Depressed and anxious

[lonely1]

I am new to the forum. Have been suffering from depression for over 10 years. I have been o.k. for the past couple of years and now I am back to feeling down. Just wanted to connect with others. I also wanted to ask if anyone has holes in their memory from their anxiety or depression. I have noticed that I am so worried about how I appear to others in public that I am so focused on myself, that I don't really take in what is going on around me---- therefore I have huge holes in my memory. Anyone else out there experience this?

[Sally Dammerung]

Hey lonely1, welcome.  While I don't have huge holes in my memory, I do lose hours, days, weeks, it depends.  I find this occurs whether I'm in a healthy way of being or not.  I'm not sure if this is a typical phenomenon or not, but yeah.  So stick around.  Do you have a professional that you can see as well?

[lonely1]

Thank you for responding Sally. I do see a psychologist when I feel the need and I am on meds, but not under the care of a psychiatrist. My primary care provides my meds for me. I was thinking that maybe part of the memory loss is from the meds so I will ask her and see what she says. I just feel really bothered that I can't recall things. My husband will mention things that we have done or places we have gone and I just really have to search my memory to remember and sometimes I just can't. Do you find yourself really focused on yourself and how you appear to others.? I do that alot and I think that it takes me away from being in the moment and that is why I don't remember things. I am very self concious and don't ever feel like I really ever have sheer fun. It's like I hold myself back like having fun and just being me is a bad thing. Hope you are well, and thanks again for your reply. Sometimes, I feel really alone, but now I know I'm not.

[31jewelly]

Hi!  I'm new and I've dealt with chronic depression for a long time and have been through many emotions.  I also have lapses of memory at times but my medication has lessoned the intensity. Although I still have lapses they are not  to the extent as before.  Now I try to live with these lapses and work around them.  I tell my coworkers to give me sometime to find things on my own.  The people that I work with just think that I am funny.  I do my best to keep stress levels down and recently, I went back to school for my masters.  This is really a challenge to concentrate and stay awake but I am doing well at the university.  I try to use lists, calendars, etc. to stay updated because of these lapses of memory.  I try to always park in a certain area so that I won't forget where I parked my car.  These syptoms are problematic, however, I'm glad I'm not alone with these feelings.  I hope you know that others have been or going through the same thing.  31jewelly

[Sally Dammerung]

Lonely1, I sort of do that- basically, I overcompensate when out amongst people, and then when I get home, I think "damn it, I was so fsking obnoxious, why was I like that?" and over-analyze everything I did and said and usually avoid whoever I encountered while out (of course, I am OCD, and my depression is sort of an offshoot of that). 

[midnighttrain]

Have you considered looking into CBT?

[Mr_Anxiety]

Somtimes I feel really disconnected with everyone and really alone. How do you guys approach this problem? I wish I could form relationships with people and make friends like normal people instead of being a loaner. I never actually hang out with my "friends" I just say hello to them when I see them around campus, so I'm always eating alone or doing everything by myself. This just makes me feel really bad. What do you suggest for low self-esteem and what should I do to form connections?