Realization of hypochondria from PTSD

[dizzyjune]

Hi everyone.  I've been on anxietyzone for a couple of months and have spent my time in the hypochondria section, but this morning when I logged in, I noticed the link for PTSD and it suddenly occurred to me that I think my hypochondria is being triggered by a couple of things that happened this year.  First, my sister-in-law suffered a brainstem stroke after a minor auto accident... she was in a coma (although many of us believed her to be in "locked-in syndrome") for five months.  Her husband and parents (my in-laws) decided very early-on to remove her feeding tube, which was the only life support she needed.  The whole thing, from her initial stroke through battling their decision and feeling so helpless in our effort to save her life (or at least win her more time and some REAL effort in helping her improve), to her passing in such a horrible way... obviously I'm going to walk away from that with a load of grief and fear and anger... what I seem to be focusing on in the fear.  The fact that she was so healthy and it was so sudden.... that she was lying there suffering in such a way... that my daughters lost someone dear to them; someone who was a young mother, and I don't want them to ever know the loss their cousins will feel... it's left me a bit paranoid over my health.  On top of that, I've had some inner ear trouble and sinus infection that have caused frequent dizziness... and since her last spoken symptom before the stroke was dizziness, of course I would be a bit freaked out.

I was actually starting to do a bit better a few months after she passed away, but then a friend from high school who was pregnant died of complications from h1n1.  I found out later that she had been given an antibiotic and she didn't take it... but the whole thing took me back to square 1 (or maybe beyond) with my battle. 

I realize I have inherited my anxiety problems, and this has been dormant... brought to the surface by traumatic events this year.  I fear that I won't get "though" it... that I'll have to live this way forever and never feel "normal" again.  Never feel good again or strong or healthy.  The thing is, this year has sure made me realize just how precious each day is... how every moment is a gift that should not be taken for granted.  But I'm so caught up in fear right now that I feel like I'm only half living... half functioning and half enjoying life.  So much effort has to be put into pretending to be okay.  And I'm so tired all the time from the emotional war that's going on inside me.

I just want to feel good again... to enjoy this life.  I know I should probably talk to a doctor about it, but I know they'll give me an antidepressant, and I don't trust drugs so much.  I'd like to treat it naturally... I started taking a multivitamin that has stress support supplements... hard to tell whether it's helping, though. 

Anyway, that's my story.  I'm all ears.  :)

[trizz391]

Hey there,

I am in a position very, very similar to yours right now.  It's so hard for me to talk or write about it, so sorry if this is brief.

I suffer from PTSD after a car accident that happened two years ago.  This winter has been hard for me because I am going through a lot of stress and changes, but over the spring/summer I was able to really finally let go and enjoy myself.  I find that as the weather is warmer and I spend more time outside, this all gets easier to deal with.  Being out and about helps a bunch, too.  Exercise, don't isolate yourself, and challenge your fears!  I overcame my fear of driving by pushing myself and putting myself into new situations.

Good luck, and keep on trucking!  You are not alone, and this is not permanent.  Feel free to PM me anytime.

[weesa]

I'm a new member, and I'm not sure how helpful this will be, as I've just started treatment for PTSD.

The causes for my anxiety are different from yours - but my anxiety cycles were causing worry about my health, to the point where ever little thing was "something", and I began looking on google for symptoms, and trying to self-diagnose, often convinced I had something horribly wrong with me.

A therapist suggested short 5-10 minute meditation and conscious breathing exercises, which I tried and found helpful. I was able to control my anxiety attacks, and stop the "what if" cycles. As well, I found that some chronic low-level pain I was having went away with meditation, which makes me wonder if that pain was actually caused by my anxiety.

When meditation was first suggest, I laughed, thinking it wasn't my thing, but honestly, it did help.

You're right - every day is precious and a gift.

LJ

Hi everyone.  I've been on anxietyzone for a couple of months and have spent my time in the hypochondria section, but this morning when I logged in, I noticed the link for PTSD and it suddenly occurred to me that I think my hypochondria is being triggered by a couple of things that happened this year.  First, my sister-in-law suffered a brainstem stroke after a minor auto accident... she was in a coma (although many of us believed her to be in "locked-in syndrome") for five months.  Her husband and parents (my in-laws) decided very early-on to remove her feeding tube, which was the only life support she needed.  The whole thing, from her initial stroke through battling their decision and feeling so helpless in our effort to save her life (or at least win her more time and some REAL effort in helping her improve), to her passing in such a horrible way... obviously I'm going to walk away from that with a load of grief and fear and anger... what I seem to be focusing on in the fear.  The fact that she was so healthy and it was so sudden.... that she was lying there suffering in such a way... that my daughters lost someone dear to them; someone who was a young mother, and I don't want them to ever know the loss their cousins will feel... it's left me a bit paranoid over my health.  On top of that, I've had some inner ear trouble and sinus infection that have caused frequent dizziness... and since her last spoken symptom before the stroke was dizziness, of course I would be a bit freaked out.

I was actually starting to do a bit better a few months after she passed away, but then a friend from high school who was pregnant died of complications from h1n1.  I found out later that she had been given an antibiotic and she didn't take it... but the whole thing took me back to square 1 (or maybe beyond) with my battle. 

I realize I have inherited my anxiety problems, and this has been dormant... brought to the surface by traumatic events this year.  I fear that I won't get "though" it... that I'll have to live this way forever and never feel "normal" again.  Never feel good again or strong or healthy.  The thing is, this year has sure made me realize just how precious each day is... how every moment is a gift that should not be taken for granted.  But I'm so caught up in fear right now that I feel like I'm only half living... half functioning and half enjoying life.  So much effort has to be put into pretending to be okay.  And I'm so tired all the time from the emotional war that's going on inside me.

I just want to feel good again... to enjoy this life.  I know I should probably talk to a doctor about it, but I know they'll give me an antidepressant, and I don't trust drugs so much.  I'd like to treat it naturally... I started taking a multivitamin that has stress support supplements... hard to tell whether it's helping, though. 

Anyway, that's my story.  I'm all ears.  :)

[dizzyjune]

Thank you for your replies.  I haven't checked the site in awhile... should have because it's been a rough few months.  I'll have to give meditation a try.  Praying usually helps, maybe because I'm talking openly about what I'm feeling, and maybe because I always make sure I pray for someone besides myself... so maybe taking the focus off of "me" and realizing I don't have NEARLY the problems that some are dealing with.

A few weeks after I posted, I went in for my first mammogram.  Wasn't so bad, but then they called me to come for a recheck.  Well, away went my imagination.  It helped a lot that my mom has been through this, also completely understands the anxiety thing, and she talked me through a lot. That, and SO many women said that rechecks, even biopsies, do not mean something is wrong.  So I made it through the recheck.  But then the results took 15 DAYS!!!  That's a very long time for someone like me.  They finally called and said I needed a biopsy... long story short, they ended up not doing one because the radiologist said there was nothing to check -- that what the other office thought they saw was just the normal structure of the breast tissue.  A little voice still creeps up sometimes and whispers, "What if he was wrong?"  but for now I'm just waiting until the follow-up ultrasound in a few months. 

So when I started doing better -- much better -- enjoying this blessing of life that I have... that situation came up and got it all stirred up again.  And through that, now I'm having what feels like little heart flutters.  I am 90% sure they're anxiety-related but I think I need to go get checked out to be sure.  If they can tell me my heart is fine, then I suspect the flutters will go away.  But it has been going on for 6-8 weeks now, so I don't want to just blow it off.  Anybody have something similar?  It's like my chest feels tight -- like the fight-or-flight kind of muscle contracting tight when something scares you, and then a flutter and it's gone.  It's definitely worse when I'm thinking about health issues or anything else stressful in my life.  But because my maternal grandmother and my paternal grandfather both had heart attacks at a pretty young age, I think I should pay attention to it. 

Anyhoo, don't want to turn this into a novel.  Mostly wanted to thank you for the replies.  :)

DizzyJ

[dwcp]

That is exactly what happened to me.

I got hypochondria which was brought on by a couple dramatic events and have been obsessed with my health ever since.


What works for me is being with friends and family. What gets me is being at work. Because I worked a job that was fast paced. And so it brought on my obsession with my heart.

[Tori2103]

I definitely can relate to what you are going through.

I was in a rollover car accident in 2007. It was raining really hard and I hit standing water on the highway. I lost control of my car and it hit the median and flipped over. It landed upside down. I was alright, but in shock. They took me by ambulance to the hospital and took x-rays and looked me over. I was lucky. The only thing wrong was my arm was cut up pretty bad, I now have permanent nerve damage on my leg (a circle region about 5 inches in diameter where I can't feel anything), and now I am plagued with panic attacks, hypochondria and every day anxiety.

Since that day I have been almost obsessed with my health. I worry about death. I worry that the people I love are going to be taken from me because of death. I fear almost daily that my boyfriend is going to die. All of this because of a car accident that I ended up walking away from? I don't understand why all of this would happen because of that.

Now I also have been through a lot in the last couple of years. In May 2007, I had the accident. In July 2007 my childhood dog died. That was extremely painful. Two weeks after that I was married. Less than two years after that I am now separated and with another man. That part actually turned out for the best because my ex-husband turned out to be a real jerk after we got married. The man I am with now is my angel, my rock. I don't know how I got through what I did without him.

Anyway, I am not sure what to do now. I am scared a lot of the time. I worry about dying, I worry about others dying. I constantly have these catastrophic thoughts going through my head. It makes my life a living hell sometimes. I just want it to go back to the way it used to be. I want to feel normal again.