he cheated

[Blah7886]

why...why in my heightened state of anxiety did this have to happen...we get in one fight and he goes to none other than his ex girlfriend of three years...I am bawling my eyes out now because Idk what to do. We just got a house together and he talked about starting a real life with me...I was "the one"...he wanted to have a baby with me...and it was all BULLSHIT. i've never been cheated on before this and i dont knoww how to react. i am going nuts and i dont know how or if i can go on sorry to bug you all with my issues but idk where else to go it's 6 am and i have no one

[FeelingOptimistic]

Hi Blah,

Relationship issues like these are never easy.  I really feel for you that this has happened now, when your anxiety it so high already.  I remember when my anxiety was at an all time high thinking, "God forbid nothing else bad happens because I think it would send me over the edge- I just can't handle any more."

Okay.  I know meds like Xanax can calm you down at a time like this.  I've never taken it (although I do have a prescription) but I have seen many people here who say it is really beneficial in incredibly stressful times.

Now on to his cheating.  I am married now but I remember being cheated on when I was dating and in my 20's.  I dated a guy in college for 3 years, and one summer when I went home to work, he met someone at his summer job and they had a bit of a fling.  I suspected something all summer but nothing was ever confirmed, until the fall when I returned to college and a friend told me that she had seen him at a party with this girl.  (I actually felt more betrayed by my FRIEND at the time for not telling me, but that's another story.)  Anyway...I was devastated because of all the guys I had dated (and I dated a lot), this was a guy who I THOUGHT had the character to NEVER do something like that.  I think that was most upsetting, that I was so wrong about him.  Anyhow, we eventually did get back together because he was very remorseful and sincere that it would never happen again and I believed that.  The trust that was lost because of that, however, led to us breaking up a year later and going our own separate ways.  Looking back, I never did envision myself married to him and I never really felt like he was "the one" so things worked out for the best.  I'm sharing my story with you with these questions in mind for you:  Is he remorseful about what happened?  What has he said to you that convinces you that he won't run to her again when times get tough between the two of you?  Are you capable of forgiving him and moving past this?  Is he still "the one" in your eyes?


You have a lot of thinking to do.  Can you call a good girlfriend or two to rally around you while you figure things out?  You probably don't want to hear this, but you will get over this.  You are young and beautiful. Right now you are hurting but in time you will feel better.  Hang in there!  Keep reaching out as you process through your feelings.

Take care,
Feeling Optimistic

[tmicrowave]

im starting to feel like letting people get away with things like cheating is doing yourself an injustice and putting the other person first

but its your own situation so only you can decide whats best
im just sorry that happend
ive been cheated on and i know how you feel
thats really messd up