Loner

[AnxiousGuy86]

This really embarrassing but I'm hoping that someone can tell me from experience what i should do or what you have done to overcome this obstacle.

Since my depression and Anxiety diagnoses in June of 07,Ive basically become a loner,for several reasons that won't go into great detail about ,don't want to make a novel here.Basically right now I've found the right doctor and right medications to help deal with the anxiety and depression issues,but since I've withdrew socially ,i feel like I'm an alien.

I just recently started a 0409 account,but its presented some obstacles,because I've been so withdrawn ,i don't want to go on it often because its depressing to me,and alot of people from the past that i didn't want to come in contact with are back.

I just want to be social again,have friends ,fall in love again,all that life has to offer.i think I'm a pretty good guy,not perfect,but who is?


I guess i just want to know if anyone can relate and maybe some words of wisdom .

Thanks for Reading my post

Peace and Love

[tigerpaw]

Well i get what your saying. I would start hanging around easy people like family, like relatives etc. As you are possibly more comfortable with them. Then through their friends you can start to branch out. Going places in large numbers is always a good idea. Let us know how that works.

[AnxiousGuy86]

Thanks for your reply,I'm going to try and go to a bar with a buddy this Saturday to watch the UFC Event.If i don't take a chance then I'll never get better.I'll post  if i go and tell you how it went.

[tigerpaw]

Awesome this sounds like a good start!!

[AnxiousGuy86]

well i flaked out,not exactly but i did not go to the bar tonight.i was really busy today,my dad has cancer so I've been doing all the thing s that need to be done,so by the time i was done i was too tired to stay at a bar till 1 am and also with no money

But i made plans to hang with my buddy this coming week SO at least it's something




"a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step"


Peace and Love to ALL

AG

[bearpaw23]

I'm proud:)
These might seem like little steps, but they are actually really big. I think that the key thing is that you WANT  to start going out again.  It is definitely a lot safer to hide out at home and not have to worry about going through the anxious feelings that come as a result of feeling awkward and insufficient and somehow inferior to everyone that is around you.  Personally a bar seems like a really HUGE deal, and I think you are really brave for even having considered that! Maybe try something like a movie? I find it helps because you get to sit in the dark, so it is easier to relax..and plus you can be fairly certain that NO ONE will be staring because they will be focused on the screen and whatever is happening in the movie.  You can ease into it...you don't have to run the marathon right away, maybe you can just start training a little bit each day and eventually work your way up to it?

You mentioned having a 0409 account...if all it does is make you feel down and sad about who you are, ditch it. You don't need that. You've already been through enough, don't you think??

And one last thing, just remember: you don't HAVE to do anything that you don't feel like doing.  I understand that you want to get out there, meet people, and become more social...but if something will bring you more anxiety than pleasure, you don't have to do it.  That's not to say that you shouldn't face the things you are afraid of, because obviously you know that your recovery will require you to step outside of your comfort zone...but it shouldn't be torture.  Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Take time to look at all the good things you have done, and try not to focus on the opportunities you might have missed or you will get really discouraged.

I'm sorry I've been writing for a while...but I sincerely hope this helps.  Keep us posted!

[AnxiousGuy86]

Thanks

Your absolutely right,i don't need to run a marathon,i haven't even out on my shoes yet
I was feeling pretty low about not going through with going to the bar.I didn't think of it as being a little too ambitious but in Heine sight i can see how it might of been

the movie idea is a good one,i think that would be alot better then going to a bar for the time being.

the depressing  thing about 0409 is that i see my friends out enjoying life,having fun at clubs and those sorts of activities,and i  soo desperately want to be that person,I'm not much for the club scene but you get what i mean? I've met some cool people on this site and i really can just use 0276 to talk to them,0276 Is not depressing and I'm able to talk to people that share this common struggle.



Thank you for taking the time too type out a well thought message and your suggestions and observations are great!! i appreciate it 

I also couldn't help but take a look at your profile,your a fellow Canadian so don't be a stranger ,and thank you again, your post makes me feel a whole lot better


Take Care

[bearpaw23]

Hey anxiousguy,

I am glad I could help, if even in a small way:)
Just one more thing that popped into my head, if also helps me to go out WITH another person...like even my sister or something. I don't know if you have anyone you could go out with, but I find that for me it helps me to be a lot less self-conscious.  Like if I am talking to someone and not just obsessing over my own thoughts.  (<--that's me obsessing over my thoughts)

If you ever want to talk about anything, since our issues are similar, don't hesitate to message me!
I would love to chat/try to help

Talk to you soon!

[Gizmoman]

Baby steps. You don't need to go out and be a social butterfly and expect to be a popular dude. 1 good friend is worth a 1000. If you are just shy then still baby steps. I totally understand where you are coming from.

[Cooler]

This really embarrassing but I'm hoping that someone can tell me from experience what i should do or what you have done to overcome this obstacle.

Since my depression and Anxiety diagnoses in June of 07,Ive basically become a loner,for several reasons that won't go into great detail about ,don't want to make a novel here.Basically right now I've found the right doctor and right medications to help deal with the anxiety and depression issues,but since I've withdrew socially ,i feel like I'm an alien.

I just recently started a 0409 account,but its presented some obstacles,because I've been so withdrawn ,i don't want to go on it often because its depressing to me,and alot of people from the past that i didn't want to come in contact with are back.

I just want to be social again,have friends ,fall in love again,all that life has to offer.i think I'm a pretty good guy,not perfect,but who is?


I guess i just want to know if anyone can relate and maybe some words of wisdom .

Thanks for Reading my post

Peace and Love

Anxious guy,

I have started my own thread about becoming reclusive, as I don't understand this thing myself. Your comment about people from the past is notable, as that has been one of my own biggest bugbears. Bumping into someone I knew before my breakdown is terrifying. It's like they live in a world that I have left behind, and I can't go back there.

In fact I did bump into a casual aquaintance from years ago (I never liked her) and I pretended to be someone else! I actually denied being me, right to her face. That did make me feel good for some reason.

It's rough that we have to deal with this stuff.

C. 

[AnxiousGuy86]

Just yesterady i hung out with a buddy of mine.it was a little uncormtable at times,but he uderstands what im going through and iusn't judgemental.its been a great confidence boost.im going to be going to a CBT group starting in April.i'm becoming more social little by little,just need to keep it up.

[bookworm]

Hey AnxiousGuy and Cooer,
Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe you are introverts as opposed to extroverts. I have been termed a "loner" my whole life. But I also realize that I am content for the most part on my own. Being an introvert just means that you don't derive your sense of self and your worth from being with other people. I read a book titled "Living Fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety" and I found it very interesting. The author discussed how our society tends to look on shyness as a negative character trait, but that we should remember that shy people have some great attributes, such as being thoughtful and sensitive.  I have found it freeing to remember that I am an introvert and I don't have to feel pressured to be that outgoing people person that our society seems to regard so highly. Because, I have to say, for me it was a lot of pressure to think I had to become that person to be over my social anxiety. But I know that I don't. Sure, I would love to feel more relaxed in a group or in public, but I can also just be me and enjoy my alone time as well. I have a short list of close friends, but that doesn't bother me. I know that I am not abnormal just because I am an introvert.     

[AnxiousGuy86]

yeah i just recently have been reading about introvert and extrovert.my undertanding of it is limitd,however from what i have read ,it does sound like im introverted.when i was a kid i had alot of friends but i only really hung out with 1 or 2 friends at a time.and during my teenage years i was never really into partys with tons of people,it just never felt like it was my sort of thing.

I would say im and introverted ,but my social anxiety has completly consumed my life and i hardly socialize at all.its been getting better but i still have some work to do.

Your right though about how shyness seems to be looked down apon by ourselves and society.Theres nothign wrong with being shy,but when it effects your life in a negetive way i think thats when CBT can help out.

i'm going to start reading more about it though, it's an intresting subject.

[bookworm]

You're definitely right that being an introvert is not an excuse to not deal with social anxiety. I know that I have anxiety that I must deal with, but it is enlightening to realize that dealing with my social anxiety doesn't necessarily mean I have to try and become the life of the party either. It also doesn't mean that I need to feel bad for needing some space and time to myself. I think when dealing with social anxiety it is easy for people to feel like they have to become an extrovert to be successful, when that may not be who they are.

[AnxiousGuy86]

i agree. at the end of the day only you can do what makes you happy.being yourself and accepting the way you are is a very empowering feeling.

[Cooler]

i agree. at the end of the day only you can do what makes you happy.being yourself and accepting the way you are is a very empowering feeling.

Folks,

This is certainly true. I believe that social anxiety derives from a deep desire to be like others. We want to be accepted by others and  fear that we are not going to make it, which we often don't. We are unhappy because life is not the way we want it to be, or feel that it 'should' be.

This is a heavy number, and it is so refreshing and empowering to put it to one side and just do what makes us feel good, whatever that is.

When we are not being social, the world is still there, it doesn't disappear. The philosopher Albert Camus said that " ..other people can take us away from the world." I know exactly what he meant by that. Other people distract us from our true selves, from our centre, and from experiencing the world directly. Anyone who has been on holiday with a bossy friend will know this feeling.

C.