my little bubble

[apple]

I just want to SLEEP. So I  listen to music, play on the computer or watch TV just to keep myself awake.  I want my kids to leave me alone and take care of themselves, I want my husband to hold mewhen he is home until I feel better and I don't get there...I have no motivation, no ambition, I'm bored and want to sleep.  I have a great life and I don't want TO PARTICIPATE in it. I have great kids and I don't want to do stuff with them. I'm not suicidal I just want to pretend I don't exist until I feel good again...I AM NUMB...

NUMB...thats it, not happy, not content not angry not sad not excited about anything JUST NUMB..

I hate this...I was doing great until I had to change my medication for health reasons and the new medication %#0213 me over.

I want to LIVE LIFE not just be alive...

Why do I have to waste so much time waiting for a med to start to work, find out its no good and try another???

I have lost so much TIME in my life trying this and that...I feel like by the time I get a grip my kids will be grown and gone and if my husband is still here he will me a miserable shell of the man he is now...

[rockie]

 HI'' YA! Apple ;)

I know what you mean for I'm there as well I call my-self the Zombie!
I tryed going off my MEDS doing it the right way, but No! I went Crazy!
So now it's the Zombie Girl forever I am doing less and less as time goes on.
The next life better be worth it'' I only stay here for others, if there were No! others I would leave''.
I'm with you in your Struggle Apple!.

[pauly]

I can sympathise heartily Apple.I'd struggled with mild depresion I suppose for many many years, but not really recognised it. About 18 months ago I started to slide into a deeper episode. My wife, who didn't really understand what was going on, had had enough by the end of this January and left me. We kept seeing each other and she pushed me into getting therapy, which is slowly helping. I don't know whether or not I've done irreparable damage to my marriage or not. The pressure of that is making it hard not to slip back into the bad place again.
I feel isolated and as though noone else in the world can understand what is going on with me.
I know you must be feeling like sh** at the moment, but try to take something from the fact that your 'voice' is a comfort to me.

Pauly  

[apple]

Pauly, thank you for letting me know my dispair helps you feel not alone.  I guess you know exactly how I felt. 
I am doing better now, a new medicine has finally worked and I'm doing ok.  It saddens me that you are in this situation right now.  
Please know that it can get better if you try hard enough...and you may get back more than you can think now.  I think your wife just wants you to be well...it is tough on the family especially when you don't acknowledge or know what is happening to you.
It seems to take forever to get past this depression but when it finally does...what a blessing. ;)
Are you taking any meds to help you through this?  I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression, I got so bad the doctor put me on Risperdal (anti-psychotic) to get my chemicals back in order.  He doesnt want me to be on them long term and has tried to take me off already once.  I didnt fair to well...I'm scared to go off them because I dont ever want to feel like that again...ever.