6 Year Anniversary

[allenr]

 Hi, first post. I'd like to say that the subject suggested something more positive, unfortunately this will be my 6th year suffering from panic/agoraphobia.

 I'm at the point right now where I really don't see any way out. I've been through therapy, meds, courses online.. some days are better than others. I haven't had an actual attack in years. Since my attacks came on this has stuck with me, engulfing me with unreal fears.

 Well right now I'm struggling with eating. My throat gets so tense it feels like if I swallow I'll choke. I try to convince myself that I've always eaten as I've been alive for 30 years. I can't seem to shake this fear of choking on food. Just the thought of eating makes me really tense, my throat starts to tighten severely. I can use my mind to make it worse or make it better. For some reason my mind always wants to create the worst possible scenerio and put my body through terrible sensations.

 When I wake up in the morning my throat isn't that bad. Then my mind starts scanning my body and I get the tension, the fears. I've lost so much weight because of this. Why I can't convince myself that eating isn't going to cause me to choke is beyond me. I've never had a traumatized situation from eating. I used to love to eat. I could sit down and eat a whole 10 pc bucket of KFC with no problems.

 Tension has really been my main symptom since my first panic attacks. I guess maybe I have no confidence in myself to be able to take care of situations if needed. I'm always looking for help just in case something happens. I used to use people as safe people but now it's to the point where I don't feel safe anywhere. I don't even feel safe eating with my parents as i think if I start choking I only have a little over a minute before it's too late.

 What do i do in this case? Why is my mind such an enemy even when I can logically see the things I fear are childish? I can't even relax, I've tried hypnosis, breathing techniques, meditation but instead my mind races against what I'm trying to accomplish. If i want to relax it's like my mind doesn't allow it and I get more tense.

 I'm at my wits end. i don't even remember life without this. The days where i could go out and eat, get in my car and drive miles without a thought. What's left when you've tried it all?

[livinthislife]

hi, have you tried chewing your food very well and only a very small portion at a time? it would be very hard to choke on it like that. also you could try to chew your food then hold your breath for a slight second swallow and wait until youve completely swallowed before breathing again this is a 100 percent sure way you will not choke.

[allenr]

 Thanks for your reply. Yes I know what you suggested would be the logical way of going about it. I have tried eating softer foods instead of the tough steaks, burgers, etc. I do chew my food alot, i used to inhale it basically. But now, yes I do chew it up good.

 I'm not sure what's going on in my mind. It seems as if I'm a child, thinking irrational things and for some reason i can't get the adult voice to come in and say "hey! stop, be rational". So even though i do chew softer foods and know that I'm fine my throat still tightens up to no end.

 Severe tension especially in the throat area has been one of my biggest plagues since I had panic attacks. In fact the tension used to get so bad in my throat that back then it would actually cause me to go into an attack because I thought my throat was closing.

 I guess it's not so much the choking on the food, it's more on the lines of my thinking that seems to be distorted, child-like. If I could get my mind to get off the fear bandwagon I could releive the symptoms. They say CBT works, repetition. If you can't get your midn to believe what your repeating though, how can you change it?

[livinthislife]

i felt the same thing in my earlier stages of panic attacks i would also feel my throat close up and think that i wouldnt be able to breath and get panic attacks.taking frequent sips of cool water seemed to help.

[basm101]

hi allenr,

I suffer from similar problems when my anxiety is bad. While waiting for meds to kick in while having eating problems I bought myself a range of meal replacement milkshakes. I found I could drink these without gagging. And that way I knew I was getting the nutrients I needed too and kept my weight up.

Another good thing to do is to distract yourself while eating - I always turn the tv on if i can so there is something to look at and then eat slowly, taking small bites and chewing well.

I find meds help my anxiety, but I also tried CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which helped me get over a phobia of eating (gagging/choking) in restaurants. The breathing exercises and visualisation stuff they taught me was very useful.

[Emily]

Hi Allenr..

I have had this SAME fear of choking since childhood. My family used to tease me about being such a slow eater and eventually it lead to anorexia in my late teens. I started drinking ensure and was able to gain a few pounds and started feeling really good about myself. I began having panic attacks when I was 24 years old (3 years ago). I took paxil for two years and gained a lot of weight. I then stopped taking it and was able to drop a few pounds. But my choking fears have seemed to have subsided since. I still drink ensure daily. I highly reccomend it to you. I am often alone without knowing any neighbors in case I do choke. My husband works an hour away. I chew my food to a mush and don't eat anything that could make me choke anymore, unless I am with my husband or family. I think maybe a distraction might help you? Can you call a parent or someone close to you (preferably someone who does most of the talking) and chat for awhile while you are eating? I know it's not polite to eat while talking on the telephone, but this really might help. Also, have a TV or radio on low volume in the background. Distraction really does help! It has helped get me through the past 3 years. I wish you the best with this. Just remember that your throat ISN'T closing up. You are perfectly capable of swallowing foods. I believe in you! Take care.

Emily