cheated on..... need advice/help

[erica27857]

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years we have both been cheated on in past relationships and have always told eachother we would never cheat. well in november he cheated on me. worse the condom broke. even worse she is pregnant. but what is still worse yet, he lied about it over and over again even when i caught him. he told me it happened years ago at the start of out relationship, he said i didnt know her guess what i did, it was his highschool girlfriend, he also lied about why he was going up to meet her, he didnt think i would let him go out with her and her friends to celebrate her sisters bday so he told me he was going somewhere else. i am so hurt and confused. he told the girl he is not financially able to support a child and he wants nothing to do with it but she still wants to keep it. i told myself the first time an ex cheated on me that i would never stay with a cheater but i love him so much and we live together until september so what should i do? my anxiety has been so bad lately and i pretty much failed my class because i cant stop thinking about him doing that dumb girl. he said he was drunk but after it happened, in the back of her truck outside a bar, gross, he drove the hour home to me and waited two months to tell me about it. when our lease is up in september i am going to see how things are between us and if either of us have a job offer and it will either be over for us or we will continue our relationship and one day have a planned child of our own......... the reason i am asking for help is because NO one here knows what happened, not even my boyfriends mom. so i have no one to talk to, so please offer any advice or help you may have for me.

[sixpack]

That's a fine kettle of fish and damned hurtful too.  I'm sorry your boyfriend did this. 

I don't know what I would do if my husband did the same thing other than we have 21yrs together and 6 kids so I don't think I'd throw in the towel right off the bat. Also I don't think anybody could tell you what to do.  The best advice I could give is to decide if you think there can be any trust and honesty in the relationship.  If not, do you think you want a relationship, let alone bring a child into one, like this?

[tigerpaw]

any update erica?

[surfmonkey]

Well first off I have had this problem many times. Once my bf cheated on me with my best friend in the entire world who actually another man! I kicked him to the fucking curb. I'm now happily married. To make a relationship work you need 3 key things 1.love 2.trust 3.communication. It seems all of those were not applied in your situation. Once a liar and a cheater shame on you. Twice a liar and cheater shame on me. Do you wanna be paranoid? What he did was wrong. Its the ultimate betrayal. If you can't trust the one you lay next to you every night who can you trust? I'm sure he has many qualities that keep you guys together. I'm not passing judgements here. I'm just saying, if he cheated,denied,and lied then how can he be trusted? Can you sleep with him again knowing that at a time someone else took your place? Being drunk is a dirty excuse because as a man he knew he could have avoided a situation and did not. He gave into temptation. As his lady you should be all he has eyes for. Bringing a pure child in this world when you guys aren't stable is not a good idea. He was wrong for betraying you. He was wrong for lying to you. If you forgive him he might think the next time he will be forgiven again and by the second time you'll be sitting around crying with a gallon of ice cream and some oreos crying wondering what YOU did wrong. But YOU didn't do anything wrong. As humans we have temptation and if you think you guys can work together and get past this then done hesitate because we all make mistakes! But...if he "planned" his mistake then he had long enough to consider how wrong it was. Personally I'd leave. He threw away 3years for a one night stand. I'm sure you have so much to offer and I'm sure that there's a man out there who would break every bone in his body just call you his queen for 3minutes! You deserve that. But consider that we all deserve a second chance. I'm just so sorry because I know your pain. You just need to know there's nothing you did to make him do this.  Best of luck girl sincerely!