Gambling addiction

[sarahlee20]

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Hi everyone I'm sarah. I am still somewhat new to this site. Just joined a little awhile ago. I was looking under this thread and didn't see one for gambling. I thought i would make one.I was inspired to make one when i saw a thread for AA.I am hoping to start a thread to make people aware of this horrific addiction that sadly so many people suffer from.Which i understand is just like any other addiction. I've been looking all over the net for support groups. The Alanon meetings which people call them.However they are are too far for myself to travel being i have a hard time seeing at night.. I am here for support and maybe hopefully run across someone or a couple with the same problem in their relationship. It is an addiction I've been struggling with my fiancee for almost 2years now. I really want to try to be as patient and loving and supportive as i can. I understand i need to be there for him and can do nothing more. However while he is getting healed i have to too. It eats me alive. The anxiety and worries and tensions NEVER stop.I'd like to start a thread and maybe get a support group going. Not only for myself but for others who are struggling. I attend meetings with my fiance we've started going ever Sunday.However emonionally I am having a hard time with my feelings and trying to keep it in. I am not allowed to talk during the meetings only he is. I would like to be able to come to a place wheather on here or go somewhere a counselor or something like that to get some relief and frustrations out. Mind you he made his last bet 1/25/2010. Which I am grateful for. However my worry will never go away. It is hard to accept this. I want so desperately for this to be healed which in time i know it will. I just hate this hanging over my head and hanging over our relationship. I love him with all my heart and soul and he's just my best friend. I don't want to have have to or be forced to live my life without him. That would be too much for my heart to take. I just wonder can I have a relationship that so desperately want. I truly have what i want without the worry and anxiety? Thank you all for your help and Gambler" please feel free to contact me.Thank you all and God Bless.  http://http://

[miika]

hi, I have a gambling problem

[SanDiegoMom]

Hi.

I just want you know you are not alone.  I am Vietnamese and we have a HUGE reputation of being gambling addicts.  My family lives up to that reputation although they have become better about spending only what they know they can lose.  It will still leave them with having only the bare necessities when they certainly are good people and deserve luxuries... but they choose their "luxury" to be gambling, rather than vacations, bigger homes, better cars, etc..

I'm 24, and have gambled maybe 4 or 5 times my whole life, all in social settings.  It is legal here in San Diego at the age of 18.  I've seen 1st hand the devastation gambling causes not only financially, but mentally. 

It is very big of you to stand by his side during this time of his life.  But I will tell you 1st hand that if he is going to meetings because of the pressure from you, and not him actually having the desire to stop, it will be unsuccessful.  Maybe he will quit for awhile, but the desire will always be there until HE chooses that enough is enough.

My child's father also has a gambling addiction.  I hacked into his poker acct. recently and was appalled by the amount of money he deposits.  He is essentially feeding other people and their children when he hasn't sent me a dime for child support since April of 09'.  BTW, he's not Vietnamese but Jewish.  He is young, only 28, 29 in a few months, but that doesn't justify his not helping raise our daughter financially.  Beyond that he is a great father.  He loves her very much, but unfortunately he clearly loves his addiction more.  I've never actually *needed* the money, but my daughter was not a result of immaculate conception.  Luckily I am very good at budgeting and was able to save a substantial amount of money until I am able to find another job.

I have no real advice for you.  I just want you to know that I've been there.  He stole my credit/debit cards while we were together... maxed them out, it went to collections, and I'm here alone with a child trying to rebuild my life.  I'm not saying ditch the guy.  It seems you love him very much.  I loved my daughter's father as well.  But remember... Love isn't going to put a roof over your head, clothes on your back, or food in your stomach.  Make sure this is something HE wants and he's not just going though the motions because YOU want him to.  Tried that, didn't work.  We were together for 7 years.

Always put yourself 1st, because at the end of the day, you're the only person you can absolutely truly count on.  And I want you I'm telling you this with much love.  I support your decision to support him, but don't let it to the point that it got to with me.  Once your are married, his debts become your debts. You'll be a unit.  You'll be just as responsible for his gambling as he is... financially and mentally.  Just really consider what I am saying, I am speaking from my experiences only.  Your relationship with him may be much different then mine was.  It may work out, and I truly hope that it does.

Much love, Sarah.  You seem like a good girl.