I feel condemned...

[Door]

This question may seem silly, but have you planned out how to take care of yourself while you audition Zyprexa?  What I have done when trying new meds is lowering expectations of myself, like, very low expectations.  Sleeping all day, fine.  Messy room, fine.  Television marathons, fine.  I took a vacation from the world.  I decided to worry about my worries later.  I banned myself from thinking.  My aim was to pass the time as comfortably as possible until a medication began working.  I hope you are doing this, going easy on yourself.

[WiSp]

Ban thinking is pretty hard, but the rest is ok. I now live with my parents in a small town of less than 2000 people. I spend my time mostly on video games, I've no work to do, no food to get or to prepare and I think I'm getting problems to be sit all the day. I've belly pain sometimes, and it started before zyprexa. To avoid more problems, I decided to start to move myself a bit so I've gone outside a minute ago. It's night time and it's really quiet outside. I decided to walk to exercise a minimum, to avoid more physical problems...I thought it was not so cold. Anyway, I spent 10min walking outside. I will try to repeat it or find something else. I try to have some fun Door. I've even eaten some chocolate 2 days ago. It's less hard to eat since I take zyprexa. It's the only positive thing it does for now. Well this town is not the very best place too...I've got a lot of bad times here, in fact 95% of my life has been there and even good times are not really good because it's nostalgia and it makes me depressed. As a kid, this stupid anxiety was not on me. But yes, even at this time I was worried and stressed easily. But it's the most free I felt. It's not a city, so you have mountains, forests, rivers etc Life was so easy! Just to think about fun and nothing to take care. When the adulthood appeared, things got very complicated and it becomes real food for anxiety. I know I know, it's not the time to think about the past or the future. But it happens when you walk alone like a ghost in a town that was once a little paradise, but will never be again. Ugh I'm about to start to cry again. Ok ok *blank his mind*. However the quiet is welcome. Where I was living before, there was no place to be really alone and far from any sounds. There was a woman living up to me, always hitting the floor, and my apartment was almost in the street. I was hearing every conversation on the walkways, even people spiting (disgusting). It was also a cross of streets, where cars were always stopping and starting again. I was living in noise all the time. Before to leave, I really thought it would make me crazy. If I ever move again one day, it will surely not be in a city with millions of people and not at the end of a street.

You know what? My mother informed me that the last psychiatrist I've seen is hated by a lot of people. They say he is barely human and rough with everyone. On the 3 available, he is the worst. I have the best it seems. My best help however is here, and from my brother. He is PhD in chemistry/biology but not working in the mental illness (it would have been too much luck for me). However his girlfriend studied psychology in the past so they try to help me the best they can by emails. I thought about benzos and I don't know if it could be a good idea anyway...I fear that on zyprexa, a benzo will boost the stun effect. If zyprexa can really do what it's supposed to do, it should be good enough I guess.

[WiSp]

I update the story...day #4 on zyprexa 2.5mg. The dizziness is heavy and I feel like if my head is gello, taking different forms and moving. I've spontaneous nausea several times per day. I'm weak and with pain everywhere. I just called the drugstore. They told me that zyprexa needs a week to get the positive effect, and a week too to get rid of negative effects. Those can also appear later and not always at the start. It's true, the first days were not so hard. Anxiety is still bad. Let's go for a week then...

[sbthurst]

Good luck kiddo, try eating a little bit of crystallized ginger.  It really helps with the nausea and it is natural.  No side effects. 

[WiSp]

*Update*. I feel more and more dizzy, always like if I'm about to faint. I'm disoriented. When tonight I got a huge pain of about 1sec on the right side of my belly, I entered in a panic state. I thought it was appendicitis. It was one shot. Not happened again. I have to say that I've belly discomfort since I was on celexa and I stopped to take it at the end of December. The problem is still there, it was before I take zyprexa. It doesn't help, surely. I'm worried about this from a long time. This pain put me in panic, and it was really not helping to feel near of fainting with also strong headaches coming and going. I really thought ER was waiting for me...I called a medical line finally. They say that everything can be zyprexa (big surprise). "No need of ER, nor a doctor for now. But call your pharmacist and ask what you should do about zyprexa." I thought about stopping it tonight. It's not an easy decision. It's maybe about to slow down with side effects...If I stop now, all this suffering will have be done for nothing. I swallowed it again finally. But tomorrow if it's worse or I have other surprises again...I will end in my bed. Ah, some stuff that will interest people...The nurse at the phone told me that they give too much antipsychotics, and also for young people (I don't know if he was talking about people needing it for schizophrenia and bipolar disorders). He agreed also with the strategy I have to try the meds one by one. My psychiatrist will surely not. I really don't care. This was not a stupid or dangerous decision. Those meds are not needed in duo to work...I could not be stupid to do this with something that we must take in duo. Finally he told me that advil is okay with zyprexa, if needed for headaches. Thank you sbthurst for your advice, but nausea is not my primary concern and it's most of the time tolerable. The feeling to always be about to faint scare me the most. The nurse said to go to ER if my vision changes, or if I really faint, also if the headache is intolerable or if I can't move my head. Let's see what tomorrow will be...I swear this is a big adventure in hell. I knew it before to start and I was right. It's not for nothing that I'm terrified about new meds. The dizziness feeling is even not the same that for paxil, zoloft, celexa, xanax or ativan. It's a new type of dizziness and it's scary. I was really out of options to decide to take this...If I swallowed it again it's because I really want to get better. I really want the side effects to go and feel better. I would like just one day without nothing. Just one!

[WiSp]

* Update * Day #8 on Zyprexa. Sorry, still no good news except that anxiety was a little bit lower during some of the past days. It's back full strength since yesterday evening. I've done an EEG yesterday afternoon. I added something to their notes: the vision problems. It's like if my eyes are saturated with information. The more the things move fast, the more it's "annoying" and dizzy. It was like that before zyprexa. I was not in any withdrawal. This thing can only be caused by anxiety or by a neurological illness. Anyone know what I'm talking about? I've never known really if it's anxiety. But it seems worse when anxiety is. I hope the EEG will bring good news. One thing is sure, I feel like on overdrive all the day like if I'm plugged on 700 gigawatts and at this EEG I was very curious to see what readings it could do.

Zyprexa has not changed. It still cause all kind of problems and is hard to tolerate, especially in the evening (I take it before to sleep). I will meet a doctor on thursday and I will talk about all this stuff. A psychiatrist is useless with physical stuff (my old was also acting like a doctor but the new will never do this). I will talk about what to do with zyprexa. I know, it's only the first week. But at the appointment it will be almost 2 weeks. I took an advil for bad headaches (celexa was giving pain in the back of the head, globally. Zyprexa does it also in the back but not globally, on each side and not the middle, and vertically. They have all their own flavor for pain!). Advil worked but later when it stopped, the pain was like accumulated I guess, because about half a second it was like a pain that could make me scream if it would be longer. Nothing more after, fortunately.

I even don't know if to take a benzo would not mess with zyprexa. They have both sedative properties. I will talk about this with my doctor too. This appointment has been fixed since December...I'm sure the next, even took on the same day that I see him, will be in 3 months again. Effexor is still out of the game for now. I've already much hard time with zyprexa. And seriously, this effexor is a real bad decision anyway. I understand the will of my psy to work on norepinephrine and dopamine instead of just serotonin but this will need a dose of 200mg minimum, it will take so much time before to reach this, and I don't even want to think about what will happen to me each time we raise the dose. Something like cymbalta could have done the thing for norepinephrine and much faster because we don't need a special dose except the therapeutic one. To help someone that need this help very fast, effexor is the worse decision. Because I can't see my psy before my doctor, I will ask my doctor about this. It's really depressing to take something that worsen everything you have...I know that is not why we take it, but still. If it could be like an advil, simple and not destroying your health...I temporary stopped my little walks because often I'm too scared to faint outside. The dizziness is sometimes pretty bad. But I plan to try again soon. Thank you for reading. I feel somehow less alone by sharing all this.

[Door]

Cymbalta may be a good choice for you.  It is worth discussing with your doctor.  I had physical side effects (severe constipation, unable to pee) when I tried it for 2 weeks, but my anxiety did not go up.  I was on 60 mg.  I decided to discontinue because when I need to use the toilet, I want to use the toilet!

[WiSp]

Actually cymbalta scares me because of this thing about being unable to pee I know it does this...I don't want to be scared to need to go to ER because I can't pee...urgh I hate to have to go through all this. You see I have problems to pee in public places (public toilets, a problem that I developed when I was young. Sad story. It's psychological, but it's still a problem anyway. I need a quiet locked place or it doesn't work.) and I wonder how much anxiety can affect this even at home. If I add a drug that make it difficult to pee, I can "reasonably" think that I will go in a panic when it's time to pee and fear it always. It's stupid, without this thing it could be a good try. But they are so few SNRIs compared to SSRIs...

[WiSp]

Another update...during those last 2-3 days, anxiety was horrible, as it is right now. I'm now on zyprexa 2.5mg since 2 weeks. While pharmacists say that it should work in one week, it seems clear that it does nothing for anxiety, and I even think it worsen it. I got some panic attacks, which is rare for me. It's mostly a crazy anxiety all the day with some peeks. I appreciate much more the food now, and I'm glad about this. But if it worsen anxiety, what will I do? I was planning to see if headaches, bad feelings and strong anxiety will go away before to start effexor and decide for zyprexa. Headaches were sometimes strong. They were light during those last days or even non existant...it seems to work like this: when zyprexa makes me feel very bad, anxiety is lowered. If zyprexa gives me peace, anxiety is very high. It seems unstable. I wanted to see what will happen before to start effexor. How I know if anxiety is worsened? There are new things. Like my own voice, sometimes give me a fast anxiety rush. Yes, like if I'm surprised. Like if I felt that I was watching me or listening to me outside of my body. I don't say it's always like this. I just say that it happened. I got the same thing at looking at me in a mirror. Those things were not there before. It's maybe an evolution of my anxiety...or zyprexa. I will try to contact my psychiatrist monday. I would not like to lose time before to try effexor but if zyprexa is already a problem, I don't want 2 problems or the natural one amplified. I'm not depressive and this is unexpected. I've not cried since a bit now. I'm like taking stuff with no choice and somehow accepting it. But I still don't want of all this. I have to clarify what I will do with zyprexa and decide soon to start effexor. Why I don't just stop? Because I still don't know the motivations of my psychiatrist. It was supposed to be combined with an antidepressant. I take it alone, because I was terrified already to just take one. If it was to give me some peace before effexor hits, I could stop it if it worsen the problem or doesn't help. But if something else was planned, like maybe to increase it before to decide, I will destroy it if I stop. This was 2 weeks of "work". I don't want to destroy everything. That's why I feel that I should talk to my doctor for him to advise me what to do. I take this stuff seriously. I'm just supposed to see him in 3 weeks, so I will try to get him on the phone.

I've seen a doctor too (not the psychiatrist, just a doctor). It was positive I think. I learned stuff, and he assured me that I've nothing physically to investigate. My vision problems are linked to anxiety (I didn't know that anxiety can do this) along with dizziness and everything else. We talked for 30 minutes about meds and anxiety. I wanted anyway my ears to be checked for my constant dizziness so he filled a paper but asked me to not say that he recommended it, because he thinks it's useless. "You are 28, not 65 and I see no reason to investigate anything." He was good with me. I'm just frustrated to not think to everything I want to talk about, each time I have the occasion to do it. He said that his choice would not be zyprexa (too much side effects he says). But each doctor has a different opinion it seems. He said that paxil is the winner for his personal success stats. Seroquel XR would be his first choice, if we have to pick something in this family of meds. He said the XR is completely different from the non XR. He offered me the choice to try paxil again (I tried it when I was 18 and I don't remember why I stopped it. But I doubt it was because of its effectiveness) or to try effexor. I've chosen to do what was planned...I will try this effexor (XR). Just in case that my psychiatrist is right. He is not bad. I'm just frustrated that he doesn't listen to everything I say and decide too fast. I can't understand how we can make good decisions with a lack of information.

[Warbirdwf]

I was wondering WISP why you haven't gotten back on Paxil or Zoloft? I believe in your past posts, you said they worked. As I look back on my past 7 months of this -episode- of my increased anxiety, I'm convinced that the worse days where when I was trying new meds that didn't work for me or weaning off them. I only started to recover when I realized that my anxiety was a 'rebound' anxiety from stopping Prozac w/out weaning. I was on it for a couple of years but stopped it due to not having any anxiety and it causing trouble with me reaching an orgasm. Prozac stays in your body for a long time after you stop taking it. I did the math and it was about the time it was fully out of all my tissues that my anxiety problem blew up. Instead of going right back on it or Paxil (that I was on before Prozac), I was put on a bunch of meds that only amplified my anxiety and lengthened my time to start my recovery.

Since I started on the Paxil, I've been feeling so much better. I've also been weaning off the other drugs to see how I will feel w/out them. I discontinued Seroquel and after feeling being off it, I'm now discontinuing the Remeron. My hope is to only be on the Paxil till everything fully calms down. I get really mad at myself for not figuring this out quicker. I'm also disappointed in all the doctors/psychiatrists who never asked me if I was on anything before. It goes to show us that sometimes we have to take our health in our own hands.

Just my opinion, I think you should try the Paxil before the other. I started it back up at 5mg for a couple of weeks then went to 10mg, 15, 20, 25 and now at 30mg. The start up side effects were not that bad. I'm very sensitive to meds too. I started felling better in 1-2 weeks too!

Good luck to you Wisp!

[WiSp]

Paxil killed my libido but I don't care if it works of course...I just don't remember...I was 17 or 18, it's like 10 years ago. But I can't really decide by myself. Maybe effexor would work. Anyway about zyprexa, I've several panic attacks + the daily ugly anxiety in the roof, anxiety is huge, I got a rush just by walking outside the room when I saw objects around to go near me. It's stupid! I've never got this before. I stop it right now. I've enough...I watched over the last days to see if it was a coincidence but now I stop this. I'm going crazy. It's day #15 and it was supposed to work at 7 maximum according to my doctor and a pharmacist.

I was on zoloft 150mg since one year or more when panic attacks started again. So I doubt it's a good idea to take it again. I will have to beg for benzos again. I can't stand living like this. I will think about for paxil but sincerely I feel a better chance to start something new. But you see, if I would have been on both, how to know what is causing this crazy anxiety and panic attacks? Impossible! It's a bad idea to take more than one med before to test them separately. I also thought about this new stuff to be from myself and not from zyprexa. In any case, it doesn't work! Not an inch, nothing! I hope those silly days will end after zyprexa to be out of me...It's 2 weeks, it should be out with no big problems but it will surely take 4 days.

[Door]

Wisp, I would trust the doctor that listens to and values you.  If he recommends Paxil, I hope you consider it.  Heck, he may even give you benzos to take for a few weeks while you get on the medication.  I really want you to get out of this hell you are living in.

Also, my friend with GAD is on Effexor and is pretty happy with it.  Also, there is Lexapro.  I can't tolerate Celexa, but Lexapro is great.  Celexa had worked in the past for me but when I tried it again last summer, it was an anxiety nightmare.  Then I tried Lexapro and it worked fantastically.  They are different.

You do have at least 3 choices.  Another option is Zoloft plus a booster like Seroquel XR or Abilify.  You have a long way to go on the med train.

The key is to have a doctor who is compassionate and is delighted to answer all your questions.

[WiSp]

Thank you for your support Door. I really appreciate it. Lexapro is not covered by insurance so it's not really an option. I will give effexor a chance. I must explain what is going on here. I live with my parents, and it's a small place. Health system here is free but you must take what they decide to give you, or go to browse in the private system, a thing that usually only people with enough money go to. My parents are old and don't work anymore, and I'm receiving some money from the government for continuing college remotely. In other words, there is hardly money for the private system or for meds not covered by insurance.

Also, the only psychiatrists around are in the only hospital around, at 30km. They are 3. Whatever happen with one, the others will not want to help you because you already have one. He is not bad with me, but it was really better before I move. It was one time per week and I was talking about a lot of stuff. Here they don't want to listen to anything except the meds, and how you do with them. Their goal is to see the bigger number of people and to "cure" them with the faster way as possible. To be able to see one, I had to wait forever because of the transfer of my infos from the other city. I could investigate where there are psychiatrists, but it will be above 30km, and take forever again for the transfer, and I will get maybe a real bad one.

For doctors, it's the same. There are too much people seeking doctors, and so few of them. I've been lucky to have one, because a lot don't have any doctors and must use ER or special places where you don't get regular visits. It's a place without appointments. Now let's talk about psychologists...It would have been good to have this support through all this. But again, they are controlled by the system, and it means all them around the region. They put me on a queue of 6 months of waiting.

So, right now I must deal with the psychiatrist I have. I'm not at ease to counter his ideas since I tried to flush him the last time. Because without him I will have no more help, and I think they are better than doctors for this stuff. I doubt he could flush me because he is professional but well...for him, SSRIs are to be put aside for now and he really think that effexor can help. He expects a 25% of chance for a SSRI to work right now, based on the failures of celexa, zoloft and paxil. This thing, I have to discuss with him because they are not failures. Zoloft and paxil worked. Celexa could but I can't stand the side effects. In any case I guess if I'm sick like crazy on effexor, we will return to SSRIs. The decision was made without seeing anything from my personal data because this was still in the process to be transfered from the other city. So I panicked because of effexor and zyprexa, I wanted to follow the same way than with my old psychiatrist and asked to see another. They put me in a waiting queue, forever to wait again. After that I explained why I must see one fast, I finally got in the top of the list. But like I said, there are 3, and no one will destroy what the other has done. It was useless and frustrating. And now my original psy could have anger toward me. I don't want to be seen like a difficult client because it will make all the stuff harder. My stop of zyprexa will also be considerated like something I don't have to decide by myself. But I've no choice now. I would not have to decide by myself if I could see him more often...Also, my decision to not take effexor at the same time will also be seen badly. He is not bad like I said, he will probably not take those things personally. But I'm not at ease. However I will have done a correct test I think, of zyprexa. And the appointment is in 2 weeks, and effexor will be started and I will have finally done what he wants or almost (not the 2 at the same time). I'm afraid he consider this "done not correctly" but I will explain how I am...my hyper sensitivity, the fact that I can only see him one time per month and that at least I ask doctors and pharmacists. So I'm not so irresponsible. I did this with logic. It takes 4-7 days to work, I've done 14 to be certain, and there is not even a little amelioration except for food and sleeping. And if I really need something to boost an antidepressant, we can do it later. After all, the most important is the antidepressant.

What I'm trying to say is that I feel bad to stop it by myself. I feel like if those 2 weeks were for nothing. I know that it used to determine if it works or not, but I still feel bad about it. My brother thinks it was the right thing to do and to try effexor after a few days. I really hope that this time I will be able to tolerate and keep it.

[Door]

Are you able to see your regular doctor instead of a psychiatrist?  He seems to be more helpful.

I'm glad you are giving Effexor a try.  I wish you had a benzo to help you out for a few weeks.  Heck, I'd mail my extra Xanax to you if it weren't a felony, punishable with 25 years in prison.  In all my psych ward stays, I have not met one person Effexor has not helped.  I realize everyone is different and it may not work for you, but it has a high batting average.

You seem to have an objective view on your situation.  I am proud of you for accepting it for what it is and making the most of it.

[WiSp]

Thanks again Door. No I don't want anyone to risk anything for me. I still have 7 or 8 xanax you know. But I was hesitant to use it with zyprexa. Now that zyprexa is over, I will surely use them. Unfortunately they will stop to work after 3 times. My body work like this. It has been 2 weeks since the last time so they will work again but surely not for above 3 times. At least, it does this for 0.25mg and I never tried more xanax than this. I was even just taking half several years ago. Because it was enough. Today, even 0.25mg is not perfect. That's partly why I say that my anxiety is worse than never before.

This is done again. I swallowed effexor just 1h ago. I'm anxious like hell, I shake, I've always fingers in my mouth. This is the fourth day without zyprexa and I felt a withdrawal. I had insomnia and I'm really not the type to have this, even in the worst anxiety time. As long as I don't hyperventilate, this afternoon should be ok...but I know that effexor will bring some weird feelings, like all meds do. And what? That's why I hate those things. I don't fear the pain. I fear the feelings, the new ones, to never know if it's normal or not...

I was about to start effexor only tomorrow...but I'm already in great anxiety and I'm tired to fight. This have to finish one day, and effexor will take a long time to work (if I can tolerate it this long) and I have to start it now...

About the doctor, he said himself to don't want to interfere in the work on my psychiatrist. He doesn't want trouble. But he offered me paxil anyway, because I was still not on any antidepressant. But I remember long ago...on paxil or zoloft, I said "it works, but...I will never know if something else is better, for side effects and for the wanted result, if I don't try anything else". I think somehow I have to try a new thing.

[electracat]

Good for you, Wisp, for trying it! You're very brave, and you will be ok. Let us know how it goes.

[WiSp]

Thank you electracat. However I will need more courage now. Because of effexor I have only a few hours of sleep. One time I woke up and my heart was racing, it lasted for about 20min, but it was not a panic attack even if it was pretty disturbing. I don't feel myself. I'm scared. I took it again...but I really wonder how I will go through this. And anyway 37.5 is too much for a start, I'm hypersensitive and there is nothing under 37.5mg I hope the "don't feel myself" thing is supposed to go away with other side effects. It's the most scary of what is happening to me.

[Warbirdwf]

Thank you electracat. However I will need more courage now. Because of effexor I have only a few hours of sleep. One time I woke up and my heart was racing, it lasted for about 20min, but it was not a panic attack even if it was pretty disturbing. I don't feel myself. I'm scared. I took it again...but I really wonder how I will go through this. And anyway 37.5 is too much for a start, I'm hypersensitive and there is nothing under 37.5mg I hope the "don't feel myself" thing is supposed to go away with other side effects. It's the most scary of what is happening to me.

Hey Wisp,

You know that you're experiencing start up side effects. You challenge is to not blow them out of proportion while you start this med. Focus on how well this drug could help get you out of your anxiety state. Stay positive! Lord knows, if anyone is due some relief, it's you!
We are at opposite places. I discontinued Remeron after weaning down from 15mg for 10 days. I'm going thru some withdrawals and keep reminding myself that it might be a challenge for a few days but the end result will be worth it! You need to do the same.
Good luck and keep us posted.

[WiSp]

Warbird, I will try to not exagerate any symptoms. But the worse is surely anxiety and the thoughts. I'm depressed, I was not like this since 2 weeks I think. I don't know if it's effexor or that I know that it will take a while, living in this state, before an hypothetical positive change (sorry, to be positive is very hard right now).

I will try I will try. I know that there are the first days...I often myself helped other here saying, "hang on, the first days are the worse. It should be better after." But yes when you're into it it's less easy to say. After all I read on effexor, I'm waiting for other stuff and it doesn't help. Until now, no nausea (which I'm really surprised), no real headache. I've a lot of tummy action, and some sweating (not bad as zoloft was) and a stuffy nose. Impossible to know what this night will look like. Tomorrow there's a family meeting. Yes, really not the right time for me for this. I don't care about anything, and everything is horrible for my anxiety. There will be too much people, too much noise...I will take xanax! But it will work for only 3-4 hours. I would scream. You know, I'm just tired to fight! I do this all the time! I'm impressed how much the body can take!

Thank you for your support everyone. I will try to do what I can. I remember something a psychiatrist at ER told me: "antidepressants can ALL give anxiety at the start". At least I can't say the culprit is zyprexa and freak about it. I wonder why Door you said it was hard to get on effexor. I mean, what happened to be hard?

I will give news...

[WiSp]

I'm sorry, I can't do this. I have to forget about effexor. Last night, what happened was my ultimate fear and I'm happy to be sane enough now to talk about it. I woke up to go to the washroom, and in the same time my dream was continuing, stuck in a loop, and my mind was bound to it. I was thinking in a loop, like trapped in the dream, while I was awake in the washroom. It was impossible to think about something else. I had no hallucinations, but all my mental power was busy by this thing. My biggest fear, to lose control of my mind, was happening and now it was real. All this was with a huge nausea. It lasted for 5 to 10 minutes. The only thing similar to this in my life were nights with fever, when I was living the dream awake and stuck in a kind of loop too. I've not slept for hours, and thinking about what I will do. It is clear that effexor was planned to be raised later, at 150mg minimum. And even if this crazyness go away, it will happen again each time I will raise. The night panics on celexa were like this. They happened at each raise and each drop. And what happened this night, I don't want this again, never. I prefer to live with my anxiety all a day than a night like this. It was probably the most scarring experience of all my life. So I thought a lot about what to do now, and I decided to stop it. I will call my psychiatrist on monday and explain about effexor and zyprexa...I would like so much to return on zoloft, or something like zoloft. It was so easy to live on this...I'm terrorized. I will fear the next night. I hope effexor to go out of me really fast.

[Warbirdwf]

Sorry to hear you had such bad night! You sure it wasn't a panic attack? With the horrors you've had with meds and with your anxiety being so debilitating, have you considered checking into a hospital to see if they can get you stabilized on some meds to help? From what I understand, in a hospital environment, they can quickly get you up to medicinal doses quickly to make you stable and feel better.

[WiSp]

Of course there was a panic attack. But it was not only this. Yes I think often about hospital...but I fear those places. With stuff like what just happened, I may end up like this. But my opinion is that now I need something less rough and to start under the minimum. I knew that effexor was not a good idea anyway. I'm pretty sure that someone too sensitive to meds should not venture on the side of effexor. Zyprexa was mucher easier, that's why I was 2 weeks on it. Celexa was much easier too. Yes, night panics on celexa were similar, but not so strong and I was not feeling so confused.

I'm still going to washroom at every 30min like during all the night. I will need benzos. This is obvious. I have to face the family diner tonight, and that's why I don't take xanax right now. It will only work 3-4h. When I think back to zoloft, I know that my panic attacks were returning, but it was only this. My anxiety was not generalized like now. Wow, I really wonder what will happen to me next...It's saturday so impossible to contact my psychiatrist. I've read something on a site, a girl saying that on effexor she was afraid to sleep. She says she was feeling like if it was impossible to end the nightmares during the night. It sounds a bit like me. I was unable to escape this dream, even awake.

I simply need a med that will not raise anxiety like crazy, with tolerable side effects and no weird stuff like the last night. And benzos for god sake! I really need to talk with my psychiatrist. I hope that to stop effexor now, will not give weird stuff. I took it only for 2 days. I will never forget this experience...I'm still nauseous and sweating. It's hot and cold, every muscle are to tense...I hope to not be judged to stop so fast. This thing is really a beast. I really fear for my sanity on this. I hope to have some peace with xanax, soon.

[WiSp]

Xanax does a difference for now. I feel less overwhelmed. I took 0.25mg. I think I still have 7 xanaxs. They are afraid of people to abuse of those, so I got 15 only and it was in December. Hey...I got an idea. I will bring the pills to my psychiatrist next time, to show him when it was prescribed and how many I still have. It should convince him that I'm not the kind to abuse benzos.

I took it early before the dinner but I was really needing it...*sigh* even if not perfect, the difference is good. This is the craziest illness on earth, for sure. I was looking like a rabbit scared to death. My concentration is a bit better now. There is no doubt about effexor to boost my anxiety like hell. Whatever I try next I will need to start very low this time. *sigh again* a bit of peace is really good, even if it's a bit.

[WiSp]

You know, I was so normal one year ago and 3 months. When I moved in this big city...when I decided to live by myself. I was on zoloft 150mg. I was emotionless most of the time yes...but I was normal for everything else. Despite all the stress, the first time living alone, at 600km from my parents, the first time in apartment and first time in college...I was doing well for the first months. I was happy of how it was going. It was hard but anxiety was something forgotten. I was free, as most of the people are. I would like to live like this again...But because it's the first time that I'm at this level of anxiety, I feel somehow that I put the foot on a new frontier and that I can't go back. I know that anxious people think this usually. I try to think that I live in a kind of illusion for now. That things will change later. But I'm always worried to not reach this day.

[WiSp]

Xanax just worked a bit for 2h. It's pathetic. I'm so depressive that it scares me. And anxiety was so high yesterday, I think effexor is the worse thing for everything. I still have a strong nausea. I think zyprexa helped me a lot for depression. You remember when I posted here "somehow I accept what is happening". It was true. I forgot about depression and I think it was because of zyprexa. But I still don't know how if it was boosting anxiety. It was surely not helping. But this depression is scary much the same than anxiety itself. It's a kind of storm of thoughts about "nothing is fun, all is useless, I don't want things to function like this but I can't change them". It creates anxiety. It's like if beside anxiety, depression add some. Before, I had some stuff to get my mind busy, and having some fun. But now that the fun is gone, those activities are boring so my mind isn't busy anymore, and anxiety have all the place. It started right on the first day on effexor. I've seen very fast on the same day that things that I enjoy relatively, were now giving no fun at all. All was suddenly boring with no sense. You are not conscious how much depression can affect you when you are not into it. I've not cried since almost a month and now I want to. So I consider restarting zyprexa...I must call my psychiatrist monday and decide what to do. At least modify the next appointment date to be this week. You see why I'm scared of meds, you can fall deeper sometimes with them. Ah by the way...my sleep was normal this night. I was able to sleep now that I stopped effexor, and no more weird events. Upon waking up, anxiety was there, with the nausea. But at least I will not lack of sleep. Seriously can you imagine me on effexor? No sleep, horrific nights, depression, anxiety more powerful than before, nausea, sweating, cold and hot...And even supposing that this was temporary, maybe it was something of one week? 2? And each time I would have raised the dose, same scenario restarting? According to doctors, it would have been a minimum of 150mg for effexor to work, so to repeat this scenario 5 times minimum? No no no...I can't do this. And imagine the way back if I have to stop...This is crazy.

My old psychiatrist considered that any antidepressant could help. My new one say no. That my anxiety is too severe and that it needs aggressive stuff (i.e.: to work on serotonin is useless so you forget about a lot of standard antidepressants). He estimated the success chance of 25% for a standard antidepressant. But I'm hyper sensitive so how I can take aggressive stuff? At least I need something that can be cut in parts...They say psychiatry to not be something accurate, but they pretend to know exactly what can work and what can not.