DEPRESSION IS GOOD!

[PEACEMAN]

THIS IS PRETTY WAY OUT THERE I KNOW BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT THIS ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION  IS A BLESSING AND NOT A CURSE.
I PRAY EVERYDAY FOR IT TO GO WHEN ITS REALLY BAD AND I FEEL PHYSICALLY SICK AND MY CHEST HURTS BUT WHEN THE FIRES DIE DOWN AGAIN I KIND OF SEE IT AS A FORCE FIELD AORUND ME PROTECTING ME FROM OUTSIDE LIFE, OR A GIFT OF HEIGHTENED PERCEPTION OR INTROSPECTION THAT MOST DONT GET IN  LIFE. I FEEL IT ENABLES ME TO SEE THE WORLD IN A MUCH MORE INTENSE WAY WHICH CAN BE EXTREMELY GOOD SOMETIMES AND OTHERS HORRIBLE.
I HAVE WRITTEN AND RECORDED MY OWN SONGS FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS AND I KNOW THAT MY ILLNESS HAS ALOUD ME TO CREATE SOME TRULY GREAT STUFF OVER THOSE YEARS, SONGS THAT HAVE ALWAYS SEEMED TO TOUCH PEOPLE. OF THIS I AM VERY PROUD AND IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.
MY DEPRESSION HAS MADE ME FEEL AND THINK ABOUT LIFE IN A WAY I HOPE I NEVER LOSE TOUCH WITH.
SOMETIMES I FEEL ITS JUST ME BUT I KNOW IT CANT BE. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM ANYONE ELSE WHO FEELS OR UNDERSTANDS ANY OF THIS.
PEACEMAN X

[itsmeesindee]

Peaceman,

I too have thought about why I was "blessed" with anxiety and have realized that it maybe so that I can help others who have the same issues.  I really like helping people and this has given me a way to do it.  But you are right it does have it downside when it get really bad.  But as they say whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger lol.

Cin

[pinky5]

Peaceman,

You're not alone in this way of thinking. I have heard other people here describe how their anxiety drives their ambition, creativity etc.  I used to feel like if I didn't have my anxiety what would drive me? I thought I needed my anger and aggression to move me through life. I was used to living in such a frantic, dramatic way that I didn't know how else to be. I didn't know who or what I would be without it. It didn't seem to me that there would be much left if you took away all my anxiety and the behaviors and bad habits that went with it. I didn't know how to interact with people in a calm assertive way at all. Either I was putting myself out and bending over backwards for people and then resenting it, or raging against people and events to an extreme degree.

If you take away the anxiety, you will still be the same person, just a mellower version. You will still be creative, it you are creative now. It will just be a little different, but that is just growth. People are supposed to change over time, and you can't hang on to who you used to be, no matter how hard you try. You just have to let go and believe that what comes next will be great too. You have to trust in yourself and allow yourself to change, it will be OK. The peace that you get from lessening your anxiety will be worth it.

This might sound a little strange to you, but you really could be a completely different person if you choose to be. You could do something like take a big plate of cookies into work with a card attached that says "Merry Christmas everyone! from Peaceman"
Try doing the complete opposite of what you would normally do and watch the results. You will be amazed, and so will everyone else. Surprise people, it's fun.

This last paragraph might belong in your other thread, but I have already posted there.

Rachel

[GMan86]

Peaceman,

You are totally right on. I also see my depression/anxiety as a blessing in disguise. I have this great motivation and passion to do great things in life. It's like I have some internal motivation to be great. I can't explain the feeling, but its there. I am sure this has to do with me always feeling insecure as a child, and wanting to prove to everybody that I can be something extaordinary in life. Not many people have this and I realize this now. I take it as a gift from God. I look at it this way, once I beat this depression/anxiety disorder, I am still left with my great desire and passion to be great. It IS a GIFT.

[NightOwl]

If I knew 100% I would somehow come out of it each time, I would fel it pretty good too, because even during this whole mess I know I have learned more than most people let a relationship or a problem teach them.  If you dont let things bother you, you keep repeating the same mistakes more often, I would think.