Completly paranoid over mental disorder

[worriedguy90]

Posted this in Hypochondria but not sure if it goes there are here.
I really hate having anxiety over diseases. It is driving me nuts. I know that I do not have schizophrenia, but I still tried googling it and now I am trying to prove to myself that I don't by listening closely to the symptoms. If I did my school counselor would have recognized it already right? I know I should stop because if I keep on doing that I am going to mistake something normal to schizophrenia. I already thought talking to myself was one of them, I know that I should be trying my best to forget it so anyone have any good ideas or practices to help me not think about it? Whenever I try calming myself with peace and quiet, my anxiety always try to take over and make me believe I have schizophrenia by making me think of my name over and over again (Michael, Michael Michael...) as if I am hearing someone say it when I don't because its my own thoughts. I hope that made sense. I don't hear it auditory, and I know its my thoughts because when I stop thinking about it, it stops.

[Ulises]

Hey the same thing happens to me i looked it up on the internet and it got worse. I keep thinking that i may hear voices but i know i don't hear them and then i think im getting paranoid but i know im not because when i don't think about i don't feel it. We are going through the exact same thing trust me. I feel the anxiety through out the whole day and when i hear something out the normal i must make sure everyone heard it so don't think your the only one out there thinking about the same thing. Just the other day i thought i was becomong delusional but i noticed that im not because if i was i wouldn't be able to go out but i still go out and talk. Try to keep your mind busy with other things good things try not to read anymore about Schizophrenia. Also make this go to your mind all the time it helps me out a lot " CRAZY PEOPLE DON'T THERE CRAZY" that thought will help you out a lot.

[rkf3921]

hey,

i have the exact same problem. so far, i've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression, although i have reasonable suspicion to believe that it may be some form of bipolar disorder due to my mood swings. anyway, i've had a couple friends who are bipolar with psychotic features, one of which the doctors aren't sure is actually bipolar type 1 or schizoaffective. although much better off now, i am well aware of a lot of the terrifying experiences that they dealt with as a friend. i know in my heart that i haven't screwed myself up with drugs or don't have the history of mental diseases, but I am absolutely terrified that the GAD and depression that came up all of a sudden is leading up to something worse and i'm going to end up psychotic/schizophrenic. along with the other things that worry/depress me, it all builds up in sort of an internal panic attack in my head where i am terrified of losing my grip on reality until i break down crying. i can definitely sympathize with your worries; it's such a scary feeling. i still have trouble with this, but my advice would be...see if you can go to a doctor and talk to them about your anxiety. they may be able to help bring your worries down. also, think about how you've lived your life up until now and the world around you...everything surrounding you is still the same as it was before you were panicking, right? you recognize the problem, but now your overthinking it. you need to try to recall the reasons like that why it's highly unlikely you have a serious mental illness and convince yourself of that. i'm not great at it yet, but i've definitely improved a lot. also, the worst thing that you could do to yourself is looking at online info and symptoms of what your scared of. that makes you focus on it. even on here my anxiety gets triggered worrying about the mental issues i may have, so stay away from that if you can.

Hope this helps.

[Daisy131]

i can completely agree with each and every line. i just wanted to share. i didn't know there were others out there like me with this worry! actually...obsession. it's the reason i was diagnosed with OCD.

[Grandma]

Oh man - where to start.

This is a perfect example of the old saying "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing".

First - if you know that the "voices" are not really voices, then you are not hearing voices.  Plain and simple.

Second - depression, anxiety, etc. do not and can not "lead to" schizophrenia.

Third - a hallmark of schizophrenia is lack of insight into one's disease.  If you think you have it, you don't.  (Oversimplification but true.)

Fourth - if you had schizophrenia, the people around you would let you know that you were acting bizarrely, and I don't mean eccentric or weird - I mean bizarre.

Fifth - If you are working with a therapist, clinical social worker, psychologist, doctor, pcns, or any such person, then of course they would have spotted schizophrenia - this is not a subtle disease!

People do themselves harm when they pick one symptom of a disease that has multiple symptoms, especially when that symptom also has many other possible causes, misinterpret the symptom, apply it to themselves erroneously, and then conclude that they have, or work themselves into a panic fearing, the worst possible disease that that symptom could possible represent.

I understand the nature of irrational thinking - believe me, I do.  But at least get a few facts before you panic.  I do not mean this in a mean or belittling way.  I mean it as suggesting a valuable tool to reduce your HA.

I agree that people with HA should not google medical information.  However, I do not have HA.  (My main problem is disabling major depression.  This is mixed with moderate GAD and seasoned with a good dose of PTSD.)  I also have a master of social work degree, so I have been taught how to read and understand information about mental disorders.  I sure don't know everything, but I know how to find out about just about everything.   If you have questions, I will be glad to try to find some answers for you.  This will not be medical advice - it will just be the results of my research, and since I earned a 3.9 gpa in grad school, you can see that I am pretty good at research.

I know that I am being shamelessly boastful.  Please forgive me.  I feel like such a failure in almost every other aspect of my life.  Let me feel good about myself when I get the chance.

[Daisy131]

i appreciate your post grandma. it is all too easy to forget these things when you are in a moment of sheer panic.

[Sandra01]

Both of my parents were. I was taken away from them. Especially in the wake of Tuscons shooting I am thinking of what if I have it? I have been to therapists who don't believe I have it and told me that I dodged the bullet but I definitely see sometimes some paraneuia in me and while I think I might be OK. I keep thinking my kids could have it since it is somewhat heritary.

I don't hear voices but sometimes I am more afraid then others of things or more suspicious of things then others. I play random games with my kids and make jokes only my kids understand.

Sometimes I think maybe that is the onset. I am 38 years old. But as for now I try to do buisness as usual.

[Grandma]

Hi Sandra -

Please relax.  Nothing you have described even remotely begins to be anything like schizophrenia.

I repeat - not even remotely.

I am not a doctor, but I feel entirely safe in promising you that you do not have schizophrenia.

Love, Grandma

[Sandra01]

My paraneuia aka thoughts about certain things are often irrational.

If a police officer happens to be in the car behind you do you worry that he /she stops you for something?

If your coworker doesn't like you and you can't open one of the flippers would you think she sabotaged you or would think that is just a little problem?

I usually have to shrugg thoughts like that off for a moment.

[Grandma]

Hi Sandra -

First question, yes.  Second question, no.

The fact that you can shrug these thoughts off as irrational proves that you do not have paranoid schizophrenia.

Schizophrenics do not have paranoid thoughts that they know are irrational and that they can shake off.

They have paranoid delusions.  A delusion is an unshakable belief.  When someone has a delusion, there is absolutely no way to convince that person that the delusion is not real.  And their delusions are not run of the mill things like being pulled over by a police officer.

If you start believing that the police officer in the car behind you is part of a conspiracy by the entire police forces of the five surrounding towns, and that once he pulls you over he will kill you, or when you think that your coworker not only doesn't like you but is poisoning your lunch every day and is planning to wire your computer to explode, then you have a problem.

However, you will not recognize that you have a problem and if anyone tries to convince you that you do, you will know for certain that they are part of the conspiracy.

It is important to note that not all schizophrenics are paranoid.  The majority are gentle, frightened people caught in a world that they cannot understand and that cannot understand them.  They are overwhelmingly more likely to be the victims of wrong doing than the wrong doers.  I described schizophrenic paranoia because paranoid thoughts are what seem to be worrying you.

The typical age of onset of schizophrenia is late teens to early twenties, so that is one more reason to believe that you do not have this illness.

Now please try do relax.  You have still not described anything even remotely sounding like schizophrenia.  You sound more like a person whose eyelid twitches a few times and is convinced that they have ALS.  You are very good at reassuring people with that sort of fear.  Please be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

Love, Grandma

[Sandra01]

Thanks Grandma.

[nowhereboy]

really sorry to bring up an old post. I am going through this exact same thing at the minute. Its awfull, im always looking for a sign ive lost my mind. Which in turn makes me feel like i already have. Ive been off and on like this for months. Id love to hear from anyone in this thread 

[Daisy131]

i think it's important to keep the thread alive, but not the fear.

i go through this everyday still. no matter how much reassurance i get from people, i'm still convinced i am going to "lose it" any second. it has held me back from so much in my life.

[peepo23]

i think it's important to keep the thread alive, but not the fear.

i go through this everyday still. no matter how much reassurance i get from people, i'm still convinced i am going to "lose it" any second. it has held me back from so much in my life.

To stop the thoughts, you have to let the thoughts in and don't suppress them. In other words, if you feel the 'spike' of a thought (i.e. 'did I just hear voices?'), take a few seconds, let the thought be in your mind and relax. There is much psychological evidence that the process of 'non-suppression' is highly effective at reducing the strength of unwanted thoughts over the long term. If you suppress unwanted, scary thoughts, it helps in the short-term but the evidence shows that thought suppression causes the thought to come back later and with greater force. This process, over and over again, can lead to an obsession.

For more on this, read: White bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts: Suppression, Obsession and the Psychology of Mental Control by Daniel M. Wegner.

[spitfireatme]

Doesn't sound like schizophrenia. When you THINK, you use memory of things you've experienced with your senses. Having an internal dialogue is not at all a mental illness. Your "imagination" can sometimes just activate memory at random (thoughts just "pop" into your heard). Even totally "normal" people get thoughts that are hard to get rid of (catchy songs that "stick" in your heard). It sounds like maybe you're just "freaking" yourself out by trying to not do something you're doing. It's like trying to "not think of a pink elephant" - and then you do, and you get distressed. If you're familiar with "the game", it's the same concept, it's like a "mind virus", as the website describes it as! (http://www.losethegame.com/)

[maizie]

hi i'm maizie i have schizophrenia its nothing to be afraid of :)

[michael198]

hi

i have just posted here, http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,67160.0.html

but this topic cant of relates to me, and having read all the above about what grandma said i now have that swirling round my mind. Im just scared incase its something else HELP!