Such a long time...

[colour]

Since the age of 12 I have suffered from deep depressions, which are getting more and more unbearable.
Now Iīm 26 years old. I donīt feel enough able to live because I always have to interrupt my education and to stop my actual job, Iīm not able to concentrate enough (e.g. to read a book or to learn..) and have difficulties to do my housework.
I very often had been at the hospital but that doesnīt help enough for a longer period. I get medicine, but that doesnīt help enough.
I have agonizing 0119 thoughts, I feel I havenīt much energy left and Iīm so tired and weak! 
I donīt want any longer to live my life as miserable as this! I wish it could get better soon, but how..?   

[jon06pct]

Hello Colour,
I am also 26 years old.  I've been suicidal twice in my life.  First back in 1998 and most recently at the end of 2004.  I've found that it takes a long time to rise up out of these dark depressions.  In '98 when I suddenly and unexpectedly fell into a severe state of depression I thought my life as I knew it was over.  I eventually recommited my life to Christ and over the course of two years things got much better.  I was happy again and accomplishing some life goals.  In 2003 my life started veering away from God again.  I made some really bad decisions and once again was thrown into a deep depression.  It has been a little over a year now and I'm still struggling to find happiness.  It will take me years to overcome the severe social anxiety that I now face.  I've decided to go the natural medicine way and I've been told by my naturepath that it could take four years for me to feel fully stable.  In the midst of our pain we lose hope that a better future exists, it does.  I want you to know that Jesus Christ loves you.  You were created to be you.  As much as your life is unbearable, the Lord thinks you are beautiful.  You are his unique creation.  0119 will only bring you eternal misery.  I challenge you to ask God for help.  Call up to him.  Scream out in your pain.  Ask him to help you.  Ask him to fill your soul up with life.  You can pray a simple prayer:  "Dear Jesus, I am in real pain, I need your help, I can't solve my problems anymore by myself, Please come into my heart today, I believe that you are the Son of God and that you were sent here to forgive me of my sins, I want to repent of all my sins, I'll do my best from here on out to live a life according to word, In your name Lord Jesus I pray, amen."  If you choose to pray this prayer the next thing you will need to do is go to church this coming Sunday.  The Lord will give you the strength to do this.  Talk with one of the pastors and tell them you have recently asked the Lord into your life.  Ask them what you should do next.  More than likely they will pray with you and read some scriptures from the Bible to you.  You can also contact a church in the phone book prior to Sunday and ask the receptionist if someone is available to talk to you about your recent acceptance of Christ in your life.  Let me tell you Colour, if you take this brave step of faith your life will be radically transformed forever.
With Love,
Jon

[tanya]

thats the most inpiring thing i have read .I too want to find God again. The same thing jon, i got thruogh this with the help of God. Then i chose a differnt path and it came back.. thankyou jon " i believe i can do all things through Christ who strengthen me"  lets pray that we all find strength in ourselves

[dld41001]

When  I became depressed, I believe it was my faith in God that saved me.  I was raised to believe that if you commit 0119, that you could not go to Heaven.  I remember praying to God to let me die, it wasn't that I really wanted to die, but that it seemed easier than to live like I was.  With the help of medicine (prozac) I did get a little better and was able to return to work, however nothing is really "fun" for me anymore.  I also have panic attacks and agoraphobia and with the help of medicine and counseling am doing, not great but alright.  I noticed your message regarding Christ and I just wanted to say that anyone who is without Christ has no hope at all.  My life may not be the best and I may have to go through certain things for a reason, but I have the hope that God will heal me or that someday he will take me to Heaven to be with Him and I will never have to feel this way again.  Also, when I am all alone, I can call out to Him and know that he hears me.  Even though all of my prayers may not be answered, I know that He loves me and that in the end His will is best.  It may be hard to bear, but he promises to be there with us through it all and to never give us more than we can handle.  Believing in God is the best thing I have ever done in my life and I hope that everyone can come to know him also.