I have panic attacks and agoraphobia :(

[freedish]

Hey :) I'm new to this forum and I just want to share my experience with my anxiety disorder.

It all started about a year ago. I was at college, it was the end of my first semester. (by the way sharing this makes me really nervous & uncomfortable) I had just finished finals and after having stayed up about 2 days straight from caffeine drinks and adderall pills i decided to go celebrate with my girlfriend by smoking a LOT of marijuana. I smoked about 4 or 5 times during the semester and I never had a problem except I'd get really paranoid. I ended up smoking at some dudes apartment that my girlfriend knows (turns out hes a drug dealer). About 15~ minutes after I start getting horrible feelings like i was gunna die and I felt like I wanted to RUN out of the apartment. My heart was beating so fast and my mind was racing. I also got feelings of unreality. When I finally got back to my place I was totally freaked I thought I was going crazy. My girlfriend held me and reassured me that I was okay. Eventually I calmed down and thought I said I was never going to smoke that much again. I didn't know that what I experienced was a panic attack.

         About 2 weeks later I had another bad experience. I decided to smoke again but this time have less. I was in a very awkward social setting with a few guys I had just met that night. (Similar situation to the last experience). We started passing around some marijuana but I only had 2 hits. About 10 minutes later the same thing happened as before but it was 100 times worse!!! I SERIOUSLY thought I was going to die from overdose or I thought the drug was laced because my heart was beating so fast and my mind was racing. I also felt detached from reality. On the outside I appeared cool and tried to keep it together in front of the people i was smoking with. But inside I was a mess. After we were done smoking we all went to a fast food place and I still tried to keep it together. Eventually I HAD to excuse myself from the table and I sat outside trying to calm down but all i could think of was that i was going to die. I called my girlfriend to come get me. Eventually I got home (around 4am)... I couldn't sleep. I guess I became obsessed with the thought that i was going to die or go to the hospital or even go crazy. (Btw I know you can't die from an overdose of marijuana but I was doing other things like ephedrine and dip and i drank a lot of coffee so I was afraid that mixing those things together could cause a fatal mix).

       Ever since that night I've had panic attacks whenever I leave my house or dorm. I'll start panicking when standing in line or exercising, or pumping gas...getting a haircut...stuck in traffic or anything social. My anxiety got so bad that I had to drop out of college. I lost all my friends but two good ones and I don't really do anything social. I'ts been a year since then and I've gotten a LOT better, for instance I can drive as long as there's no traffic. I can stand in line if i'm not feeling anxious prior to it. I can exercise for 30 minutes if i'm feeling energetic. BUT i still have some of the problems like going to a new restraunte with someone I don't feel safe with.

       My psychologist says i have agoraphobia and anxiety disorder and a phobia of marijuana. I tend to avoid anything that has to do with drugs and I have stopped taking any drugs, tea, coffee, especially marijuana. I used to be afraid of even typing the word marijuana. I also noticed I'm a bit OCD...when i'm feeling really anxious I'll do things like hang up clothes, rearrange things in my room, wear certain clothes, or not wear certain clothes...wash my hands a lot...etc :)

I was on lexapro for 7 months, that made me feel more anxious, and I got mood swings and a long list of other side effects. I have 10 xanax pills but i've only used 1 (the night i left college) and im kind of scared of taking meds. My psychologist wants me to take zoloft, he says it would help my OCD and the fear associated with my anxiety but again I'm scared of taking meds.

...my life was great before this anxiety...but now I have to deal with this disorder and it SUCKS!
I really just want my old life back

[sixpack]

welcome to the ZONE

There are a lot of people are afraid of taking meds.  And sometimes the first or second one you take isn't right for you.  Different meds work differently for people.  All meds can have side effects but if you are very afraid of side effect, you will get them.  It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I swear my mom gets every side effect on the little pamphlet inserts!!!

I've taken zoloft (2003).  The only side effect I had was weight gain.  I, however, didn't expect or have any fear of taking the meds.

[Crush]

I got my first big panic attack when I smoked a lot of weed and then after couldn't smoke it anymore. We called the ambulance too. I had a level 10 panic attack. That is where you gasping for air and thinking your are dying. I was violently huffing and puffing like needing to breath out of a paper bag.. something you would see on TV. Everyone was scared. Then I threw up and stopped the huffing and puffing. Then we cancelled and I was driven home.. I got tunnel vision too.. it was really scary.

Weed will bring out the anxiety that is bottled in a lot of people. If you enjoy your high, then you don't have anxiety. If you tend to get afraid and paranoid and it seems to effect you more than other people, then the chances are good you are prone to anxiety. Weed would actually be a great test to pre-diagnose people that are prone to panic and anxiety.

When it comes to your anxiety, don't run away from tough things. If you get panic attacks in a mall or store.. stay in there and tough it out.. your subconsious mind will learn to know there is no harm in a mall or doing other things. Try not to run away.

And take your meds. Studies show that those who do not take their meds relapse 3x more likely (or something like that)

[tbook]

Hi and welcome.  You are certainly among friends and others who are dealing with those same difficulties.  I have Anxiety/Panic Disorder so I can relate to your concerns.  It's good to hear that you are seeing a doctor about this stuff.  There's no way I would have made my way without a good doctor to at least explain what was happening to me.  I'm not sure if you're seeking any advice or just looking to hook up with the rest of us (we are many).  Living with anxiety is not only horrible but so difficult to explain to those who do not experience it.  Speaking for myself, I can't pin my anxiety to one specific object or issue - although some things (like going to the dentist) can certainly contribute to me feeling anxious.  Mostly I feel alone and uneasy in my own skin.  I have had to keep a full time job and have other responsibilities so I sought help as soon as I realized I was WAY out of control - when I had my first full blown panic ATTACK.  I guess I was fortunate that it happened at my doctor's office and he was very serious about my starting on some medication treatments.  I dread the attacks more than anything.  At those times (which are few since I've started treatment) I lose all control and run around in circles refusing to be touched, trying to hide and basically feeling like I'm having a heart attack.  Sounds fun, huh?    But as I said, those are not as frequent since I started treatment and found the right meds.

For you, obviously pot is NOT a good place for you to be.  I can't smoke pot either.  I am immediately paranoid.  Actually, Adderal does the same type of thing to me - so please be careful of what you are ingesting.  Sometimes we try to medicate ourselves to ease the stress, give ourselves a break, etc.  The results can be worse than we bargained for.    I isolate also, staying inside, not answering my phone - I suppose I'm hiding but the good news is that I am doing those type of things less and less.  I have found some techniques that seem to ease my anxiety when I feel it rising up - they can be different for everyone.  You said you could exercise - that's great even if you are just doing jumping jacks in your bedroom!  lol   Concentrate on your breathing.  Sounds simple but it really helps.  The anxiety grabber that helps me the most is too embarrassing to mention - it involves certain music turned up to astronomical levels but at least after awhile I can breathe again. 

Didn't mean to go on and on.  Welcome to this site; there are lots of good people here.  Stay close to your doctor and reach out when you find yourself needing help.  Hope to talk again.           tbook

[freedish]

I got my first big panic attack when I smoked a lot of weed and then after couldn't smoke it anymore. We called the ambulance too. I had a level 10 panic attack. That is where you gasping for air and thinking your are dying. I was violently huffing and puffing like needing to breath out of a paper bag.. something you would see on TV. Everyone was scared. Then I threw up and stopped the huffing and puffing. Then we cancelled and I was driven home.. I got tunnel vision too.. it was really scary.

Weed will bring out the anxiety that is bottled in a lot of people. If you enjoy your high, then you don't have anxiety. If you tend to get afraid and paranoid and it seems to effect you more than other people, then the chances are good you are prone to anxiety. Weed would actually be a great test to pre-diagnose people that are prone to panic and anxiety.

When it comes to your anxiety, don't run away from tough things. If you get panic attacks in a mall or store.. stay in there and tough it out.. your subconsious mind will learn to know there is no harm in a mall or doing other things. Try not to run away.

And take your meds. Studies show that those who do not take their meds relapse 3x more likely (or something like that)

Thanks it's nice to know I wasn't the only one to get a panic attack under the influence. I'm sorry that yours was really bad. No one even knew what was wrong with me because I kept it bottled in. And your right about staying in a place even if I feel panicky. It's just really tough when everything in your body is telling you to get out and run.

[freedish]

Hi and welcome.  You are certainly among friends and others who are dealing with those same difficulties.  I have Anxiety/Panic Disorder so I can relate to your concerns.  It's good to hear that you are seeing a doctor about this stuff.  There's no way I would have made my way without a good doctor to at least explain what was happening to me.  I'm not sure if you're seeking any advice or just looking to hook up with the rest of us (we are many).  Living with anxiety is not only horrible but so difficult to explain to those who do not experience it.  Speaking for myself, I can't pin my anxiety to one specific object or issue - although some things (like going to the dentist) can certainly contribute to me feeling anxious.  Mostly I feel alone and uneasy in my own skin.  I have had to keep a full time job and have other responsibilities so I sought help as soon as I realized I was WAY out of control - when I had my first full blown panic ATTACK.  I guess I was fortunate that it happened at my doctor's office and he was very serious about my starting on some medication treatments.  I dread the attacks more than anything.  At those times (which are few since I've started treatment) I lose all control and run around in circles refusing to be touched, trying to hide and basically feeling like I'm having a heart attack.  Sounds fun, huh?    But as I said, those are not as frequent since I started treatment and found the right meds.

For you, obviously pot is NOT a good place for you to be.  I can't smoke pot either.  I am immediately paranoid.  Actually, Adderal does the same type of thing to me - so please be careful of what you are ingesting.  Sometimes we try to medicate ourselves to ease the stress, give ourselves a break, etc.  The results can be worse than we bargained for.    I isolate also, staying inside, not answering my phone - I suppose I'm hiding but the good news is that I am doing those type of things less and less.  I have found some techniques that seem to ease my anxiety when I feel it rising up - they can be different for everyone.  You said you could exercise - that's great even if you are just doing jumping jacks in your bedroom!  lol   Concentrate on your breathing.  Sounds simple but it really helps.  The anxiety grabber that helps me the most is too embarrassing to mention - it involves certain music turned up to astronomical levels but at least after awhile I can breathe again. 

Didn't mean to go on and on.  Welcome to this site; there are lots of good people here.  Stay close to your doctor and reach out when you find yourself needing help.  Hope to talk again.           tbook

Thanks so much, I almost ALWAYS feel uncomfortable being in my own body. I think it has a lot to do with what I eat, sugar and high sodium foods so i try to avoid those now. I also noticed eating potassium type foods help a bit. That's funny that you mentioned the music thing because when I first started getting the panic attacks I was freaked out about getting a heart attack and I couldn't be around any loud music because I was afraid of the bass messing up my heart or making it get out of sync...sounds crazy...i know :)