71 years young, a wife, mom, grandmother and great grandmother.  I have had anxiety all my life but I am still here enjoying life and my family.

I think we all have thoughts and anxiety about our mortality, it is only natural. For some of us those thoughts become obsessive and panicky but we cannot sustain them for long before they are pushed to the back for awhile.

As some famous person wrote, we only begin to live when we accept the inevitability of our own death. It is so easy to rob ourselves of today because we are worried about tomorrow.

Sure, we all grow old (if we're lucky!) but the quality of our life is up to us. Not to sound like a goody-two-shoes, but I find that involvement in my community and various groups that I belong to that perform services for others really helps me to find satisfaction and give meaning to my life.

I had a very dear, much younger friend, who died a couple of years ago. She knew her condition was terminal. She always said, "I am living my life to the fullest every day that I have." She did just that, never fell into self pity and continued to do as much good for others as long as she could. She was an inspiration to many.

I do know that when we are in the throes of a bad anxiety session it is hard to see the light and do the hard work to move forward but the results are worth it. I know, I've done it many times. In case you think I am saying all of this from a really good place right now, I'm not, I'm having anxiety issues now, but I know the essential truth about myself. I wil survive this.

I have the same fears you do but like my friend, I don't want to waste what I have left .  Life can be good.

We can't change the inevitable but a faith in a source of spirituality, whatever that means to you is a great help.  A friend once said, "God never wastes our pain," that is so true, our experience of pain can be put to use to make the world a better place.

Still young at heart!
Jellylegs

Thanks for posting this, Jellylegs, it really helps to put everything in perspective. It sounds like you have a very positive attitude and I know when dealing with anxiety issues, a positive attitude is essential.  I take inspiration from you and how you are dealing with your issues.  It really is all about living in the here and now and not wasting the time you have with worry.