How do I explain anxiety to others?

[Kallie]

Hey everyone, new here and was looking for some advice... I apologize if this has been asked before.

Lately my anxiety has got a little out of control. I think for a long time I was in denial about it until I realized what it had been doing to my life. A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend decided we needed to take a break, he was having some issues with how I react to things and my lack of will to go out (social events etc.). He wasn't aware that I have GAD and a Social Anxiety. I have tried explaining this too him, and how it's hard for me in certain situations, and that I always can't control my "snapping" at him and such. I wasn't undergoing any treatment until very recently, as I had said I had been denying it for years, he made me realize what I have been doing to myself (and why most of my previous relationships ended). It's weird, I can go months with no symptoms it seems, then it hits, and I am just a downer, and that is what he was seeing. The break didn't help, as it seemed to make the anxiety peak at my all time worst. I had never experienced such bad panic attacks.

I know he loves me a lot, and really wants to work things out, I am just unsure how I can explain to someone who doesn't understand what it is like. That girl he saw and didn't like wasn't me, and I don't want to be her, that's why I am seeking treatment. Is there any advice anyone can give on how I can better explain this too him? I don't know how to get him to see that with help I can be happy again and that I am working towards making things better between us.

Thanks!

Edit: Sorry i just realized there is a relationship forum... i guess i posted in the wrong spot.

[tmicrowave]

well
of course make sure you wanna get better for you, not him.
you are the most important person in your life

i know what ya mean though
i don't like when people misunderstand me
and it's pretty hard to explain i mean
maybe all you can do is try and explain

you guys still separated?
hope its goin OK

[RobertWiggins]

I would just recommend a nice long talk...

Even if he doesn't understand it will feel good to get off your chest.

[Psychoholic]

well
of course make sure you wanna get better for you, not him.
you are the most important person in your life

This is good advice first and foremost. I had a relationship end years ago due to my problems, which I didn't understand at the time. It made everything so much worse, it seems. 

You need to have a long talk as suggested above. Explain that when you are like this it isn't "you", it is a person even you don't like. Let him know that you want to get help. If this doesn't work, try counseling if you have the ability to do so.

And not to sound harsh, but if he can't/won't take you at your worst, he doesn't deserve your best. Sounds cliche, but it is very true.

Good Luck!

[Kallie]

Guess it doesn't matter anymore, cause we ended up breaking up. But I did get a lot out of it, long story, I'll save it for a rainy day, I am sure the whole chat room has heard it anyways!

But now I am prepared for the next relationship and will know what to do. If he cant be there to support me, then he wasn't and isn't the right guy. Too bad, his loss.

[Psychoholic]

I have some more advice if you care to hear it...

I think for people like us who have these problems, it is a really good idea to get them sorted out as much as possible and take care of ourselves first before we try to take on a relationship. A relationship takes a lot of work and it is hard to stretch ourselves out that much.

Of course, I met my husband when I was still in high school so I never got that much of a chance to work on myself, but now I wish sometimes I could have. I might have less stress in my life these days.

Just my 2 cents. Hope this helps. 

[johndeere216]

"If he cant be there to support me, then he wasn't and isn't the right guy. Too bad, his loss."

Very VERY wise words.

[Kallie]

Thanks John, I am really really trying. That was my strong voice as my counselor would say! It is very true though! Right now I am working on me, and the next guy will get the new and improved version! He will be one lucky man. :)

[Cooler]

Thanks John, I am really really trying. That was my strong voice as my counselor would say! It is very true though! Right now I am working on me, and the next guy will get the new and improved version! He will be one lucky man. :)

Kallie,

I am 61 years old and have been married for 30 yrs. I still can't explain my anxiety disorder to anyone apart from the doctor or other sufferers. My wife and daughter know that I have a problem, but they clearly don't understand it. I wonder if people are hard wired not to understand? It might be some kind of natural defence mechanism.

Problem is; should we tell new people in our lives? Given a lifetime's experience, I think I would not tell. That's a sad thought.

Alex.

[johndeere216]

The most understanding doctors and nurses I've encountered are those that has had anxiety issues of their own.  I'm suprised that I've run into several who have.  Otherwise I think it's kind of an abstract thing and people just don't get it.  They think you're a "worrier" or you "just need to calm down," or it's "only anxiety."

[Penny10]

I say anxiety is a small thing in the big world. Oh by the way can you drive me to that  24 hour clinic?

[invisible girl]

It always makes me laugh when people say 'u need to stop worrying', I know that I just don't know how.  I guess it would be like explaining leg pain to someone who doesn't have any... the experience is somewhat unique, the issue isn't that people understand what the pain feels like so much as they recognise that for whatever reason this happens, it's real and so is the distress it brings with it.  Like any disease, it doesn't have an on/off switch for convenience.  What our friends and family need to know is that its serious, and there r ways they can help. 
That means I think the discussion idea is a good one, they don't need to understand why they just need to understand what they can do to help.

Well, thats my two cents on the matter - I hope it helps.