Help am so desperate, so so desperate

[emma_lou]

I am on 3 different meds for post natal depression, health anxiety and pure obsessional disorder.

I am getting so desperate.  I have constant bad thoughts, constant powerful compulsions.  I sit here shaking from the seeming irristable urge to throw myself down the stairs

There are just too many thoughts. I have 3 kids to look after. I feel powerless, helpless and on the verge of panic constantly.

Even though I try to tell myself "they are only thoughts", the images are harder to deal with

I feel sick

I called the mental health crisis team today.

I am a wreck

[FeelingOptimistic]

Hello Emma Lou,

What did the Crisis Team recommend? What is your support system?  You sound so desperate right now- is there someone you can call right now who can come and help you out?

I want to be helpful but don't quite know what to say.  I will look you up on your profile.  Hang in there!

Feeling Optimistic

[tigerpaw]

Emma come into the chat room...............

[kjohop]

I had post partum issues as well.. urges to put my daughter in the dishwasher.. or to put a knife in my thigh... 
I hope you are talking to someone now.. support is the best. CBT and exposure therapy worked best for me as did the passing of time to straighten out some of the hormones.
My OB told me once that post partum.. it is almost like our mommy brains are so wired to protect ourselves and protect our young that sometimes that wiring can misfire a bit or be too intense.. the people that have intrusive thoughts are actually the LEAST likely to do anything to harm themselves or anyone else. It is much like when sitting in class in HS.. I can remember obsessively thinking what if I screamed right now.. but that thinking process is actually what would make me the least likely person to scream in class for no reason..
I used to think of it this way... I so desperately want my daughter to have a healthy mother and be healthy herself that my obsessive mind is going to make me think these awful things as a way of preventing them from actually happening.
Hope that helps a little? FYI.. I do not get any of those thoughts anymore and my friends who used to get them.. they don't either.
Hang in there.