having trouble with this stupid thought.

[1988male21]

ok two weeks ago me and this girl got drunk at my house and passed out in my bed. i was wearing a t shirt and boxers and she was wearing a shirt and underwear. anyway i remember kissing her for like ten seconds then thinking "0103, im gonna puke." so i rolled over the other way and next thing i know i wake up and have a morning wood. it also appears i may have slightly pissed my pants or had a wet dream (excuse the graphic language) i took a shower and then went back to sleep and woke up about an hour and a half later. i think she wanted to have sex but i dont remember doing anything. anyways i called her later that day and asked her if we had a sexual encounter and she promised me that we didnt. for some reason i dont believe her and i keep running the scenario through my head constantly even though the odds are that we didnt. i have a huge fear or hiv and i think that my brain is just trying to keep me scared because yesterday my std test came back negative. is it possible my brain wants me to stay worried about hiv for another 6 months even though im pretty sure that me and her didnt have sex? im sure this sounds pretty odd. shes the type of chic that has a higher risk of having hiv cause of past drugs and sex. i also just quit smoking and drinking 2 days after the encounter so my anxiety is sky high.

heres why i figure that we didnt have sex.

i still had my clothes on, so did she.
i did something in my boxers.
if i would have been moving around from the sex i prolly would have puked.
i think i would have remebered sex, because i remember everything i said up until i layed down.
she said we didnt have sex
there were no stains on my bed

the scenario is odd and i cant stop freaking about it. can anyone ease my mind?  ugh..F**K OCD!
my std test i took 9 days later came back all negative.

[sixpack]

It sounds to me like it is your intrusive thoughts getting the better of you.  It looks to me like you didn't have sex.

[Teri_C]

I would have to agree with sixpack.  That probably does not make it easier for you to let it go, but I hope it can help start that process.

Good luck

[1988male21]

thanks for the support guys. is it possible i seem to have anxiety/panic attacks, ocd and hypochondria! what a mess!
it sucks. i also just gave up drinking and smoking cold turkey like 12 days ago. so im sure that isnt helping.

is it possible for these mental issues to cause you to question things that you know didnt happen or things that are unlikely to happen?

[Teri_C]

Not only is it possible, it is one of the defining characteristics of some of these mental health problems, especially OCD.

[sixpack]

thanks for the support guys. is it possible i seem to have anxiety/panic attacks, ocd and hypochondria! what a mess!
it sucks. i also just gave up drinking and smoking cold turkey like 12 days ago. so im sure that isnt helping.

is it possible for these mental issues to cause you to question things that you know didnt happen or things that are unlikely to happen?

absolutely it is possible.

[1988male21]

i guess it just trips me out because hiv is my biggest fear. even though i know me and her didnt have sex, my intrusive thought knows my fear and projects it into my brain as to subliminally fool me into believing that i have hiv? is this correct?

[ocdengineer]

You didn't do it, but it is hard to deal with because this is an area in you life that you don't have complete control.  I have dealt with the whole "while you are sleeping" ordeal.  Mine was that if I went to sleep, what if I hurt someone I loved while sleeping.  It is a baseless fear, but it was mine, none the less.  I beat it by consistently sleeping next to my wife closely for weeks with fear for sure, but nothing happened and my mind gradually shifted to other obsessions.  LOL.  It is like playing Whack a Mole.  Anyway, using meditation and relaxation...  Meds as well (Xanax).  I feel much better, but don't get me wrong, I still have my rough times.

Do you like this girl?  Would it have been bad had you had sex?  Just curious, because as a single guy, I didn't pass up many of those opportunities.  LOL.  And what better way to face your fear than to have (protected sex) with this girl?  LOL.

Oh yea.  I quit smoking too about 4 years ago.  It was tough, but if you can get through 3mos. or so, you'll be fine.  Keep it up!  That would worry me more than HIV.

Just a thought,
OE

[1988male21]

its a month and im still tripping on the situation. it would have been a bad thing if i slept with her, because i had no condom. still not smoking. thinking back, many things suggest that me and her didnt do anything. but i still freak about it. ocd really sucks.