Worked my 0104 off to get where I am

[heavyonhealth]

I was a little hesitant to post this, but I thought this could be a useful post for someone like me-2-months-ago. 

I'm not "cured" of my anxiety, and I don't think I ever will be.  I have an analytical and creative mind.  I analyze 0103.  I am okay with that.  Sometimes I analyze myself too much.  This sometimes results in irrational creative thoughts about what is happening, what people think of me, etc, which ends up stressing me out.  When my mind is focused on the outside world, it is capable of some amazing things.

My story starts off like many others.  I was a "normal" guy a few months ago.  I developed some bothersome dizziness, and saw a doctor.  He thought it may be stress related, so I said I would try and be less stressed.  I used to drink alcohol and smoke dope a lot.  2 months ago, I had 2 panic attacks after smoking, so I quit.  2 weeks later I was at a superbowl party.  I drank enough that I was pretty drunk, but had no problem getting to work the next day, albeit a bit hungover.  After my hangover wore off, I was gripped with fear.  I left work early that day, and I haven't been the same person since.

My anxiety symptoms are pretty text-book: dizziness, trouble sleeping, tense muscles all the time, obsessive thinking, heart palpitations, loss of appetite, depersonalization, nausea.

My doctor gave me buspar, and I did not handle it well.  I ran out of a grocery store in the middle of a shopping trip cuz apparently I was afraid of the fruit that I was about to buy :) 

What have I done to get from where I was, (not leaving the house for a week, randomly leaving work because it was too much, not being able to see my friends and family, not being able to drive, etc etc) to where I am now (fully functional, even prospering, getting better every day) ???  One word: EVERYTHING.

After 6 doctor visits in 3 weeks, I settled on taking 50mg Zoloft with Ativan as needed during the start, doing CBT, writing things down, putting myself in challenging situations, meditating, doing relaxation exercises, improving my sleeping habits, exercising, eating well, not drinking, not smoking, and doing breathing exercises (I think that about covers it).  I am working my 0104 off to be the best I can be. 

As I said, I am not cured of anxiety.  But the new me is a hell of a lot more resistant to its grip than the old me.  I still get anxious, but I'm able to accept it and move on, or reason with myself to get out of anxious mode. 

I know that when I look back on the trials and tribulations I've endured for these past couple months, I will be able to pinpoint this time as a turning point in my life.  I will never take my brain, my life, my body, for granted.  I now see beauty in every moment, even if I'm a bit anxious at the time :) 

I hope that this post can help just one person to see that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.  I know that a couple months ago, I had a lot of trouble seeing that light.

[Cally539]

Thanks for your post. I've been dealing with this for 3 months now, and I think what you say is realistic. Anxiety doesn't seem to just magically go away.