im in my 20s and ever since i can remember the first day going into kindergarden i was terrafied, im terrafied to leave the house, talk on phones, be anywhere near police, in public, opening up to people and etc. i have been damaged my whole life by other people my whole life, if bad luck is possible then it will hit me. all my neighborhood friends i grew up with died when i was younger from living in a bad area. i on the other hand straightened my life out and became a good person, i always tried to be in relationships but ever girl has hurt me very bad. its going on almost 5 years now since ive had a girlfriend, ive had offers but the people werent good candidates. ive also developed severe depression and bi-polar and anything else you can think of. now that u know a bit about me let me tell u my problem.
ive tried every type of anxiety and depression pill there is and none of them has worked for me because my body cannot handle them, i get very nautious, i even get nautious if i drink one of them energy drinks with alot of caffeine, i may even be lactose intolerant because milk upsets me, my stomach always has problems. zanax works for me when i have horrible anxiety attacks and i cant breath it helps me enough to control my heart rate but then i usually pass out and fall asleep within the next hour no matter what dosage and how much i split them apart.
so heres the kicker, ive had alot of misc injuries and about 3 or 4 years ago started taking percocets. first id just take one a week and if i took to many a week i would say this is getting bad and completely stop for a month. but i found its the ONLY thing that controls my anxiety. now i take them every single day and when i dont take them i am so depressed and upset i try commiting 0119. im really not overly abusing them, the bottle says take up to 4 a day for my pain but i take at least one a day but lately they havent been working so i been taking 3 a day to deal with my depression. people i tell this to say well dude your really not a addict compared to the people they know who blow there whole check on them and take 13-20 a day. but ive never been one to like pills and i feel like a drug addict but yet this is the ONLY thing that can cure my anxiety and make me feel relaxed and ok. people describe me as a whole another person, i can go in public, i can go on dates, i can do anything a normal person can when i take these. but i know in the long run these pills can cause damage to your insides so now im at the debate do i keep taking them and make it through the day happy or do i stop and risk keep trying to 0473? today is thursday and i havent taken any since sunday morning. i quit cold turkey, within these few days ive managed to lose everyone i was close to because of my depression without them. every person who told me to stop taking them now does not want to deal with me.
people think im ignoring them sometimes but truth is im 2 afraid to be around someone else alot if im not on pills i just get to scared. i had abusive ex gf's who yelled at me when i was to nice to them, a abusive mother who yelled at me and would have to fight alot in public defending myself so my shoes or coat wouldnt be taken. sometimes people see the happy me when im all doped up on pills and they think that is me, but it isnt, ive had a friend for 4 years who still till this day doesnt understand when i get quiet and tell him i am nervous.
i think maybe if i found a good girlfriend it would help me, i find sometimes nice people but they cant relate to me or im not very atracted to them. last year i talked to someone online from a diff state and was so happy that all my disorders were gone the whole time i talked to her, when she met me she was so mean in person that it didnt work out and i went back into my slump. so i know love is one cure that would help is a very supportive person, but in this world its hard to find that.
if anyone knows a alternative pill like percocet that gives u the same alertness and happiness i would sure like to know. i have also tried adderal which is pretty close but after a few hours it destroys my stomach, it made my stomach hurt so bad that after a month i was bleeding internally and had to stop. i thought i could finally be off percocet with the adderal but couldnt with its side effects.
i have also started taking vitamin c and vitamin b complex as the complex turns your food to energy, im not sure if it really helps at all, i been taking both about 3 months and havent noticed a difference.
a famous person i know also has bad anxiety, his dr also could not find a cure for him. his whole life he was against drugs because his sister died from it, then one day in his early 30s his friend finally got him to smoke weed and it cured his anxiety. he told his dr about this and his dr actually said i dont recomend marijuana but if this is seriously taking away your panic attacks then maybe you should stick with it. for me marijuana makes me more paranoid, but im using that as a referal as if percocets is the only thing making me happy should i stick with it?
alot of disorders are caused by chemical imbalances in your head and body, certain pills even out or raise these chemicals and make u feel better. whatever is in the percocet is leveling me out or giving me a chemical that i lack or do not barely have at all. i think its the acemepetamine, which over a period of time can be bad and this is what worries me. but also someone in my family has been taking pills for 40 years and is still alive without any internal damage, and they take a huge amount of them, not abusing them but as prescribed for pain. i wish i knew of something that could raise my chemical balance the same as percocet does.
im sorry this was a huge post, im not sure if its even in the right section. i thank anyone who reads this for your time as i know life is short and time is valuable. any help would greatly be appreciated and not the normal "see a psychiatrist and psychologist etc." things that i already know
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Topic: my anxiety and percocets (Read 2100 times)
September 10, 2006, 02:30:23 AM
