introduce myself

[paulap]

Hi, I am new to the forum. I was diagnosed with anxiety and agorophobia about nine months ago.  I never had any of this, well maybe constant worrying but it was different, it hadn't turned inward.  I would go on my way, working, taking care of my teenage children, one in college, the other a junior in high school.  Well, I got sick, ended up in the hospital with pneumonia.  After three days of steroids, medication, they let me out and I was in a fog.  I continued taking asthma meds at home and recovering.  I never felt the same after that.  I remember going to the supermarket and feeling like I couldn't breathe.  I almost passed out.  I rushed home and had a full blown panic attack.  When I finally went back to work I was paranoid and of course had panic attacks there.  I spiraled downward and not only was afraid to go anywhere or be left alone but developed bad depression because of my situation.  I didn't feel I would live life again the same way.  I went to a partial hospitalization program and am not sure if it was the right thing to do.  I met nice people there but it was agony going there every day for six weeks. They put me on Prozac which sent me to a darker place.  They switched me to Remeron and Klonopin after that, which I still take today.  After that I tried to put my life back, I had called work back and started again part time.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done.  I definitely wasn't ready but new this was vital to my recovery.  I would go through the motions of taking care of the house, my daughter, food shopping.  Food shopping was really hard, so was the mall, I finally drove there again with my daughter but I was dying inside.  I thought I'd lose it for sure.  Well since then I work again full time.  It's hard, especially the first hour.  I'm a preschool teacher and I have a small group of children and no assistant.  I don't have my confidence back and I feel vulnerable.  I know once I start doing my thing in my classroom I feel in control again but the anticipatory feelings of perhaps losing control and embarrassing myself are there.  I try to distract myself the best I can until the feelings pass.  My doctor wants me to start on Lexapro but I'm scared to start a new med and have to deal with any side effects especially at work.  I do feel I've gotten better in some ways.  I'm not as panicky.  I push myself to do things.  We just went to my brother's in Mass. for Thanksgiving, so I endured a five hour car ride.  I go out to eat, go shopping without being as anxious as I was.  These things I can do now is because I desensitized myself.  I'd go out every day.  My marriage isn't great, my husband can be controlling and tells me to snap out of it.  Thankfully, I do have support from other members of my family namely my son, who is up at college, and a big problem is I miss him so much.  He's my rock. I'm the happiest when he's home or when I'm doing things with my daughter, like getting our nails done or going to get coffee.  I have a good friend who is very supportive and meets me for breakfast or shopping once a week.  That's my story.  Would love to get some comments.

[sixpack]

Hi and welcome to our  group.  There are lots of nice folks here.  So have a good look around.  You may want to pop into chat room from time to time. 

Remember if you keep facing those fears--like going to the groecery etc--the anxiety will diminish.  Take it one step at a time.   

[festivechick]

Hi, I know how you feel, its not an easy world with agorophobia and panic attacks etc. I suffer from anxiety. I really hate it as I am so successful and have alot of potential to be one of the most successful females in the world (LOL) but its holding me back, making me feel that I can not do what I need to do, I hate it, I want it out. I want my life back. I depend alot of cabs, been going out on foot alot more those which is great but still feel crappy and scared when I do this. I am wondering when I will switch back into relaxed and normal mode. I am applying for full-time jobs as I think this will boost my confidence coming back to work and I believe that I have to grab my confidence again and that might happen when I learn to drive too.
I believe that I will make it one day but its been a tough ride and I think that I have finally got ready to kick fear out of my life!!
Blessings....and keep positive it will go once and for all soon. Keep believeing that :-)
Festive Chick :-) xxxxx
 

[paulap]

Thanks, I feel working is a double edged sword.  It's good to get out of the house and feel productive and it helps my confidence when I'm there but it's also anxiety provoking.  What if I get panicky while I'm there, the what ifs.  Basically, I look at it as it's something I need to do.  I'll keep doing it until something major happens, like a full blown panic attack, which I'm pretty sure isn't going to happen.  My coping skills have become better.  Not to say it's not uncomfortable.  I hope it will get easier. 

[Warbirdwf]

Welcome! It's amazing how one day were normal, happy folks enjoying our lives then BAM! Our lives are changed forever!
As I read your post, my 1st thought is you need to pat yourself on the back for going to work each day! A lot of folks can't/don't because their symptoms or anxiety are too high. I'm sad to report that's where I am currently. I had a med change a week and a half ago and my anxiety is simply way too high to work. I know these meds will work soon and lower my anxiety down and I'll relax and be able to return to work. Do you feel the Remeron is working for you to reduce your anxiety? I take it at night to help me sleep but I'm not sure I've benefited from lower anxiety due to it.

[paulap]

I don't think the Remeron is really helping my anxiety.  The Klonopin might but I take a very small dosage, usually half or quarter of one.  I hope your med change helps you, what are they changing you to?

[paulap]

I was wondering, does anybody else experience a lightening of their anxiety mid day through the to the evening hours.  It's so strange, I could almost set my watch by it but at 2:00 pm my anxiety starts to lessen.  My therapist says its because I get out of work soon, but I don't think so, I still have another two hours to go so I don't think that's it.  I sometimes wonder if it's hormonal or something physical like low blood sugar. 

[Warbirdwf]

I don't think the Remeron is really helping my anxiety.  The Klonopin might but I take a very small dosage, usually half or quarter of one.  I hope your med change helps you, what are they changing you to?

I'm trying Paxil again. I was on it a few years ago then stopped when I felt better. I'm just having a MUCH tougher time getting my body to handle it. It at first made my anxiety levels shoot up. I guess all the SSRI'S do that.

[paulap]

How are you doing now on the Paxil?  Has the anxiety let up some?

[MysticQuill]

Hello there...

Just to let you know that I have been on Lexapro a year ago (for a year) and it worked great for anxiety with next to none side effects....I have just started taking it again (3 days ago..since my anxiety came back...) and so far, so good....I am documenting my journey at my blog: mysticquill.wordpress.com if you want to know all the details, but just wanted to let you know to not be afraid of switching to it...It's one of the less frightening antidepressants out there that works very well for anxiety, based on my experience...

Also wanted to let you know that most of what you are describing is exactly what I went through, except I couldn't stop working...I did stop driving my kids as that's when my anxiety would just shoot up - I was always afraid of what if I get a panic attack while I am driving and I lose control and endanger my kids' lives...even today after all the therapy and medication, I am still not confident enough to do it...who knows, maybe it will get with time....You are definitely doing all the right things! Facing your fears every day - as that is the only way you will truly ever get rid of it...once anxiety has nothing to hold onto (the what if's) - it lessens in magnitude, until it disappears completely....

[paulap]

Thanks for that.  I probably will try the Lexapro in a few weeks.  I have a week off and that will be a good time.  Today I was anxious at work.  I didn't feel at ease.  I just kind of get through it.  I can't wait for the day when I feel relaxed again.  I have been going out with my daughter for driving practice.  It's funny but I'm not as anxious even though she drives and we end up miles from home, sometimes I don't know where we are.  I guess I'm more concerned about her driving and I'm not thinking about my own anxieties.  I hope you continue to do well on Lexapro.

[Warbirdwf]

How are you doing now on the Paxil?  Has the anxiety let up some?

HI-

My anxiety has let up some and I returned to work last Wednesday. I'm still only taking 5mg of the Paxil so I don't know how much of my anxiety easing up is due to it or the Remron and Seroquel I take to sleep. I still have one or two nights a week that I really struggle to sleep. The goal is to get my dose up on the Paxil so I can discontinue the other two drugs. I do feel much more calm and not so uptight. Hopefully I'm on the road to get better and better.

How about yourself? What are you going to do med wise?

[paulap]

I will continue the Remeron and Klonopin.  I try not to take Klonopin every day.  On the weekends I don't usually. During the week I still take it but a very lose dosage, either .25 or .125.  I don't think it's doing too much but I'm afraid to change things and have a problem at work.  I think it's more like a crutch.  In a few weeks when I have time off I will start on the lexapro.  My doc said I can take it at night with the Remeron.  I did try it a couple of weeks ago on a Saturday and my head was so foggy but I also took a half Klonopin that morning.  I never would have been able to function at work feeling that way.

[Warbirdwf]

I will continue the Remeron and Klonopin.  I try not to take Klonopin every day.  On the weekends I don't usually. During the week I still take it but a very lose dosage, either .25 or .125.  I don't think it's doing too much but I'm afraid to change things and have a problem at work.  I think it's more like a crutch.  In a few weeks when I have time off I will start on the lexapro.  My doc said I can take it at night with the Remeron.  I did try it a couple of weeks ago on a Saturday and my head was so foggy but I also took a half Klonopin that morning.  I never would have been able to function at work feeling that way.

Welp, I wish you luck with the Lexapro. If it covers up your anxiety, you should be able to easily wean yourself off the Klonopin over a week or two. Keep us posted on how you progress.

[staci13]

Hi, I'm new also, it's good to have you into the group 

[tigerpaw]

I know you will find lots of support here. Let me remind you you can access the Chat Room, and talk live to some of us here!  A great resource for you. Also you can post your favorite picture in the Members Gallery. Lots to do here~ 
 

[Johnny B]

Hello,
I have suffered gad and health related anxiety my whole life. Typically I have used the internet to research symptoms of horrible diseases in an effort to ruin my day. I hope that this forum will prove to be a more productive destination en route to a final healing of my condition.

[georgef]

Hey! My name is George. I have been battling anxiety for over 5 years. Hope to further my progress.

[Zandersmommy]

Wow I felt the same way...one day you are normal and something just happens and changes everything. For me it was an upper respitory infection, loosing my job and becoming a stay at home mom. It's good to know I am not alone.

[debbieb]

Hello, I have been in this group before. wrote a post sometime a go, can someone explain how do I write a new post so I can introduce myself.   

[Blackwolf13]

I am a little nervous talking to people I don't really know whew I uh been searching for help but nobody would help me with my problems until now.
My friend told me her story of having an anxiety disorder she said that I'm like her in many ways.
 My doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me  because I was scared of him and what he might think. After the past summer I realized that I wasn't crazy
or insane that I had anxiety this whole time; the night terrors, the not being able to get to sleep or stay a sleep, the small to the big appetites, racing heart like your going to die,
the thinking someone is following me all the time, jumpy, nervous, the physical pain ect. Every time I went to my doctor I told him only my physical symtoms, trying this perscripion and that.
I am still suffering from this to the piont of 0119 attempts, it was when I finaaly got caught cutting my arm recently that people are now thinking it is serious. I haven't got medical help yet or support from anyone except my friend who's going through it with me. I am pushing through this, it's really hard but I at least might have friends here that I can talk to. That is most of my story, thanks for listening. =) There is hope in a dark cruel world even our own. <3

[tank1112]

Hi,

Tank here. I am new here as well, dealing with anxiety and sometime depression for at least 10 years or more. I hope to chat & make some new friends. 

[debm]

Hi I am Deb M,I come from RI USA.I have had panic anxiety for 17 years.At first they thought it was post partum but that was not the fact.I have where I do very well for many months then have bad times.I have a huge fear of dying .I am 52 and feel a lot of the bad times I am having are hormonal too.I lost health insurance because of economy so I can no longer go to dr for meds.I look forward to meeting you and sharing ideas on how to cope with this.I am very happy to have found a place where I can share stories and not feel so all alone.Thank you so much.

[Nicholas Fynn]

Hi its comforting to see other people going through the same thing as me, I feel less alone