I feel condemned...

[Bama21]

Haven't been on the site for awhile, but I just dropped by this board specifically to see what was up with you, WiSp.  Good to see you hanging in there and slowly getting better.

I almost just started a thread titled "What's up with WiSp"?  Then, I saw this one. 

[WiSp]

Ahahaha Bama. WiSp is still there yeah. It's not so easy recently. Anxiety is back somehow...like if klonopin doesn't work at its fullest like before. I don't really know what is happening. Maybe it's stopping to work? I was hesitant to post this because it's not really good and I posted a lot of bad news more than good news.

Also I will not attend the intensive therapy for now because I've still 2 college exams to do and the system allow only one per month. It would screw up the therapy. But after those exams I will have a lot of time.

I asked my psych AGAIN if what I have is only anxiety. I'm still wondering why I'm so scared of people and of life. But he said "generalized anxiety is the fear of everything." I guess I have to live with this for a while. It's not bad like it was. He explained to me that it was like pre psychosis symptoms because all of myself was breaking apart. Anxiety was tearing me to pieces.

Meds make me really sleepy. I could sleep all the time. This is another reason why I can't take the intensive therapy right now. It's a struggle to find a way to not be too much sedated and keep anxiety at a low level. I take:
Zoloft 175mg, Zyprexa 10mg, Klonopin 0.5 at each 12h I asked my psych if the way I am is the maximum of good that we can reach. He said no. Passing more time on a right dosage can make the situation better. Sometimes I feel like if I'm waiting forever to be normal again. This horror hit me one year ago now. I don't include the panic attacks that were on a regular basis since November 2008 because I was still ok at home.

I hope to end this thread one day, soon. To finally say "I'm normal now!". Ah and thanks for your concern Bama, Warbird and Door!

[Door]

I hope to end this thread one day, soon. To finally say "I'm normal now!". Ah and thanks for your concern Bama, Warbird and Door!

I hope so too.  I'll be thinking of you.  I'm leaving the forum.  It's time to move on.  I wish you the best.

[WiSp]

Ah I'm sad to see you leaving. But good luck Door! Thank you for all your support!

[Selah]

 Hi wisp I am very new here, Just joined yesterday. I am in my late 40s and I have had allot of anxiety in my life. My first panic attack was in 1st grade. Anyway, my heart goes out to you. One thing that really can help is therapist and intensive out patient to retrain your brain. Our brains get stuck on negative thoughts when we are young and it just seems to manisfest as we age. I am not saying you don't need meds. I am saying it seems like you really need to have some help learning how to think with out fear. its ok to have certain amount of fear in life that is normal, what ever that is. LOL Sometimes you just have to DO IT AFRAID. See if you can get help with your thought process. I think if you can find some help with that and be able to learn to think a little bit differantly you would be amazed at the courage you will gain. I take my medication with out fear. I know you can learn to lesson some of that fear also. Changeing the way you process things can change your life. Even if you just change a little. Knowing the correct thing to think and being able to change the negative thought, Is a miracle in it self. I wish you the best.. Hang in there and I pray you negative thinking will start to simmer down and in time slowly disipate.