Do we recover from hard life events?

[Cooler]

Folks,

I am 61 yrs old and diagnosed with panic disorder and phasal depression for the last 30 yrs.

Over a long period I have seen many of my friends and aquaintances hit by the hardest life events. Some have been bereaved, others have been hit by chronic/acute illness, broken relationships and broken marriages, and quite a few have died. Others have had it comparatively easy in just about every way.

What I have noticed is that every one that suffered one or more very hard traumatic life events reacted, and quickly. It was amazing how fast I saw the lights go out when a person was hit down badly. Someone that was confident and positive would go morose and quiet, or anxiously worry and complain constantly. Sometimes a person seemed to permanently change their beliefs about the world as a whole, as if the colour had gone out of their lives. Others would seem to recover quite quickly, but some never did.

I think the point of this post is that the world is a really hard place, and we are all vulnerable to it's actions. Sometimes I go over my own hurtful memories in an obsessive way, reliving the pain of a lost child time and time again, as if that would change the loss. But it doesn't. Some things mark us so deeply that there is no getting back to the lost place, and we have to carry the pain for the rest of our lives. My feeling is that we are never alone in carrying these internal scars; so many of us live with pain and fears that we have to shoulder.

Just now, a very good friend, maybe my most loved friend, is dying of cancer. His wife and daughter will be left, and yet they are clinging to some hope of a recovery even at this stage. It is heartbreaking to see him go downhill, and with such courage, and to see their faces as they visit him in hospital.

We just have to carry on.

C.

[Turbotommy]

I luv this post....must have read it half a dozen times...can't believe no one has replied. My question is what have you done to be able to carry on these 30 years....any helpful tips for me and others?

[Cooler]

I luv this post....must have read it half a  ..any helpful tips for me and others?

Turbotommy,

Thanks for your reply. 

Looking at the post again, it does seem very bleak, but also true. I wonder if people like to reply to a question, but this OP was more like a statement, which we can agree with or just ignore. 

I think we all do know that the world can be very tough, but we don't really want to talk about it.

Tips? Yes. I would say that if we are not in crisis, then we should make the best of that time. Our life is primarily inside ourselves, so if we can be peaceful inside, and value the quiet times, then there is happiness there. Some people tend to look for trouble, and I think I am past that stage, thankfully.

Good thoughts,

C.

[Page Turner]

I love your OP Cooler! I have just arrived here, awoke from a ptsd nightmare and can't sleep, googled looking for a chat room that's related and found this site.

That could have been me talking, every word. Right down to a best friend now struggling with cancer.

Great advice, I find I am doing just that. Cherishing the love and the quiet within me that miraculously, still remains.

I'm going to the chat room now. I look forward to reading and sharing more on the forums soon.
 
RED

[henarose]

thank u so much for reminding me that its not only me that is suffering from pains in life but there are millions out there,,,..

[charlie1]

I totally agree with you original post, Cooler. I think it depends entirely on the person concerned how they react, as I know many people who have had terrible blows as you describe, yet somehow they remain stoical, optimistic, positive and adventurous, yet there are others, myself included, who are destroyed by seemingly far less hardships. I believe that all we can do is just carry on, and try as many techniques and distractions as possible, hoping that in time the anxity disappears due to acceptance, boredom and familiarity.

[Cooler]

Thanks for the replies. I feel a lot better just knowing we are not alone with this stuff.

Good thoughts,

C. 

[Turbotommy]

 "I know many people who have had terrible blows as you describe, yet somehow they remain stoical, optimistic, positive and adventurous, yet there are others, myself included, who are destroyed by seemingly far less hardships."

I totally agree with this...describes me perfectly. Just cant seem to fully get out of it.

[Cooler]

"I know many people who have had terrible blows as you describe, yet somehow they remain stoical, optimistic, positive and adventurous, yet there are others, myself included, who are destroyed by seemingly far less hardships."

I totally agree with this...describes me perfectly. Just cant seem to fully get out of it.

Turbo,

Yes, it's the getting out of it that's hard. Stuff sticks, thoughts recur, we have dreams. A long period of time helps, but the depressive mind (mine) is always liable to slip back.

On a positive note, I've found that a long period of quiet living and some relative security has helped, and I have had periods of genuine peace in recent years.

C.

[Turbotommy]

Hi cooler...just checking in to see how you are 

[desert tiger]

People tell me similar things all the time and i the hard part is over I just have to make my situation successful by finishing the project but i keep feeling sorry for myself. My boyfriend is so hard on me and just wants to drink all the time now out of boredom. We have lots of friend and get to spend lots of time with people he has a band so that brings lots of music around us. 0534 i wish i could talk to someone that had over come anxity and some hard life events.