I Just Make Things Worse...

[Bird Watcher]

 
My husband has been out of town for a few days.  I hate when he is gone.  I seem to have everything under control but I feel like I don't.

I had a bit of a hard week - I've felt extremely anxious and edgy.  It might be PMS, I don't know.  I got into an argument with my best friend two days ago.  We hardly ever get into arguments.

My husband had a hard week, too.  Whenever he has a problem I want to hear about it and am glad he can vent to me.  When I have a hard week he completely belittles my issues and acts like I'm a huge annoyance and that I always catch him at a bad time.  I'll admit - it was at a bad time tonight.  He was at the airport between flights and instead of telling him simply that I just couldn't wait for him to come home I had to go and share my bad week.  He belittled everything, ending the conversation with "Are you done yet?" and "you're acting like juveniles."  The issue with my friend threw me for a loop.  I've been in a funk all week.

The problem is that when my husband becomes so callous, unresponsive and annoyed when I have a problem, I begin escalating the problem by trying to squeeze some kind of kind emotion out of him that just isn't there at the moment.  He is generally a kind person, but rather self-absorbed as we all can be.  By trying to force things out of him that aren't there he just gets more and more annoyed, yet I CAN'T LET IT GO.  What is this called when I do this?  Just being a psycho *$%?  Is it a form of obsessive compulsion.  After I calm down I realize that I should have just shut up and let it go the moment I felt that he was annoyed and not interested.  But I had no one else to talk to about it and thought that he might say something to help me feel better about things.  It wasn't going to happen.  Now he will be home later tonight and will be tired, pissed and annoyed with me.  How can I get him to become unannoyed?  How can I let him know that I wish it had all never happened?  I'd rather hear about his hard week at this point than about my minor dillemma.  But he will be too annoyed with me to even want to talk, and he tends to brood after incidents like this for a couple of days, just going through the motions and shutting me out emotionally.  How can I stop this pattern?

[Chunky]

I dont have any solutions for you, unfortunately... i just wanted to say, expecting some compassion from your husband does NOT make you a psycho bitch.   If you dont feel like you can vent at home, there are some good listeners here!

[OnTheEdge]

no disrespect intended, but I wish i could slap some sense into your husband...how insensitive of him to not support you...

im sorry to hear that the main figure in your life that should support you, isnt supporting you...we all have issues, and sometime we just need an open ear

i extend my open ear to you...errr....online that is.

sometime you just have to vent and have someone listen, STFU,agree with you and offer positive advice...

i dont know you, but we all share the same issues on here it seems...lets try and support each other

[nyiaca]

I can totally identify with what you're going thru. My husband also travels alot for week. He comes home and tells me all about his week, his problems, etc. I frankly, have large given up talking to him about any of my problems. Sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn't. I can usually tell when he doesn't want to hear it. He really has no idea I just generally live in a constant state of anxiety.

I think I've finally come to realize, it's not my fault he doesn't care or listen. It's his. But i don't have very many other people I talk to stuff about, so it does leave a vacuum.

the path I've taken is I don't usually talk to him about it, and it's not very satisfying, so that's not good advice. The good advice would be to find someone else to talk to you...advice for me as well.