your story sounds a lot like mine. i'm 19 years old. over the summer i was convinced that because i had had sex prematurely with this girl, that she had given me an std (sexually transmitted disease). i went as far as asking her, "do you have an std?" to which she was pretty offended, but i then made sure that she be tested and all of her tests came out clear. i was then tested (about 4 times) and was fine. i just continued to think though, if i have an std nobody will ever want to marry me, have kids with me, have sex with me etc. and my life will be ruined because i had sex with this girl i didn't know well enough. i was overcome with guilt and regret. so finally i saw a counselor and she suggested prozac...which worked, actually, pretty well. after feeling better for a couple months i took myself off of the prozac and immediately began to think that i had lung problems because i had been smoking and because i had lung issues as a little kid. my chest, shoulders, and especially my heart, felt completely tight, i had heart palpitations, shortness of breath, i lost weight because i couldn't eat, i threw up when i tried to eat, i became extremely hard to talk to, i didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. i kept asking my girlfriend to rub my back and shoulders and chest to make it better, but it continued to hurt. so i went to the doctor and had them do a chest x-ray and a lung test where i blew into this thing and my lungs are actually ABOVE normal--extremely healthy. i stopped worrying about my lungs and now it's my brain. i've had a sinus headache right behind my eyes for about a week and i know rationally that it's from my sinuses, but i've convinced myself that it's a tumor pressing against my eye. my vision isn't exactly blurry, but i can FEEL the pressure in my face and eye. i know that sinus pressure combined with stress can definitely cause headaches, but i'm still not convinced and i'll be seeing a doctor in couple days to see if i can get put back on prozac and if she can take a look at my sinuses. i'm stressing not only myself out, but my friends, family, and girlfriend. i'm an intelligent person, and usually very rational and in control, so being out of control of this makes me feel absolutely insane. my father had the same problems when he was my age, so he's been some help, and my uncle is a doctor so sometimes i give him a call and he puts my mind at ease for awhile. but really, i cannot convince myself to STOP thinking these thoughts--because what if this time i'm not crying wolf, what if this time i'm really sick, what if this time i get the bad news? i guess to psychoanalyze myself, and other young people with health anxiety, i feel like a lot of this stress is about fear of the future. i'm in college. i don't know what i want to do with the rest of my life, i don't know who i'm going to marry, i don't know how i'm going to repay my debt for college. i'm scared that i won't get to live my life. i'm scared of my life being cut short and NOT getting to see my sister grow up, or my friends grow up, or my parents grow old, or i won't get to propose to my girlfriend, or i won't get to raise children...the list goes on and on. i'm scared that i'm going to miss out. i'm also scared of death. i was raised in a fundamental church that told me exactly what happens when you die, and i never had to worry about it. but i no longer hold most of the beliefs of the church, so now death is a confusing and scary subject. before, thinking about death was scary because i didn't necessarily want to stop living, but also, i knew i'd still live on and everything would be ok. now, what if i don't live on? what if, what if, what if? i guess, there are a lot of issues besides the actual health problem that need to be addressed. i need to find peace with other areas of my life in order to understand why i'm projecting all of my fears onto my health. i feel like once i start to address these really pressing issues, i'll also address my health issues...and medication (prozac) will also probably help me on my way. i hope you don't feel so alone now.
mj
