Scared I will hurtle back into clinical depression

[winduptoy]

Not sure if this is the right place to post but I have a feeling it is...

Four years ago I was experiencing a very stressful time in my life. My mother became gravely ill, my relationship broke down and I was told I might have a problem with my brain stem (I since found out I'm fine). This period resulted in terrible headaches and a deep depression which didn't lift totally for about two years. It was the worst time of my life.

Fast forward two more years and I have just finished a course, I'm looking for work and things are generally going okay but I've become extremely anxious again. This occurred after a series of panic attacks whilst interviewing for a job. I'm still waiting to hear if I got it.

Basically, I wake up anxious and fall asleep exhausted and pretty anxious as well. But I can't stop worrying that I am either depressed or heading to a nervous breakdown. I don't feel depressed per say, just anxious but I can't get the fear out of my head. The loop keeps repeating: "Here it comes, just round the corner. You won't cope this time".

My therapist and partner tell me they aren't concerned, that it's just anxiety, so why can't I be convinced?

It feels like health anxiety because I'm concerned with what MIGHT happen and I keep symptom checking and asking everyone what they think all the time.

[panicky]

Definitely sounds like HA.  That's what happened to me.  It started with a health scare that turned out to be o.k.  But since then I panic whenever the anxiety is high.  It's kind of like you're waiting for something bad to happen like it did before.  That sounds totally normal.  But you don't want to fall back into a depression.  Try to get your mind off of it when it happens, whatever you can do to occupy your mind until it passes.  Sounds like it's from the stress of job hunting (good luck by the way!!!).

[Daisy131]

i feel the same way- i am coming out of a depression in the winter caused by my panic and anxiety. but every morning i wonder- what if it comes back again. what will i do? and it's my anxiety talking. i think anyone with anxiety dreads the big D coming back again. i just have to tell myself, i coped with it before, and it sucked bigtime, but now i know the signs and what to do for it.

[Bama21]

winduptoy,

Sounds to me like your issue arose from your recent panic attacks and now your mind, having become anxiety-ridden has latched onto your worst fear.  That is VERY common with anxiety sufferers.  These fears are almost always unfounded

Did your first bout of depression have to do with anxiety?

[winduptoy]

Yes Bama, the first bout of depression was caused by an overload of stress- reactive depression. So whenever I have too much stress in my life I freak out and think depression is just around the corner.