Apparently I posted my (very long) introduction of myself in the wrong place (Help....new here...need to get better for my daughters) this morning. I had woken up with anxiety (I'm in the midst of an "attack" that has lasted over a month already with multiple physical symptoms), and wrote a ranting, desperate post whilst crying the entire time. My kids were still asleep and it was a rare opportunity to just let it all out. It's now evening, and it being a weekend where my husband was around to help, I had the opportunity to pop a xanax and lie down for a secluded attempt at sleep, so I'm now feeling somewhat functional, although still scared to stand up and see if the dizziness/fuzziness is still present. It's been coming and going in waves, but dominating most of my days and nights. I've had dizziness, headaches, pressure in my head, the terrible disconnected "fuzziness," GI upset and insomnia for weeks now. I've had panic attacks in the past, and they're awful, but I've always managed my way out within a few days. This long, drawn out, terrifying episode is really throwing me for a loop.
I know I've had anxiety from as far back as I can remember, but it's different when you're a child, and nobody's depending on you and you don't REALLY have a sense of mortality or the realities of life. Being a mom at times has helped me, and in many ways makes it harder (in terms of more responsibilities, less time to clear my head/meditate/etc., and fear that if my children see my suffering I'm dooming them to a life filled with anxiety and worry as well). I've not been diagnosed officially as I've never followed through with long-term therapy (who has time for that??!!
) or with any meds except the rescue of an occasional xanax, but I'm sure I at least have generalized anxiety disorder, and definitely health anxiety (and go figure, I work in a hospital reading the charts of patients with critical injury/illness all day long---that's a whole other post). I know that right now I can't do a ton to relieve or abandon my major external stressors, though I'm slowly working on making some major changes, and that the likelihood I will end up needing a preventive med is high. First, I'm ruling out all the scary stuff ( I have an MRI/MRA next week, a visit with a cardiologist for stress testing, and an ENT referral for my dizziness), but regardless, whether the anxiety this time came first and caused the symptoms or the other way around, I can't function on a daily basis and need some rescue while I try to begin the process of working through this.
So, first I want to say thank you to the creators and contributors of this site. It is SO helpful to read all of your stories and to know I'm not alone and there are people who've found help. I'm looking forward to finding what's helped you and maybe even contribute some once I get my head straight. Secondly, I'm curious about medications for anxiety. My previous, limited, experience with antidepressants has been that they made me feel like a "zombie," and that wellbutrin had me feeling suicidal. What has worked for some of you, and what were the side effects you experienced?
Thank you all!!