Fear of heart failure - my story

[ethan]

Hey everyone. I am a 23 year old male who was extremely healthy. I also have no history of any diseases in my family. I am in shape. About three months ago, I started getting chest pains and shortness of breath. At first I thought noting of it. Then I did something terrible. I started searching for my symptoms online. The first result on my first search brought up “Heart Failure”. Then I started looking for more information on heart failure and linking what I found to my symptoms. My symptoms included chest pain, heart palpitations, pounding heart, shortness of breath, fatigue, dizziness and muscle fasciculations (twitches). At that same time, my lower foot swelled up because a piece of furniture fell on it. But I convinced myself that the swelling was in-fact edema caused by heart failure ant not caused by the piece of furniture.

At this point, I started freaking out. I was completely convinced I had heart failure. I even sent an email to my loved ones saying I may die soon. Then one Sunday morning my chest pains got really bad and my heart started pounding like it was going to explode. I got scared and asked my brother to take me to the ER. They did an EKG, blood tests, X-ray and a physical exam to look for signs of heart failure. The doctor said I am 100% healthy and have nothing to worry about. He also said I am extremely low risk for heart disease. Therefore, it would be unlikely for me to develop heart problems. I want to point out that this is of the top health systems in the country so the docs there know what they are talking about.

Afterwards, I was discharged with a diagnosis of “Non-cardiac chest pains”. I came home feeling good. But the next morning, I started doubting what the doctor said. Then I went back online and spend the whole day looking up information on heart failure. I found tons of documents to assist me in self-diagnosis. Based on my self-diagnosis, I convinced myself that I test positive for all the symptoms of heart failure. At this point, I was in a terrible state of mind. I even cried for a few hours. And trust me crying is extremely uncommon for me. I think this was the first time I cried in my adult life.

I am a busy professional with an extremely active life. Tons of people rely on me for many things. But when I convinced myself I have heart failure, I could not focus on anything except my “condition”. I started telling my friends I have heart failure again and that I may die soon. How bizarre!

I then made an appointment with a cardiologist. He did tests and told me I have absolutely nothing wrong with my heart. I asked him "If there is nothing wrong with my heart, why do I have all these symptoms?" These symptoms were real. They felt real. When my heart started pounding or my chest started hurting, it was real. When I got short of breath climbing stairs, it was real. So I did not want to hear the words “you are fine”. I went to the cardiologist prepared to hear “your heart is failing and you are dying”. He tried to assure me I am fine. But it did not do much to help.

I came home and like an addict, went back online to get my high from finding out more information on heart failure. I then started looking up information on artificial hearts because I was convinced I may eventually need one as a bridge to transplant. I also contacted my insurance company to verify their policy on organ transplants. The lady on the phone must have thought I was crazy. Its amazing how your mind manifests symptoms you read and hear about. My symptoms were so specific to heart failure that there was no doubt in my mind what so ever that I had heart failure.

Once I was completely convinced I have heart failure, I started living what was essentially a lie. I stayed away from stairs, sex, running and anything else that could potentially pressure my heart. I then started taking suggestions from websites that give advice on living with heart failure. I lowered my salt intake, slept using three pillows to help me breath, checked my weight daily to check for fluid buildup, checked my feet daily for signs of swelling, and listened to my pulse daily. I even went on a vegetable only diet!

This went on for about a month. I knew what I was doing was irrational but I could not help it. Once your mind gets fixated on something, it doesn’t let it go easily. I finally decided to make another appointment with a reputable doctor. I heard a lot of good things about him so I went to see him. I told him about all my symptoms. He asked me what I think I have. I said heart failure. He told me based on my previous test results, I could live to be 100 because I am in amazing health. I came home and felt good again for only about a day after being told I am okay. But then resumed thinking I have heart failure.

At this point, I am starting to get a little better. Although the thought and anxiety over the disease is starting to calm down, I still feel like I have heart failure. But I have started running a mile almost every other day and try to stay active to prove to myself that I am okay. I lately started developing a fear of ALS and MS also because of my muscle twitches. This all sounds so crazy.

Hypochondria is a horrible thing to go through. Others start looking at us like we are crazy people. Doctors stop believing us. Family and friends start doubting us. It's hard. Very hard. But I know I will get through this. We all will get through this.

So I just wanted to share my story with everyone. I hope we can all get through this pain and anxiety because life is too precious to let it fly by. We have to enjoy our lives.

Ethan

[emy]

Hi Ethan, I enjoyed reading your story- not the suffering part, but just that you do have a side to you which sees how irrational this disease obsession is, which is a good sign.  I personally think that this is a life long tendancy we have, and we will "probably" always deal with it.  So we need to accept that, and learn how to cope with it through counselling, therapy, talking with others, reading self help books on health anxiety, etc..  I have had long periods of remission of this disorder, but am prone to relapse when experiencing too much stress, emotional or physical.  There is good and bad stress in life, and too much of either one can trigger it.  Think of yourself as a container, and things in life happen to you, good or bad, and your container gets full.  At some point, you have spill-over.  We all have different threshhold points, and need to know ours.  The culture we live in is so fast paced, we dont take proper care of our bodies, and push ourselves so hard.  I think your initial episode was a panic attack, and you probably didnt know what that was, so assumed it was heart failure, and that stuck in your head.  When I had my first panic attack, I thought I was having heart failure too, and did the whole cardiovascular workup, which in fact revealed I have some mitral valve prolapse.  There were days when I felt I couldnt walk because it was too hard on my then 24 year old body.  My chest would feel so heeaavvvyyyyy.  Now I think maybe I was not breathing deeply enough, or my chest muscles were tightening to cause ths feeling.  I am not suprsised you are starting to think about other diseases now, this is textbook!   It will get better as you discover ways to deal with it, and come to peace with it and see it for what it is.   Hang in there!

[gloomy]

Ethan dont despair you are not on your own.  Googling symptoms and self diagnosis are a big no no you are not a doctor and most of the infor on the web is not accurate anyway.  I am a hypochondriac and have gone through the heart attack/disease episode I am now back on Cancer any kind it doesnt matter I always have at least 3 serious conditions at any one time.  I check my pulse and temperature repeatedly and all my lymph nodes so between all that and trying to exist my days get pretty full.  Welcome to the site there are some great people here.

[jerseygirl]

Emy - how does MVP make your chest feel? When I went to the cardiologist, he told me that I could have that, although the tests were inconclusive. Still, since I still feel palpitations and just general weird sensations in my heart area, I sometimes still think I have a serious heart arrhythmia, even though I've gotten better at coping with my fears. So I"m just wondering if the weird sensations, and palpiatations, and tightness could be associated with MVP.

[abinormal]

jersey girl,

i also have mvp and those are the main symptoms.  did you have an echocardiogram (sp)?  that is how mine was diagnosed.  the best thing about mvp is that anxiety makes it worse!  i was just diagnosed with mvp and was so relieved because it explained so much.  apparently it is pretty common. 

but most importantly, you symptoms definitely sound like mvp.  google it...it's safe!

-abbie

[ethan]

Thanks emy and gloomy. Yea I agree that searching on the web for symptoms is the worst thing we can do. Its crazy how I now think I have all sorts of chronic illnesses. And my mind somehow fixates on the ones that have no cure and are hard to diagnose. Illnesses such as ALS, MS, brain cancer, etc run through my mind along with my primary fear of heart failure now. It really sucks. And I almost have to hide my feelings from everyone because I was always considered the strong level-headed successful one amongst my peers. So I worry that people will start hating me if I start admitting my fear of these deseases.

But you know what - I will fight this. This hypochondria is not going to take over my life. I will NOT let it! I have too much to look forward to. I have to travel the world. I have to marry a beautiful girl. I have to help millions of people with the money I make. I will fight this thing. And will win! I am at war with my mind and plan to win! I have never given up on anything in my life. And I always dream large and achieve my goals. So I will not let this fear of diseases defeat me!

Hi jerseygirl I wanted to let you know that the symptoms you mentioned are fairly similar to mine. So dont worry. You do not have serious arrhythmia. Cardiologists have a way of saying you could have a condition when they can see nothing wrong. If a patient walks in with symptoms, any specialist will defionitely find something wrong. The human body is not perfect. Nor will it ever be. There are literally millions of things that go on in our bodies at any one time. So do not think about an uncertain diagnosis. MVP is for the most part harmless. And it does not cause any kind of change in lifestyle. And it is also not a risk for heart disease. So even if you have MVP - which you most likely do not - its nothing to worry about. :-)

[jerseygirl]

Thanks, guys. I've been a little bit more nervous the last few days, after a few good weeks. I think the symptoms, plus my anxiety get worse around my time of month.

Abi - I did have an echo. He said that it looked like it could be MVP, but that sometimes in young people it isn't pronounced enough to really tell, so he told me to come back in three years. I know that MVP isn't that dangerous, so I'm not terribly worried about it, assuming that is what I have. My mother also has a heart murmur (not serious), so it isn't that unlikely that I have some benign heart condition. Even most arrythmias aren't dangerous. Of course, being a hypochondriac, I assume I am one of the unlucky few with the deadly condition!

Ethan: Thanks for your post, and I really admire your strenght. I'm also committed to fighting this. I can also relate to the experience of starting with heart anxiety and then moving to other fears - I've gone through brain tumor, lymphoma, slight MS fears, throat cancer, blod clots, stroke - almost all the common ones. For now, I'm pretty much over the others; the heart is much more persistent. But we will get through this - and cope as well as we can until we do!

The one thing I will recommend to all of you is a vitamin B complex. It is natural, has no health risks, and seems to be succeeding in at least minimizing my fears. I've been having more good days, and even the anxiety days aren't as crippling as they've been. I take 2 pills a day.